Crash!!!

No, that sound you heard wasn't an auto accident or even the stock market, it was me going back on my diet after a very non-productive Turkey Day akin to Michael's.

So I'm back on the diet wagon again, which is actually where I need to be before seeing The Girl and Christmas. Running, eating less (and healthier), and cutting back on the beer is the norm for me really. But lately I've been a lot less concerned about the food and beer, and pretty much everything in general last week.

But sometimes I question why I'm doing anything at all. I know I want to be healthy and fit. That's a given and that's for me. But am I doing it to please (or be more pleasing) to others? I don't think so, but it may be a positive side effect. If I feel good about how I look, and I look better to others; isn't that just an additional bonus? I just usually have to remind myself that I'm doing it for me first and foremost and not anyone else. I kind of blame it on the media too, and I can since I view myself as a former part of it.

But no matter how much I run, how little I eat, or how much Xenadrine I take; it never seems to make a real difference. Not that I can see anyways. Yeah, I can run a whole hell of a lot more than I could before, but I'm not seeing any physical results. Which is what I gauge myself on, not numbers really.

And try as I might, I know I'll never have the kind of body I really want to have (but don't we all?):


So, I'll be content just to try and get rid of my gut and love handles and then keep them off. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Jesus Christ. I am such a fucking girl. (No offense)

D

Derek: 2, Black Friday:1

Ha! I'm up on my non-corporeal adversary Black Friday. And it would be a shut out if it weren't for me not being able to find 1 thing I was looking for: Chewy Sweet Tarts. It's a special part of a gift I'm giving, so I need to find some.



That's where all you 'Boro-type people can help me. You know, if you're inclined to.

If you guys know of any places in Statesboro where I can find some Chewy Sweet Tarts, let me know. I've already tried Wal-Mart, Target and CVS in South Carolina to no avail. And I know they're at Savannah Sweets, but I'm trying to avoid going down there if possible.

So, if you guys spot any around town, let me know so I can jet over there and pick them up.

It's kind of a stupid request, and I may only get a chuckle out of it when the gift is received; but to me that'll be more than worth it.

Thanks for any and all help.

D

Bored, bored, bored.

Ok. I'm bored as shit. There. I said it.

It's Turkey Day, I'm at the parents' house, done eating everything in sight, there's nothing on TV, and I can't even think of anything all that great to write about for you guys. Must be the tryptophan.

Soooo...I just thought that maybe adding a little content on this wonderful day of gluttony would help alleviate my boredom.

Not so much.

I'm also trying to come up with a battle plan for tomorrow. I think I'm just gonna sleep in, get up whenever, scratch myself, fumble around for breakfast (maybe a beer for good measure), watch football for a bit, shower, get dressed and then head out to Armageddon. I'm gonna try to be quick about it so I don't lose my shit and do/say anything I'll regret later on. But they're strangers, so who really gives a damn? Crap. I forgot the whole "I'm feeling the Christmas Spirit" thing this year. Better make that a couple of beers before I go. Just to make sure I stay in the spirit.

I have a pretty good idea of what I plan to get everyone this year. So it shouldn't be real painful. Well, not until I go to pay for everything that is.

I'm also really just trying to kill some time until Saturday @ 3:30, 'cause that's when Georgia Southern will take on the Texas State Armadillos... I mean Bobcats.

That's that. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving (or Thursday in Canada) and enjoyed the vacation (or non-vacation in Canada).

D

Gobble gobble!

So I was gonna cheat and just put the lyrics to the Thanksgiving Song on here and be done with it. But the stupid thing wouldn't paste in here right and after a few minutes of screwing with it, I said forget it. There's a link to it instead.

So instead you get some good, old fashioned elementary school art:

And some good, old fashioned Mitch Hedberg material too:

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey: man, just be yourself. I already like you, little brother. You do not need to emulate the other animals. I used to draw you. (Stares at hand.) Man, if you were missing a couple of fingers, you drew one fucked-up turkey. You'd be like, "That turkey's been in an accident."

Happy Turkey Day everyone.

D

'Tis the season to be jorry. Farr rah rah rah rah, rah rah rah rah.

If you don't get that reference, then something is very wrong with you and you have no sense of Christmas Spirit. Or, you've just never seen one of the all-time classic Christmas movies. Another being this one. The shitter's full!

So it's that time of year again. The time when I start getting aggravated at everything. TV, radio, malls, stores, elevators, people, the internet, everything. You name it, I hate it. It seems that every year, the world starts shoving Christmas down my throat earlier and earlier. It's not even Thanksgiving yet for Christ's sake, and already all I see around me is Christmas stuff! I suppose next year I'll be hearing about Santa when my birthday rolls around. *cough* September 3rd *cough*

You see, I don't really have the greatest sense of Christmas Spirit. So, I kind of do and don't hate Christmas at the same time. And I think I know why. Pretty much every year about this time I've been very unhappy. Relationships, family problems, work, money, and other stuff helped cause this. So I've always had something to be unhappy about when everyone else was all jolly (or jorry). So I was just envious of everyone who was happier than me, instead of just trying to be happy myself.

But not this year. This year I'm actually feeling some of that good, old Christmas cheer. Some of, not a ton mind you. I'm working my way up. REALLY happy people still freak me out.

But this year I have a lot to be happy about: Family and friends, the dog, new job, decent money (although X-Mas will negate that shortly), good health, The Girl Waaaay Out of My League , etc... So this year, I'm actually looking forward to Christmas and am making a conscious effort to turn from my Grinch-ish ways and have a good holiday. And the fact that The Girl is a Christmas junkie helps a little bit too.

So even though it's not even December yet, I'm looking forward to Christmas. And not the part where I get presents. Wow, imagine that. I'm actually more looking forward to the giving of presents. And trying to decide what I'm gonna get everyone is actually kind of fun for once. I already have a triple-option for The Girl that I'm waiting to put into motion.

I just wish that I could afford presents for everyone. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't feel bad if you don't receive one from me. I'll make it up some how. Probably with booze.

So if you see me walking around with a smile on my face during December, don't worry. I haven't lost my mind or anything. I'm just feeling some of the Christmas spirit. Or I've been in the Christmas spirits. But if you see me in a Santa suit, run. At that point I may have completely lost my shit and probably have a few severed heads in the sack.

So, Merry Christmas (even though it isn't even Thanksgiving yet)!

D

Passing the time by...taking tests?!?!!

Your Pimp Name Is...

Macktastic Bling

What's" Your Pimp Name?

Yeah, so I was reading another blog and decided to click on the link that was for some of those online personality tests. You know the ones. We've all taken about 37 of 'em. And I decided to take some more today to kill a little time. And apparently to find out a lot of things about myself that I already knew. Well, except my pimp name.

The results are in:
I would be Italian food, my funky inner hair color is pink, Tommy Lee and I have the same interest in music, my life is an Indie movie, I'm a shy kisser, an Au Natural seducer, somewhat Machiavellian, my rejected crayon color is Flu Phlegm Green, I was a mute poet who lived in Austria and died of Typhoid fever, my ideal relationship is marriage, I'd be a Butterfinger, I'm a passed out kind of drunk, the "keys to my heart" was only off by 1, I'm a frickin' Emo rocker, my power animal is a shark & my past animal life was a polar bear, the "How I am in love" is dead on, my heart color is blue, my personality is a Guardian (SJ), the sleeping position one was dumb, my inner child is surprised, I'm a margarita, I act like I'm 21, I'm a simple thinker, I'm not afraid to lay around resting my hand in my pants, my superhero name is (not) "The Blonde Ricochet" and I can speak to animals, my power color is Teal, I'm a peperoni pizza, my pimp name is "Macktastic Bling", my daddy is Arnold Schwarzenegger (but I call him "Pa" and he takes me to Disney Land), I am not scary, my kissing purity score is 37%(Pure), I should have gone as a Girl Scout for Halloween, and my mood ring is light purple.

That's enough. I'm all personalitied out.

D

Thank You for Being a Friend.

Yes! A Golden Girls reference!

No, there's nothing wrong with me. That I know of. But I just wanted to take a second to tell my friends "thank you." I could have taken the time to send individual emails or call, but you guys know me, I like to blog and be overly dramatic. And I figured that pretty much all of my friends blog now and would see this at some point. So don't take it personal if this gets generalized, you all know what I mean when I say this.


This may seem kind of weird, but I just wanted to take a second to let you know what a good friend you are to me. You’ve been there for me when I needed it, and I only wish I could have been there more for you when you needed me. I know we’re probably not as close to each other as we used to be, but you’re like a sibling to me. And I just wanted to let you know that. I know life gets in the way of a lot of things sometimes; but always remember that when you need me, I’ll be there.


So that's that. If you haven't done so in a while, take a second to tell your friends how much they mean to you. And don't worry about me, I'm good. I think I know how you all feel about me. So you can skip me if you want.

I need beer. Too bad it's 11:00am and I'm at work.

D

Dear Santa; Give me what I want, and I'll give you the antidote to the poison I put in your milk. Love, Derek

Well, Scott went and made today’s post a ton easier. Thanks, Scott. So instead of trying to think of something clever to write, or how I could avoid writing about how good it’s going with The Girl Waaaay Out of My League (that’s all you get); alls I have to do is come up with my Christmas List. Dang, this was always hard for me. Hard to narrow it down I mean.

My Super-Fantastic (and surprisingly boring) X-Mas List: (The abridged version)
TV on DVD (my new crack):
Sports Night
Batman: The Animated Series
Family Guy: Volume 2, Season 3

Books:
Dispatches from the Tenth Circle: The Best of the Onion
The Complete Calvin & Hobbes
The whole “Graphic Novel” section at Barnes & Noble

Gifts I can only get from the Sugar Momma (or Daddy) that I haven’t gotten yet:
Super, freakin’ sweet computer
Tivo
iPod
Plasma TV

Gift Certificates (my gift of choice to others):
PetsMart
Barnes & Noble
Gallop’s
Wal-Mart/Target
Old Navy

That was kind of painful, having to leave off everything I want. Actually, you guys can't really get me what I really want for Christmas. I have to earn that for myself. And NO it isn't dirty. Sheesh.

Now, I just have to figure out how I’m gonna pay for everyone else’s gifts.

D

I laugh because it's true...well, sort of.

I have recently re-discovered my long lost love of The Onion.

Most of you are probably already familiar with this wonderful piece of print/internet/whatever. Not familiar? The best definition of The Onion probably comes from Wikipedia: "The Onion is a newspaper of parody and satire, published weekly in print and on the Internet." Or you could say that it's fake news akin to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, but you read it instead of watching.

How can you not love stories like Investigators Blame Stupidity In Area Death (not a Highly Sophisticated Redneck), Couple Upstairs Going At It Again, or even Area Man Training For Upcoming Sanford And Son Marathon (hits close to home, I know).



So, if you've never read The Onion before and you're not a tight-ass, give it a shot. You'll probably like it. Read it before and forgot about the parody goodness? Go back for some more. Do it. Do it now.

D

Hell, sometimes it's almost a look into the future: Man's Impending Death Alcohol-Related.

It's great to be an Eagle!

So it's Tuesday morning and I'm still relishing, no, revelling in the fact that we beat Furman on Saturday. So what? I can do what I want. And I want to show pictures:





































I figured that I needed to add some content. So I decided to kill 2 birds with one post, type some words and show some pictures of Furman sucking.

More words:
Furman, sucks, tremendously, purple, pansies, butt-whooping, losers, not, number, one, any, more, suck, & it.

I think that may have gotten some of it out of my system.

D

I just saved somebody's life!

Well not really, but maybe. I just wanted to be able to say that once in my life.

I just gave blood. They're having a blood drive here at school and I signed up yesterday. Never have gotten to donate before, usually because of me getting a tattoo within 12 months of trying to donate.

Not this time. I was bound and determined to try and do it.

But the whole time I was thinking "what if they call me back later and are like 'there's something seriously wrong with your blood!'?" Or I find out that I have some blood disease or something?

But I'm pretty sure I'm cool. I guess they'll mail me something saying I shouldn't ever give blood again and go see a doctor if there is something wrong.

So if you can, give blood. 'Cause hey, everyone should get to feel like a superhero and save someone's life. Even if it's only for like an hour.

Plus, I got this funny sticker that says "It's my first time, be nice to me." I should make that into a t-shirt or something. That, and "I like to cuddle". I hear that works too.

D