"Me Grimlock no bozo, me king!"

**Edited and touched up for your reading pleasure**


Scott wrote a little preview of what was to come in a future entry. Said preview stirred up many fond memories and re-awakened my inner child. "Re-awakened" isn't the most accurate term. The kid was really only about 10 minutes into his afternoon nap.

In the comments section I listed off a few of my most favorite things, everything from the Sit & Spin to Lite Brite. The 80's had the best toys and cartoons. Stuff that makes the ones we have now look like shit. To me anyways. But of all that the 80's offered, there was nothing that could compare to the Transformers. When I think of my childhood, I think of Transformers. The cartoon. The movie. The toys!! Hell, even the toothpaste, toothbrush, and everything else they could slap the name on. I had it all.

That was my childhood in its simplest representation. Big ass robots that could turn into other cool shit. In fact, that should be one of the definitions of a Transformer:

Main Entry: trans-form-er
Pronunciation: tran(t)s-‘for-m&r
Function: noun
1. one that transforms; specifically : a device employing the principle of mutual induction to convert variations of current in a primary circuit into variations of voltage and current in a secondary circuit
2. Big ass robots that could turn into other cool shit. (see picture)


















Over the years there have been many Transformers: Generation 1, Generation 2, Beast Wars, Machine Wars, Beast Machines, Transformers Energon, Transformers Armada, and on and on. But for me, Generation 1 was the best. The standard for everything. And of those first Autobots and Decepticons, I had a favorite. My "one and only" if you will. I liked many, but loved one.

Grimlock.

Who didn't love the "King of the Dinobots"? Seriously, who? Tell me and I'm whippin' that ass. Or at least giving them the finger.

Hell, I even named my new car after the big, lovable bozo, I mean King.

With all my passion for the King, you'd think I still had one to play with and another stashed away somewhere for safe keeping. But I don't. I have no friggin' idea where mine went. I think he was a casualty in the great "Toy Holocaust" of '88 that was carried out by my mother. (I apologize if I offend anyone with the use of the phrase "Toy Holocaust"; and vehemently defend my stance that it did indeed happen, despite my mother's claim that the event never took place.) But I am trying to rectify that situation.

OK, in trying to acquire some new pieces of my childhood, I figure there are 3 ways to go about it: Ebay, an actual store, or maybe a comics convention. And anyone who knows me knows that I'll have to buy 2 if possible because I prefer even numbers to odds. That's really just the OCD kicking in. So when I buy toys, I generally like to buy 2 if I can. That way there's 1 to play with and 1 to keep in its packaging. Like the world will end and the most valuable form of currency will be a "Mint In Box" transformable Wolverine, who transforms from the scrappy, feral mutant into a wolf. (Yes they did have these, and you didn't think I'd buy it? You fool.) Anyways, so I'm looking for 2 Grimlocks. In 2005. So you can imagine trying to find this toy from 1985 is not an easy task.

My first and best option is Ebay. And the quality Grimlock figures run around $165. Yeah, an action figure is $165. Pirates and bandits have moved from the high seas and highways to the Internet. Selling toys to dumbasses like me for excessive amounts. By the way, did I mention that I hate Ebay? I hate haggling or waiting to see if I'm outbid (which I have been on everything I've ever tried to get from Ebay), so Ebay is getting moved down the list for now.

Next, we try the actual stores. Maybe the toy aisle in Wal-Mart or Target. Or maybe the specialty stores like a Toys R Us. It's pretty doubtful that I'm gonna find a toy from 1985 hanging in the back of a row of other toys, like some long-forgotten treasure that noone else notices but me. So I'm just hoping they'll do a re-release of Grimlock like they did for Optimus Prime a little while back.











No such luck. In fact, I get pissed even more. What do I see in the stores now? The bastard sons of some meth-head advertising exec. They went and defiled my favorite Transformer.

Grimlock:













NOT Grimlock:












SURE AS FUCK NOT Grimlock:













So that's a swing and a miss for the stores.

Moving on to comics conventions. I missed out on Comic-Con this year (as well as years past and probably future). However, there is still Dragon-Con in Atlanta in September. But, I'll probably have something come up to prevent me from going as usual. But I'm still holding on to some hope that I'll be able to go this year with the Icon. For those who don't know, Cons (short for "convention") are excellent places to pick up anything that has to do with comics, cartoons, sci-fi, etc... So it stands to reason I may be able to pick up a Grimlock and a hefty price while I'm there. If I can make it. That's a big "if".

So. It looks as though I may have to cowboy up and really hit Ebay and try to procure a decent Grimlock. That, or wish upon a star that someone will get me one for my birthday (Sept. 3rd). *Hint hint* *Wink wink* *Nudge nudge* No? Dang. Thanks anyways.


D
(Hoping that a certain Autobot makes an appearance in the upcoming live-action Transformers movie.)