What’s better than dickery? Dickery with beer.
The Never-ending beer
One time after an event with a former employer, I went with a few co-workers (we’ll call them Lando and Zeke) to a seedy, little dive sports bar for dinner and a few beers. And before I get into the meat of this story, I have to tell you all that this dickery is going to be inflicted on Zeke and it involves him drinking beer. Zeke does not normally drink much. In fact, Zeke is what we in the imbibing community refer to as a “lightweight”.
So, Lando, Zeke and I get a table and we all decide to order some pitchers. We eat our dinner and continue to drink and make fun of anyone and everyone. All the while Zeke is drinking his beer. And he’s getting progressively drunker and drunker. And Lando and I are loving it.
You see, Zeke still thought he was working on his same beer the entire time. He hadn’t planned on drinking much, but every time he got up to go to the bathroom, I poured more beer into his glass (careful not to fill it as that would possibly tip him off). So there he is just drinking way more than he thought he was, all the time thinking that he’s on just one beer.
That went on for a good while, long enough for us to go through several pitchers; most of which went directly to Zeke to keep the fun going. After a while we headed back to the hotel and Zeke is absolutely smashed. And Zeke, being the lightweight that he is, is definitely headed for one hell of a hangover.
The next morning before the luncheon (with numerous people that we’re supposed to be impressing), I go up to Zeke’s room to check on him and drag him down to the lobby. I knock and he answers looking like somebody just threw him out of a moving vehicle, then someone else kicked him in the junk, while another person hosed him down with a fire hose, and a last person decided to try and dress him while they were wasted themselves. So, he didn’t look too good.
I walk in and hang out a few minutes while Zeke tries his best to function on a basic human level and finish getting ready. He comes over and I notice that his tie is all kinds of crooked; so I do the nice thing and adjust it for him. Apparently I tightened it just the right amount so that both the tie and my hand hit his throat in just the right manner that sent him into vomit mode. He spins around on his heels and takes off for the bathroom (I’ve never seen him move that fast before). He yarfs, brushes his teeth again, and thanks me sarcastically for helping him with his tie.
The rest of my morning and early afternoon was spent watching Zeke try to impress a table full of people while he looked (and I’m sure felt worse than) death warmed over. I kinda enjoyed myself for that morning and afternoon.
Yet again, I’m a dick.
D
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Do you guys have “Margarita Fridays”?
I applied for a job at Primatech Paper yesterday.
They sent me a follow up email letting me know that they’d contact me after evaluating my application.
I wonder how it’s gonna turn out. I’ll probably just get rejected on account of my not having any cool powers. Let’s face it: being able to pat my head and rub my belly at the same time isn’t quite the same as being able to make somebody punch themselves in the face repeatedly just because I told them to.
D
They sent me a follow up email letting me know that they’d contact me after evaluating my application.
I wonder how it’s gonna turn out. I’ll probably just get rejected on account of my not having any cool powers. Let’s face it: being able to pat my head and rub my belly at the same time isn’t quite the same as being able to make somebody punch themselves in the face repeatedly just because I told them to.
D
Get the defibrillator!
I think that the NHL is really flatlining here in the States. And apparently no one’s in a hurry to try and save it.
The NHL All-Star Game was last night, but I saw no promotions/commercials/anything for it prior to the single commercial I happened to catch on G4 about 2 hours before the puck was dropped. And the game itself was carried on Vs on a weeknight instead of on ABC or ESPN on a weekend like it used to be. That couldn’t have helped it much.
And don’t they usually have some sort of skills contest or Legends or Rookies Game before the main event? Never heard about any of that either. Hell, I didn’t even see any highlights of it this morning on Sportscenter.
I guess the NHL is starting to cut its losses on trying to increase viewership outside the major hockey cities (Boston, Detroit, New York, Chicago, Canada, etc) and may be moving to really try and hold in to the hardcore hockey fans.
Maybe they should try a last ditch effort like the MLS did with Beckham, and bring in a huge spectacle to spike the numbers. I vote for adding two expansion teams, one made up of gorillas and the other bears. That ought to do it.
D
The NHL All-Star Game was last night, but I saw no promotions/commercials/anything for it prior to the single commercial I happened to catch on G4 about 2 hours before the puck was dropped. And the game itself was carried on Vs on a weeknight instead of on ABC or ESPN on a weekend like it used to be. That couldn’t have helped it much.
And don’t they usually have some sort of skills contest or Legends or Rookies Game before the main event? Never heard about any of that either. Hell, I didn’t even see any highlights of it this morning on Sportscenter.
I guess the NHL is starting to cut its losses on trying to increase viewership outside the major hockey cities (Boston, Detroit, New York, Chicago, Canada, etc) and may be moving to really try and hold in to the hardcore hockey fans.
Maybe they should try a last ditch effort like the MLS did with Beckham, and bring in a huge spectacle to spike the numbers. I vote for adding two expansion teams, one made up of gorillas and the other bears. That ought to do it.
D
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tales of Dickery: "Our Best Boy"
“Our Best Boy”
Ah, PJ- mine and Chris’ good for nothing, good intentioned, and good natured, artard of a teammate and classmate. And let me go on record as saying: “Chris, he was your guy.”
PJ is the mayne, I mean man, responsible for coming up with some of the most asinine ideas for shooting our videos, failing to help out editing in anyway, totally screwing up everything he actually shot and edited, and totally hooking Chris and I on pronouncing the word “man” as “mayne” (as in Kenny Mayne from Sportscenter) or possibly “main”. I really don’t know how to spell it, as it’s developed its own sound over the years. Let’s just say if you’ve ever heard us say it, you know what I’m going for here.
But he was a sweetheart and also the butt of a collective dickeration on the part of Chris, myself and our other teammate, Matt. And I’ll never once apologize for it.
Our team was at the end of the semester of our Video 2 class, and we were working on our final project, a “how to” video for running the college radio station booth. We were in the editing stages, and were getting to the credits of the video, when PJ pretty much for the first time since the start of the project sticks his head in the booth and asks if we need his help.
“No, we’re good. You can get back to whatever it was that you were doing.”
“Ok, mayne.”
Chris and I had long ago decided that we didn’t need PJ and that cutting him out entirely from the whole process was no loss and just getting rid of excess parts from a well oiled machine. Any time Matt questioned the decision, we just reminded him of PJ’s awesome idea to get a shot in our very first video (“Hey, mayne. Why don’t we mount the camera to the ceiling so we can get the overhead shot that way?”) It never took more than that.
So there we were putting in the closing credits, thanking the lab tech who helped us, one of our other classmates with something, and then it came time to deal with PJ.
Matt: “Hey, we forgot to put PJ’s name with ours in the credits.”
Me: “No we didn’t.”
Matt: “Yeah we did. You put you, me and Chris but not PJ.”
Chris: “We didn’t forget him, because he’s not going in there with us. We can put him somewhere else.”
Matt: “Man, that’s wrong.”
Me: “Fuck him. What’d he do anyways? Even when he was here, he just stood around not doing anything or messing up what he did do.”
Matt: “But still…”
Chris: “Fine. He goes in, but not with us. He gets his own ‘special’ credit.”
Me: “How about ‘Our Best Boy’?”
Matt: “That’s messed up.”
Chris: “It’s perfect.”
Me: “It’s done.”
Matt: “Aw, man…”
Me: “You mean, ‘Aw, mayne..’ don’t you?”
A few days later and the class is watching the final videos. As per usual, ours is wiping the floor with everyone else’s’, minor audio glitch aside (that was so not our fault, and Reed agreed with us).
We get to the credits, PJ sees his, and I hear a little “Huh?” come from him. After the class is over, PJ comes to us and started the brief exchange:
PJ: “Mayne, what was with that ‘Best Boy’ stuff? I thought I was supposed to be with y’all on that.”
Chris: “You thought wrong.”
PJ: “But mayne, I helped you guys do all that stuff.”
Chris: “Bullshit. You helped yourself and your friends do whatever the hell it was that you were doing instead of helping us.”
PJ: “But I’m your teammate. I should get the same credit as you guys.”
Matt: “Not really.” (Way to go, Matt. Way to let him have it.)
Me (in a loud enough voice for the whole room to hear): “Look, if you don’t like it, you should have been there to stop us. We’re done here.”
-----
We did eventually tell our professor that we wanted PJ to get the same grade that we did (an A as usual) despite his efforts (or lack thereof). So everything worked out for everyone: we made another great video, we all got our standard issue A, and I got another Tale of Dickery.
Don’t you just love happy endings?
D
Ah, PJ- mine and Chris’ good for nothing, good intentioned, and good natured, artard of a teammate and classmate. And let me go on record as saying: “Chris, he was your guy.”
PJ is the mayne, I mean man, responsible for coming up with some of the most asinine ideas for shooting our videos, failing to help out editing in anyway, totally screwing up everything he actually shot and edited, and totally hooking Chris and I on pronouncing the word “man” as “mayne” (as in Kenny Mayne from Sportscenter) or possibly “main”. I really don’t know how to spell it, as it’s developed its own sound over the years. Let’s just say if you’ve ever heard us say it, you know what I’m going for here.
But he was a sweetheart and also the butt of a collective dickeration on the part of Chris, myself and our other teammate, Matt. And I’ll never once apologize for it.
Our team was at the end of the semester of our Video 2 class, and we were working on our final project, a “how to” video for running the college radio station booth. We were in the editing stages, and were getting to the credits of the video, when PJ pretty much for the first time since the start of the project sticks his head in the booth and asks if we need his help.
“No, we’re good. You can get back to whatever it was that you were doing.”
“Ok, mayne.”
Chris and I had long ago decided that we didn’t need PJ and that cutting him out entirely from the whole process was no loss and just getting rid of excess parts from a well oiled machine. Any time Matt questioned the decision, we just reminded him of PJ’s awesome idea to get a shot in our very first video (“Hey, mayne. Why don’t we mount the camera to the ceiling so we can get the overhead shot that way?”) It never took more than that.
So there we were putting in the closing credits, thanking the lab tech who helped us, one of our other classmates with something, and then it came time to deal with PJ.
Matt: “Hey, we forgot to put PJ’s name with ours in the credits.”
Me: “No we didn’t.”
Matt: “Yeah we did. You put you, me and Chris but not PJ.”
Chris: “We didn’t forget him, because he’s not going in there with us. We can put him somewhere else.”
Matt: “Man, that’s wrong.”
Me: “Fuck him. What’d he do anyways? Even when he was here, he just stood around not doing anything or messing up what he did do.”
Matt: “But still…”
Chris: “Fine. He goes in, but not with us. He gets his own ‘special’ credit.”
Me: “How about ‘Our Best Boy’?”
Matt: “That’s messed up.”
Chris: “It’s perfect.”
Me: “It’s done.”
Matt: “Aw, man…”
Me: “You mean, ‘Aw, mayne..’ don’t you?”
A few days later and the class is watching the final videos. As per usual, ours is wiping the floor with everyone else’s’, minor audio glitch aside (that was so not our fault, and Reed agreed with us).
We get to the credits, PJ sees his, and I hear a little “Huh?” come from him. After the class is over, PJ comes to us and started the brief exchange:
PJ: “Mayne, what was with that ‘Best Boy’ stuff? I thought I was supposed to be with y’all on that.”
Chris: “You thought wrong.”
PJ: “But mayne, I helped you guys do all that stuff.”
Chris: “Bullshit. You helped yourself and your friends do whatever the hell it was that you were doing instead of helping us.”
PJ: “But I’m your teammate. I should get the same credit as you guys.”
Matt: “Not really.” (Way to go, Matt. Way to let him have it.)
Me (in a loud enough voice for the whole room to hear): “Look, if you don’t like it, you should have been there to stop us. We’re done here.”
-----
We did eventually tell our professor that we wanted PJ to get the same grade that we did (an A as usual) despite his efforts (or lack thereof). So everything worked out for everyone: we made another great video, we all got our standard issue A, and I got another Tale of Dickery.
Don’t you just love happy endings?
D
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
A whole new level of Dickery
I’ve been racking my brain for some new editions of Tales of Dickery that involved my brother and I. But I’ve been drawing a big ol’ blank for some reason. But after a talk with my long distance, hetero life mate, Chris; we decided that dickery didn’t have to be limited to just what I did to Stuart. In fact, dickery probably works best when it’s been done to me. I mean, this is “Screw Big, Dumb American!” after all…
But I like it best when it’s done to other people for a change. So to tempt Karma more so than usual, I’ve decided to keep ToD rolling along with random things that I can remember doing to various people. And of course, the occasional dickeration of yours truly.
So be on the lookout for some new and improved…
Tales… of… Dickery!!!!
D
But I like it best when it’s done to other people for a change. So to tempt Karma more so than usual, I’ve decided to keep ToD rolling along with random things that I can remember doing to various people. And of course, the occasional dickeration of yours truly.
So be on the lookout for some new and improved…
Tales… of… Dickery!!!!
D
Monday, January 22, 2007
I'm back, babydoll!
Well, not me so much as the high quality TV that I've come to develop a serious heroin-like addiction to.
Tonight brings back the "I'm not fcking around when I say that this is the best night of television the world has ever seen" night of television:
8:00- How I Met Your Mother
9:00- Heroes
10:00- Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Ooooh! I just got goosebumps! (Help me, I have a problem) Huh? What was that? Ah, nevermind.
So, for your voyeuristic pleaseure, here is the most up to date TV-watching schedule should everything return as expected. (click it to enlarge)
(Seriously, help! I've got a problem!) There it is again! You guys hear that?
D
Tonight brings back the "I'm not fcking around when I say that this is the best night of television the world has ever seen" night of television:
8:00- How I Met Your Mother
9:00- Heroes
10:00- Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Ooooh! I just got goosebumps! (Help me, I have a problem) Huh? What was that? Ah, nevermind.
So, for your voyeuristic pleaseure, here is the most up to date TV-watching schedule should everything return as expected. (click it to enlarge)
(Seriously, help! I've got a problem!) There it is again! You guys hear that?
D
Return of the gimmick
I hate gimmicky & trendy t-shirts, but every now and then I come across some that I’d actually wear (depending on their price). Which ones? Why, I’m glad you asked. Let’s take a look, shall we?
From the schmorgasborg at bustedtees.com:
And while we’re at it, you can’t forget the simple brilliance of Iloveanything.com (where you can make your own):
So there you have it, a quick look into my t-shirt drawer if there weren’t far too many trendy douchebags out there.
D
From the schmorgasborg at bustedtees.com:
Those hailing from the great state of 80stees.com:
And while we’re at it, you can’t forget the simple brilliance of Iloveanything.com (where you can make your own):
So there you have it, a quick look into my t-shirt drawer if there weren’t far too many trendy douchebags out there.
D
Friday, January 19, 2007
Well that was quick.
I had hoped we’d find a new coach quickly, but this is regoddamneddiculous.
Chris Hatcher named Georgia Southern head football coach
But he’s an excellent choice. Out of the short list of coaches that they had to have had (and we knew they had), there wasn’t really a wrong way to go. And I know that a whole lot of people were wanting Hatcher to be hired the last go around when VanGorder took the job.
Coach Hatcher has a great record, a deep respect for the program and the University, and values the traditions of Georgia Southern football (bringing the yellow busses and Eagle Creek water back!!!). So I’m fucking stoked.
From what I’ve heard about his offensive scheme, it’s supposed to be almost a mix of the option and what VanGorder tried to do. So basically a high powered offense with just as much running as throwing. That hopefully benefit all the players we have now, the ones, we’ve already signed, and the ones we’re still trying to sign. That’s a hell of a relief.
That miserable 3-8 season that’ll probably become “the season that never happened” (and will replace “munsoned” with “vangordered”) is now officially behind us, and we can all move on.
Here’s to a new “new era”, but the same winning tradition.
GO EAGLES!
D
Chris Hatcher named Georgia Southern head football coach
But he’s an excellent choice. Out of the short list of coaches that they had to have had (and we knew they had), there wasn’t really a wrong way to go. And I know that a whole lot of people were wanting Hatcher to be hired the last go around when VanGorder took the job.
Coach Hatcher has a great record, a deep respect for the program and the University, and values the traditions of Georgia Southern football (bringing the yellow busses and Eagle Creek water back!!!). So I’m fucking stoked.
From what I’ve heard about his offensive scheme, it’s supposed to be almost a mix of the option and what VanGorder tried to do. So basically a high powered offense with just as much running as throwing. That hopefully benefit all the players we have now, the ones, we’ve already signed, and the ones we’re still trying to sign. That’s a hell of a relief.
That miserable 3-8 season that’ll probably become “the season that never happened” (and will replace “munsoned” with “vangordered”) is now officially behind us, and we can all move on.
Here’s to a new “new era”, but the same winning tradition.
GO EAGLES!
D
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Let me check my utility belt...
Ah, the utility belt- the male superhero’s pocketbook.
I’ve always wanted my own utility belt. And not one of those nancy-boy, handy man belts or anything, an honest to God utility belt. The kind superheroes, ninjas, and video game soldiers wear.
Just think of the functionality of it: hauling all your shit around with you in water tight casings, no bulging or bulky pockets, no jingling keys or loose pocket change, and no more threads attached to your keys so that when you pull them out it starts a hole that will eventually become a gaping chasm that wouldn’t hold your size 12 shoe.
And depending on how big your belt is, think of all the cool shizit that you could have on you at any given moment. For instance, take mine:
Cell phone
ID, debit card & cash
Chapstick
Keys
Bourbon
Gum
Cologne
Grappling hook
Smoke bombs
Beef jerky
Erotic dice
A locket of Chuck Norris’ hair
See? Perfect for my everyday life. I could be my own walking, talking, weird-ass Swiss Army knife.
Oh, I can hear you guys now: “But, D; what if someone mugs me and makes off with my new utility belt and all my stuff?” Well let me answer your slightly valid question with: “Well first of all, if you’re gonna be wearing a utility belt, you should be man/woman/shemale enough to defend yourself against all manner of attacks, be it muggers or the fashion police. I recommend a kick to the junk or a good throat punch in both situations. Second, if you’re really that concerned about some young, punk kid or your arch nemesis stealing all your capsulated goodies, you can opt for the Batman-style security package: anytime someone other than you tries to open one of the compartments, they get a really nasty shock that’ll knock ‘em out cold. Plus the handy dandy personal GPS locater will help you track the perp, and let you deliver the beat down they so rightly deserve. Is that alright with you, Miss Sissy Priss?”
Ahem. So, let’s recap shall we? The utility belt- functional AND fashionable.
I’ve always wanted my own utility belt. And not one of those nancy-boy, handy man belts or anything, an honest to God utility belt. The kind superheroes, ninjas, and video game soldiers wear.
Just think of the functionality of it: hauling all your shit around with you in water tight casings, no bulging or bulky pockets, no jingling keys or loose pocket change, and no more threads attached to your keys so that when you pull them out it starts a hole that will eventually become a gaping chasm that wouldn’t hold your size 12 shoe.
And depending on how big your belt is, think of all the cool shizit that you could have on you at any given moment. For instance, take mine:
Cell phone
ID, debit card & cash
Chapstick
Keys
Bourbon
Gum
Cologne
Grappling hook
Smoke bombs
Beef jerky
Erotic dice
A locket of Chuck Norris’ hair
See? Perfect for my everyday life. I could be my own walking, talking, weird-ass Swiss Army knife.
Oh, I can hear you guys now: “But, D; what if someone mugs me and makes off with my new utility belt and all my stuff?” Well let me answer your slightly valid question with: “Well first of all, if you’re gonna be wearing a utility belt, you should be man/woman/shemale enough to defend yourself against all manner of attacks, be it muggers or the fashion police. I recommend a kick to the junk or a good throat punch in both situations. Second, if you’re really that concerned about some young, punk kid or your arch nemesis stealing all your capsulated goodies, you can opt for the Batman-style security package: anytime someone other than you tries to open one of the compartments, they get a really nasty shock that’ll knock ‘em out cold. Plus the handy dandy personal GPS locater will help you track the perp, and let you deliver the beat down they so rightly deserve. Is that alright with you, Miss Sissy Priss?”
Ahem. So, let’s recap shall we? The utility belt- functional AND fashionable.
Well, more fashionable than a fanny pack at least.
D
Of course with everything that I’d have with me, I’d still never have a freakin’ pen.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
VanGorder screws us again
VanGorder a Goner
After one miserable season, Brian VanGorder has left Georgia Southern University to become a linebackers coach for the Atlanta Falcons.
God I hope this doesn’t screw us as much as I think it might what with recruitment, system changes, and everything else. Ugh! I don’t even wanna think about it anymore.
“I’m as fucking surprised as you guys are!”- Sam Baker, A.D.
D
After one miserable season, Brian VanGorder has left Georgia Southern University to become a linebackers coach for the Atlanta Falcons.
God I hope this doesn’t screw us as much as I think it might what with recruitment, system changes, and everything else. Ugh! I don’t even wanna think about it anymore.
“I’m as fucking surprised as you guys are!”- Sam Baker, A.D.
D
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
SBDA meets BBCA
It’s a good thing that I had yesterday off in order to finish doing all the stuff I needed to do over the weekend, because I was utterly useless for the majority of it.
I got up around 11:00 Saturday morning; just expecting a lazy day of video games, basketball (the GSU game was on Sports South), cooking for the upcoming week, and probably more than a little drinking. And I was partially right. I did watch the tele and I did knock back a bunch at the bar that night, I just never got to those video games or anything else really. In fact, I didn’t really get off the couch starting at 11:30 and ending at 6:30.
Turns out that BBC America was running a marathon of a show that I was curious about: Hex. I hopped on board about a half hour into the pilot and, with the exception of watching the GSU game during commercials, pretty much didn’t change the channel for 7 hours. So yeah, I liked it.
I didn’t expect much from the show at first as it was a very slow build, but once it got rolling I was hooked. You can somewhat compare it to Buffy, but it’s more like the darker season 6 than anything else. But I personally liked season 6’s darker, tumultuous tone; so Hex ended up being a good fit for me.
When I did finally get off my ass to go drink some beer, I set the ol’ VCR to record the last couple of episodes that they showed (I am such a nerd). So I wasn’t completely done with the show after 7 hours, I had to finish watching it on Sunday.
After 2 hours the next morning, I was finally done with all the Hex they’ve shown so far on BBCA (the last season airs this summer I think). But I wasn’t done with BBCA itself quite yet. Those cheeky bastards decided that they were going to try to catch me up on the first season of Dr. Who this weekend as well. Which was nice of them since I’ve been trying to get that from Jake so that I can see what precedes season 2 (which I’m watching religiously now). 6 time & space bending episodes later, and I’m up to speed with BBCA’s schedule for Dr. Who as well.
So now I’m making it a point to check out the BBCA portion of the menu; as show for show, their sci-fi show lineup rivals (if not betters) that of The Sci-Fi Channel. And they’re about to debut another sci-fi show, Hyperdrive, that looks to be along the same lines as a Red Dwarf or maybe “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”
I knew that the British knew their TV comedy (The Office, Coupling, Benny Hill, etc), I just never knew how well they did the sci-fi too.
D
Plus they also say “shit” a lot without bleeping it and I saw most of a boob too.
I got up around 11:00 Saturday morning; just expecting a lazy day of video games, basketball (the GSU game was on Sports South), cooking for the upcoming week, and probably more than a little drinking. And I was partially right. I did watch the tele and I did knock back a bunch at the bar that night, I just never got to those video games or anything else really. In fact, I didn’t really get off the couch starting at 11:30 and ending at 6:30.
Turns out that BBC America was running a marathon of a show that I was curious about: Hex. I hopped on board about a half hour into the pilot and, with the exception of watching the GSU game during commercials, pretty much didn’t change the channel for 7 hours. So yeah, I liked it.
I didn’t expect much from the show at first as it was a very slow build, but once it got rolling I was hooked. You can somewhat compare it to Buffy, but it’s more like the darker season 6 than anything else. But I personally liked season 6’s darker, tumultuous tone; so Hex ended up being a good fit for me.
When I did finally get off my ass to go drink some beer, I set the ol’ VCR to record the last couple of episodes that they showed (I am such a nerd). So I wasn’t completely done with the show after 7 hours, I had to finish watching it on Sunday.
After 2 hours the next morning, I was finally done with all the Hex they’ve shown so far on BBCA (the last season airs this summer I think). But I wasn’t done with BBCA itself quite yet. Those cheeky bastards decided that they were going to try to catch me up on the first season of Dr. Who this weekend as well. Which was nice of them since I’ve been trying to get that from Jake so that I can see what precedes season 2 (which I’m watching religiously now). 6 time & space bending episodes later, and I’m up to speed with BBCA’s schedule for Dr. Who as well.
So now I’m making it a point to check out the BBCA portion of the menu; as show for show, their sci-fi show lineup rivals (if not betters) that of The Sci-Fi Channel. And they’re about to debut another sci-fi show, Hyperdrive, that looks to be along the same lines as a Red Dwarf or maybe “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”
I knew that the British knew their TV comedy (The Office, Coupling, Benny Hill, etc), I just never knew how well they did the sci-fi too.
D
Plus they also say “shit” a lot without bleeping it and I saw most of a boob too.
Friday, January 12, 2007
God, I’ll kill whomever you need me to if you let this pass…
And if the Statesboro voters don’t pass it, I’ll kill a whole hell of a lot more…
D
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Tales of Dickery: Stuart and the Deserted, Dirt Road
Alright, this one’s not really about Stuart being stupid or anything. This one was the result of him being a dick, and me having to trump him.
Stuart and the Deserted, Dirt Road
Stuart, myself and a friend of ours (Jason) were all on the way back home from football practice one evening. And it’s not like it was just across town. We all went to a small, private school that was about a 30 minute drive from home. And 80% of that was through the middle of nowhere.
So we’re on our way home and Stuart begins to act like the little douche that he truly was at that point. I mean, just mouthing off about anything and everything. I yell at him to shut up or I’m gonna make him pay for it. Nothing. He still keeps on, thinking that he has safety in the backseat of the car.
So I pull on to a long, dirt road just off the main road we were on. I slam on the brakes, he flies forward, and I bitch slap him right across the face; all in one perfectly choreographed sequence. (When Jason tells this story, he loves to emphasize the bitch slapping.)
Stuart in his stunned and extremely confused state had to have thought that was the end of it. A little corporal punishment and it’d be over. Not so much.
“Get the fuck out.”
“But…”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out!”
Stuart opens the door, backs out so that he can still keep an eye on me and my hands, and slowly closes the door. I throw the car in reverse and back down the dirt road and back onto the main road. I put it in drive and peel away leaving Stuart standing there in the middle of nowhere on a dirt road with nightfall coming on very quickly.
About 10 minutes later, Jason breaks his self-imposed silence.
“You’re gonna go back there for him, right?”
“Fuck him.”
“Seriously, dude. You’re gonna go home and leave him there in the middle of nowhere with God knows who or what to come along and Deliverance him?”
“Pretty much.”
“Your parents are going to murder you in your sleep. I don’t think they could take you while you’re awake, but still: you’re so freakin’ dead.”
“……”
I slam on the brakes, turn the car around, and head back to see if there was anything left of Stuart or his ego.
When we get there, we can’t even see Stuart on the road, and the darkfall with no moon or street lights didn’t help.
“Oh fuck. He’s dead.” Was all that Jason could say.
We sat there for a few seconds before I rolled down the window and yelled for him to get his punk ass in the car, at which point he bounded out of the brush on the side of the road like some scrawny, white bushman. He apparently had hidden in the brush because he saw and heard a rowdy bunch of rednecks coming down the road in a pickup, and realized that this was a good time to start being neither seen nor heard.
The rest of the way home was the longest period of time that I’ve ever heard Stuart quiet, even to this very day. He didn’t say shit for the rest of the night and was even good the next day too. But 2 days later he was a douche again.
D
Stuart and the Deserted, Dirt Road
Stuart, myself and a friend of ours (Jason) were all on the way back home from football practice one evening. And it’s not like it was just across town. We all went to a small, private school that was about a 30 minute drive from home. And 80% of that was through the middle of nowhere.
So we’re on our way home and Stuart begins to act like the little douche that he truly was at that point. I mean, just mouthing off about anything and everything. I yell at him to shut up or I’m gonna make him pay for it. Nothing. He still keeps on, thinking that he has safety in the backseat of the car.
So I pull on to a long, dirt road just off the main road we were on. I slam on the brakes, he flies forward, and I bitch slap him right across the face; all in one perfectly choreographed sequence. (When Jason tells this story, he loves to emphasize the bitch slapping.)
Stuart in his stunned and extremely confused state had to have thought that was the end of it. A little corporal punishment and it’d be over. Not so much.
“Get the fuck out.”
“But…”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out!”
Stuart opens the door, backs out so that he can still keep an eye on me and my hands, and slowly closes the door. I throw the car in reverse and back down the dirt road and back onto the main road. I put it in drive and peel away leaving Stuart standing there in the middle of nowhere on a dirt road with nightfall coming on very quickly.
About 10 minutes later, Jason breaks his self-imposed silence.
“You’re gonna go back there for him, right?”
“Fuck him.”
“Seriously, dude. You’re gonna go home and leave him there in the middle of nowhere with God knows who or what to come along and Deliverance him?”
“Pretty much.”
“Your parents are going to murder you in your sleep. I don’t think they could take you while you’re awake, but still: you’re so freakin’ dead.”
“……”
I slam on the brakes, turn the car around, and head back to see if there was anything left of Stuart or his ego.
When we get there, we can’t even see Stuart on the road, and the darkfall with no moon or street lights didn’t help.
“Oh fuck. He’s dead.” Was all that Jason could say.
We sat there for a few seconds before I rolled down the window and yelled for him to get his punk ass in the car, at which point he bounded out of the brush on the side of the road like some scrawny, white bushman. He apparently had hidden in the brush because he saw and heard a rowdy bunch of rednecks coming down the road in a pickup, and realized that this was a good time to start being neither seen nor heard.
The rest of the way home was the longest period of time that I’ve ever heard Stuart quiet, even to this very day. He didn’t say shit for the rest of the night and was even good the next day too. But 2 days later he was a douche again.
D
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
See Big, Dumb American run. Run, Big, Dumb American, run!
The odometer to the right is to help me keep track of how I’m doing when I go running, and also to help me keep it going. My initial reason was that if I was dumb enough to keep putting it up there, I’d have to keep up with it so that I didn’t look like an artard or a lazy ass bum. Basically, I’m trying to shame myself into more running.
I think I actually ganked this idea from somebody back in the day. The Princess Hiker, maybe? I’m just ready to do it now though.
It won’t get updated every day, as I won’t be running every day. Hopefully it’ll be about every other day, or at least Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for using that frickin elliptical that’s in my apartment. And of course there’s already a monkey wrench in the plan, as I have to work late tonight and won’t be able to run. So I guess I’ll have to make it up sometime else.
And technically; yes, I think that it’s supposed to be “pedometer”, but I liked “odometer” better. So that’s that.
D
I think I actually ganked this idea from somebody back in the day. The Princess Hiker, maybe? I’m just ready to do it now though.
It won’t get updated every day, as I won’t be running every day. Hopefully it’ll be about every other day, or at least Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for using that frickin elliptical that’s in my apartment. And of course there’s already a monkey wrench in the plan, as I have to work late tonight and won’t be able to run. So I guess I’ll have to make it up sometime else.
And technically; yes, I think that it’s supposed to be “pedometer”, but I liked “odometer” better. So that’s that.
D
Release the hounds!
So I got a kick ass Christmas check this year and have gone ahead and earmarked it for… wait for it… a new laptop! And that’s where I need your help. Well, your recommendations at least.
I’m currently eyeing the Apple MacBook and possibly a Sony Vaio, but I don’t want to rule out the old Dells or HPs.
So if you know what direction I should be looking in to check email, read and post on the Interweb, watch porn, burn cds/dvds, and maybe a little bit of gaming; let me know. I think I need all the help I can get.
D
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I don't know what it is...
But I want it.
Sweet Jesus I love Bruce Campbell. The Old Spice however, not so much.
D
Sweet Jesus I love Bruce Campbell. The Old Spice however, not so much.
D
I put the “dic” in “prediction”
Man, it’s a good thing that I didn’t bet any money, take any sort of pride in, or have a sense of accomplishment in my bowl game predictions because I suck ass at it. I think I actually get progressively worse every year. Like I have some degenerative disease that’s just eroding my analytical skills. Or I’m drinking too much.
This year’s final tally: 17-15. That’s 2 games over .500 and a whopping 53% winning percentage. Enough to get me fired from pretty much any coaching position in any sport on any level. Or killed if I coached soccer in a South American country.
And thus ends another season of college football. I’ll miss you College Gameday Live from everywhere other than Statesboro, USC Song Girls that cheer at the wrong time and show their nice asses on national TV, rooting for any team that plays UGA on Saturday and betting that they’ll probably lose their bye week too, asking on Sunday how the tailgate that I was at for 8 hours was because I got too drunk to remember (again), and especially you John David Booty. Heh heh heh…”Booty”.
Sigh. Oh well, time now to move on to college basketball. But hey, only about 2 months before I get to showcase my skills and pick the NCAA Tournament. I can’t wait to have my Fantastic Final Four turn into the Defenders again…
D
This year’s final tally: 17-15. That’s 2 games over .500 and a whopping 53% winning percentage. Enough to get me fired from pretty much any coaching position in any sport on any level. Or killed if I coached soccer in a South American country.
And thus ends another season of college football. I’ll miss you College Gameday Live from everywhere other than Statesboro, USC Song Girls that cheer at the wrong time and show their nice asses on national TV, rooting for any team that plays UGA on Saturday and betting that they’ll probably lose their bye week too, asking on Sunday how the tailgate that I was at for 8 hours was because I got too drunk to remember (again), and especially you John David Booty. Heh heh heh…”Booty”.
Sigh. Oh well, time now to move on to college basketball. But hey, only about 2 months before I get to showcase my skills and pick the NCAA Tournament. I can’t wait to have my Fantastic Final Four turn into the Defenders again…
D
Tigger layeth the smacketh down
After years of of mental and verbal abuse from both Pooh and Christopher Robin, Tigger could no longer hold in his rage...
Ahhhh, that’s good stuff.
D
Ahhhh, that’s good stuff.
D
Monday, January 08, 2007
It’s a moral imperative that I see this movie.
What?!?! I’m just now finding out about this?!?!
Good, God I loved “Real Genius”. Loved? Wait, no. That should be “love”. No… that should be “fucking, absolutely LOVE”. I still stop and watch it every time I see that it’s on nowadays. Without fail.
So I just about wet myself when I saw that Val Kilmer is trying to do more comedies, and specifically, wants to go back and do a follow up to “Real Genius”. And it had very little to do with the fact that I really had to go to the bathroom anyways. My peeing myself, not Kilmer’s decision. My juju in Hollywood isn’t that strong yet.
Man o man. This is gonna mean more to me than Snakes on a Plane ever did.
D
Good, God I loved “Real Genius”. Loved? Wait, no. That should be “love”. No… that should be “fucking, absolutely LOVE”. I still stop and watch it every time I see that it’s on nowadays. Without fail.
So I just about wet myself when I saw that Val Kilmer is trying to do more comedies, and specifically, wants to go back and do a follow up to “Real Genius”. And it had very little to do with the fact that I really had to go to the bathroom anyways. My peeing myself, not Kilmer’s decision. My juju in Hollywood isn’t that strong yet.
Man o man. This is gonna mean more to me than Snakes on a Plane ever did.
D
Verizon. They never stop working for me.
It's 2007 and I may still not have my flying car, teleporter, mech suit, rocket pack, holo-deck or any of that other crap I was promised long ago by cartoons, TV and movies; but at least Verizon is still trying to come up with something to tide me over until I can get what I really want.
Live TV set for Verizon cell phones
Now if someone could just come up with a Replicator in the meantime, I'd wait a little more patiently on that mech suit.
D
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Not dead...
Just a busy beaver. (13 1/2 hours Tues, 9 1/2 hours Wed, and still here at 7:00 Thurs.)
I've got a few things in the works, if I can ever find the time to sit down and write & post them.
Sorry to the Interweb fans of the show.
D
I've got a few things in the works, if I can ever find the time to sit down and write & post them.
Sorry to the Interweb fans of the show.
D
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