He's a superhero...and he fights crime!

Well, it's good to see that Liquid Courage is up and at 'em again... sort of.

Superheroes + Beer = Good Commercial

+ =

I've been catching this Heineken ad "Darren's Powers" a few times lately, after only seeing it once all last year (I believe around the Super Bowl).

It's by no means a great commercial, but it's got a couple of the things that I like to see in an ad: beer and superheroes. And that's gotta count for something.

Now if it had included any of the following: explosions, a talking bear, half naked (or naked) chicks, Lando Calrissian or David Hasselhoff; it could be one of the single greatest ads ever produced. Right up there with my personal pantheon of "Where's the Beef?", any "Terry Tate" ad, the "John West Salmon" ad, or all of the ESPN "This is Sportscenter" ads.

I think that if I were to see an ad with all of those elements in it, I'd probably turn off the TV and never watch it again. I mean, how do you continue watching after witnessing the most perfect thing ever to be put on television? You should just go out on top, content with knowing the fact that everything else would be an abomination and an affront to everything that you now believed to be good in the world.

Or you could just keep watching and hope for someone to make another commercial for The Clapper...

D

Chuck chuck, bo-buck, banana-fanna, fo...

When do you start to feel comfortable with someone you just met? After a few minutes of chit-chat? After a couple of jokes? Maybe just a good laugh at someone else's expense? How about a couple of beers? I guess it depends on the people involved and the situation. But I know when I feel a little more comfortable with someone:

The first time I hear them say "fuck".

Yep, all it takes is one, little, single, solitary word to make me feel like I can continue to be around that person for a little while longer. Hell, half the time I'm just listening for them to say "fuck" again. (Not that I'm not listening, I'm just really really listening for that one word.)

I don't care how it's used either:
Adjective: "I hate that fucking guy."
Verb: "Well, fuck that!"
Adverb: "That bitch talks way too fucking much."
Noun: "I don't give a fuck."
Sentence: "Fuck!"
Multiple times making a longer sentence: "Well, fuck those fucking fuckers!" (I never get tired of that one)
Etc...


Is it wrong for the greatest 4 letter word ever devised to be the one thing that can ingratiate someone to me? It is? Really? Well, fuck off!

D

Almost as good as giving the finger.

I've been waiting for the GSU Bookstore to get some more "anti" stickers. Now I can have a "Vermin" and "crApp State" to go on the car along with my "UGAy" sticker.

And I probably should get another GSU sticker as mine is starting to fade. I'll just add this to the list of stuff I have to get from the Bookstore along with the primary logo flag for the apartment.

D

Palm it like a basketball

First, let me give credit where credit is due for me even seeing this picture: Paul.

If you haven't seen this before, it's an Iowa student posing with ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews. Mmmmm....Erin Andrews *drool*.

I've said this before, but I never wanted to be an Iowa fan until I saw this picture. Now I just want to be that Iowa fan. And only for the few seconds it took to shoot that picture. But not when he probably got slapped. But yes if she did say something cool or just let it slide. And also when he got back to his buddies who just saw the whole thing.

Maybe if this had happened during football season, I would have picked Iowa over Florida in the Outback Bowl.

D

Fine. But I'm not drinking any Fosters!!!

If you curse at them, they will come?

"Australia launched a new A$180 million ($133 million) advertising campaign Thursday which seeks to attract international tourists by swearing at them. "

Well, shit yeah! Finally, a foreign tourism campaign that I can get behind. One that cusses me out. Sort of.

http://www.wherethebloodyhellareyou.com/

No:


NO!:


Two wrongs don't make a right:


Winner winner chicken dinner!!:


Now all I gotta do is book a plane ticket, get a hotel, rent a car, and...oh yeah, come up with a couple hundred million dollars; and then Rachel Hunter is all mine.

D

The Buffalo Theory

There's been (very) slight discussion about how guys can remember quotes from movies and TV with relative ease. And about how the older you get, the less of those you actually do remember, possibly through the consumption of greater amounts of alcohol over the years.

I offered up that the majority of the brain cells that I still have and that were strong enough to survive all the alcohol, were the ones that store movie and TV quotes.

But I think that Cliff Clavin from Cheers, the veritable fountain of wisdom that he is, said it best with his "Buffalo Theory":

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

That ends today's lecture on Beer and Bio-Mechanics. Class dismissed.

D

Just for Alison, we can tie this post back to Star Wars. John Ratzenberger was also in The Empire Strikes Back.

"I don't think you understand the relationship a man has with his facial hair."

(Name the movie, anyone?)

Beard... itchy.
Can't... stand it... any... longer.
Must... shave.

Gonna go from this:

That'd be Grizzly Adams for all you that are TV-challenged.

To this:

That'd be my evil twin from a parallel universe.

Not quite this:

Had to get the Green Arrow goatee in there somewhere.

And finally, probably back to this:

My standard, lazy scruffiness.


I'd like to do Chris' "Facial Hair of the World Week", but it's been done before. And I don't think I'd get as good a reaction from it here as he did that week in the office.

D


That's a lot of beard:

A free $50 Applebee's gift certificate? Get the fuck outta here!

It seems that almost every day (or at least every other day) I get an email that's been forwarded to me. And to 10 thousand other people too. And they all want me to either fill out my portion of the email and send it on, or just simply send it on to "anyone else you know who could use this information."

And I fucking hate those emails. Goddamned chain letters.

I'd like to think that I have better things to do than to think about whether or not God checks and sees who believes in him because they forwarded on an email. Or how the government is going to start charging people to send email because they aren't making as much on stamps and shit (if that happens I'm screwed). Or even about how little Suzie won't survive her seventh open heart surgery of the week if she doesn't get 1,237 names and prayers.

Bullshit.

So now I am instituting a new email policy:
All incoming, mass-forwarded emails will be subject to review by myself and Snopes. Then a response will be sent back to the violating party including a link to Snopes and/or the Snopes entry, along with a brief comment like "Please be sure to verify all mass-forwarded emails for validity before sending them to me as not to waste my time."

Or something like that.

If I can crush some jackass's dream for a free gift certificate to Applebee's or a free pair of Nikes, then I think I've done my civic duty as a member of the online community. And made myself a little happier in the process.

There's an awful lot of idiots out there on the Internet. I like to think it's part of my job to keep them in check.

D

A little rest for the wicked

Sorry to no-show for Casey's 2nd birthday celebration last night, but I was out cold.

Stupid sinus thing has been driving me bonkers for about a week now. The only time I've felt good is when I'm sleeping or just after I get up. So I went home yesterday after work and took a nap. Then got up just long enough to eat, watch "How I met Your Mother", and go back to bed until this morning.

And do I feel better? A tad. But not enough for me to not schedule another freakin' doctor's appointment for tomorrow.

So I got that to look forward to. Yay.

D

Cue the Rocky theme

I have to train. I have to train like no man has trained before. Push myself to the limit until my mind, body and spirit can take no more. And all because of 9 words. 9 simple, little, off-the-cuff words that were said in jest:

"I bet I can beat Kelley in Buffy trivia."

What started as a harmless jab just to fill another spot in my "100", has turned out to be me biting off more than I can chew apparently. Now Kelley has thrown down the gauntlet of Myneghon and wants a contest.

And there's no way to get out of it. Even though it was a harmless joke, I stuck both my feet in my mouth and quite possibly may have let my mouth write a check my ass can't cash. Not that I ever run away from a fight, mind you. There's just the whole "discretion is the better part of valor" and all that.

But I have a temporary reprieve: Scott asked "Where are we gonna find a big enough geek to come up with the questions to ask you two?"

Kelley and I both know who can fill that role, but she thinks he'd be biased and sway the questions in my favor. I don't. I think he'd want to see just how well he's trained me by putting me up against the Ken Jennings of the Buffyverse.

So, until we get the mediator, arena, time and place set; I have to train. After all; there's 7 seasons, 144 episodes, roughly 6048 minutes and a crapload of vampire dustings I need to get through to be ready.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make sure there are enough batteries for the remote, cold Vault in the fridge and snacks in the cupboard. Just in case my training gets out of hand, I'll take a cue from Giles:
"Ah. Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away."

D

1, 2, skip a few, 99, 100!

"100 Things About Me"
1. I don’t like the number “1”.
2. “2” is my favorite number.
3. I prefer evens to odds.
4. My middle initial is “R”.
5. I sometimes tell people my middle name is “Roberto”. It isn't, but it sounds funny.
6. My favorite color is blue.

7. I have an older sister.
8. And a niece. From my sister.
9. And a younger step brother.
10. I have a minor case of OCD. Well, I think it's minor.
11. I try to tell people it’s endearing…but it’s probably not
12. I don’t really have ADD (I think), but I do get bored & distracted very easily. The sign of a genius?
13. My mind wanders a lot, kind of like J.D. on Scrubs.
14. I work with people day in and day out, which is odd because:
15. I hate people. Well, ignorant people mostly.
16. I hate when people ask me what I want to do for a living.
17. Mostly because I can’t ever tell them I really want to be a superhero.
18. I like to drink.
19. Sometimes I think I drink too much.
20. Sometimes I think I don’t drink enough.
21. I used to have my own big beer mug at Dos Primos. It was kick ass.
22. I think some fucker stole it.
23. Miller Light’s my beer.
24. Jim Beam’s my bourbon.
25. My feet hurt.
26. I have to go to the bathroom.
27. I’m back from the bathroom.
28. It was #1.
29. I have 3 tattoos.
30. I like to play the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” game.
31. I’ve had good success with it.
32. I want another one.
33. It would be the GSU eagle head logo on my right shoulder.
34. I dig the pain that you feel when getting one.
35. I went to Georgia Southern University. Go Eagles!
36. I majored in Broadcasting.
37. Go figure, my degree was in TV.
38. It took me 5 years to graduate.
39. I had 2 senior years. Super duper senior!
40. I dropped 1 class while here, but I had already passed it with an A.
41. It was because I didn’t want to be the TA for it. I only retook it for "insurance hours".
42. I’m not as stupid as I look. Well, depending on who you ask.
43. I graduated with a 3.6 GPA.
44. That bastard Harbour forgot to say “Cum Laude” when I walked across the stage & I almost turned around on stage in front of everyone and made him say it.
45. I'm self deprecating.

46. I have a dog.
47. He’s a white German Shepherd named Brody.
48. I talk to him constantly which may mean there's something seriously wrong with me.
49. I’m a geek. Well, a closet geek.
50. I like comic books.
51. No wait, I love comic books.
52. I’m becoming less of a Marvel fan.
53. And more of a DC fan.
54. I named my car after Grimlock, King of the Dinobots.
55. I bet I can beat Kelley in Buffy trivia.
56. I was born in Statesboro.
57. We moved to SC when I was 8.
58. I went to a small, private school.
59. It wasn’t my choice really.
60. I played football.
61. In the “pussy, white boy league” as Scott would have you believe.
62. He’d probably be right.
63. I played Iron Man style: offense, defense and special teams.
64. I only missed 2 plays my entire senior year.
65. It was because of a broken chinstrap.
66. Not the concussion that I later learned I had.
67. I reset my own nose in the bathroom of a Wendy’s after a game once.
68. I yelled “Fuck!” so loud they heard me outside.
69. I also played basketball.
70. Now I have bad knees.
71. If I could sing like anyone, it would be Chris Cornell.

72. I think I'm selfish.
73. I laugh when people fall.
74. If I’m feeling down, something bad happening to someone else cheers me up.
75. I prefer the college version of any sport to the pros, especially football and basketball.
76. I like buying things for myself.
77. But I feel bad when I do it.
78. If I had a million dollars, I probably wouldn’t do a damned thing.
79. And that kind of irritates me.
80. But I’d get over it, ‘cause I’d be rich, bitch!
81. I’m a hopeless romantic.
82. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve already met and missed “the one”.
83. I think I do have a “one that got away”.
84. I never tell people what my greatest fear is.
85. I talk in my sleep and I snore.
86. I hate UGA.
87. I think Duke sucks.
88. Sometimes I want to move far, far away and start completely over again, but I play it too safe.
89. And I’d miss Statesboro and my friends too much.
90. I'm pissed because I can't remove the spaces that are in between some of these numbers.
91. I’d rather stay in than go out.
92. I like to cook.
93. I like to clean (my place, no one else’s).
94. I hate folding laundry.
95. I don’t iron.
96. My favorite smells are a clean apartment, leaves burning in the winter, a new car, and new toys out of the package.
97. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything with my life.
98. I wonder what my destiny is.
99. My favorite grown up word is “cathartic”.
100. My favorite word period is “fuck”.

So that's 100 things you may have not known (or cared to know) about me. I feel kind of violated now.

D

I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired!

Author's note: I have added a brief blurb due to Alison's criticism and nagging. (SARCASM)

Stupid weak immune system. I guess that just means I haven't been drinking enough lately. When I was drinking more frequently than I do now, I never got sick. My body was battle tested through constant skirmishes with Miller's army and Jim Beam and his Hurling Commandos. No germ/virus had the balls to walk into my body and try to start something. Maybe I should go get some beer on the way home and self medicate tonight.



But whatever. I think I've mostly kicked it and kind of want to go running today. However, I usually don't go running on Wednesdays as it is a "rest day" in my weekly running routine so I'll go tomorrow if I can. And besides, today is a very special day:

New Comic Book Day!!! Otherwise known as Wednesday, Alison. (SARCASM)


DC's Justice #4

Going to pick up my comics will make me feel better. Just as long as they're all in my pull box this time. I've run into a couple of problems lately that have irritated me just a little bit. Most notably them leaving Wolverine #37 out and now they can't go back and reorder it, which means I have to hunt for it at other stores or order online. And I can't read #38 (which I do have) until I get #37. Damn.


Marvel's Wolverine #37


Oooh! And a new Lost is on tonight too:
Wednesday, Feb. 15 at 9/8c
"One of Them"
Rousseau leads Sayid to a captive who may be one of the "Others," and Sawyer forces Hurley to help him track down an elusive island creature.

So tonight ought to be a good one. Hopefully.

D

Kibbles & Bits

- I was bored yesterday and perused my archives. Man, I wrote a lot of crap. But I noticed a few items of unfinished business that gave me something to work on, which you may see soon:

• My "100 Things About Me" that I never got around to
• "The Do's and Don'ts of Dating D"

------------------



- I'm trying to decide how I want to handle the upcoming Hallmark Holiday next week:

• Totally ignoring it
• Blasting it completely
• Posting a plethora ("yes, El Guapo, I would say you have a plethora") of anti-Valentine's stuff, i.e. games, comics, quotes, cards, etc...
• Feeling sad and depressed and droning on about all kinds of drivel
• Getting really, really, fucking drunk

------------------

- I'm going to try and make it to at least 1 of the home baseball games against Georgia Tech this weekend. And possibly the basketball game against The Citadel. So, half of the "Eagle Fan Challenge". Anyone else going? Gimme a ring.

--------------------

- Taking my cue from Roethlisberger/Norris/Thor, I'm growing a beard. It's cold and I'm lazy, so leave me alone. Don't worry, I won't let it get out of control. People at work will probably give me enough crap about it to make me shave sooner or later.

DID YOU KNOW? The average beard grows 14 cm in a year, and in an average lifespan, a clean-shaven man will trim off nearly 3.5 kg of whisker hair.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

--------------------

- GSU released its 2006 football schedule. We have an open date/bye week on Sept. 2nd. I guess I'm guaranteed not to lose on my birthday weekend. Umm, sweet?

Chuck Norris is ranked 12th in the AP college football poll.

That is all. For now.

D

Apocalypse Now-ish

"What happens when a Duke alum and a hardcore Carolina fan attempt to work together on something?"

Well, if the world doesn't suddenly and violently end, it probably has a little something to do with March Madness.

You can feel it can't you? That little tingle on the back of your neck and the faint whisper of "One Shining Moment" in your ear. The twitch in the corner of your eye and the jerk in your thumb wanting to switch from game to game with your satellite remote. Quick flashes of last second buzzer beaters from years past and the growing urge to pick a 12 seed over a 5.

It's madness! Madness, I tell you! And it'll only get worse. Or better if you're a college hoops junkie.

So get ready for a little bracketology. Alison and I will be co-hosting the "First Annual Blogger Bracket Pool" very soon, so start studying up and feel free to practice on the conference tourneys to brush up on your selecting skills. Or at the very least, dust off the Magic 8 Ball.

I leave you with a view of how things are supposed to turn out in the end, and a glimpse into the mouth of Madness...


D

I'm not hiding.

I had another post written for this. Actually, I had several. They were complete with statistics, quotes, observances and obscenities (lots of obscenities). And I deleted them all. This seemed to work best for me.

Yes, Carolina lost last night.
Yes, I am still slightly pissed.
Yes, I'm proud of the Heels for rallying several times only to falter in the end.
Yes, this was another chapter in the most storied rivalry in college basketball.
Yes, Duke still sucks.

I just have 1 last thing to say:
Rematch!

March 4th in Durham


D

Alison can probably skip this one...

Duke sucks!!!!

There, I said it. Again. I say it quite a bit, actually. And I mean it every time. Almost with as much passion as if I said "Fuck UGAy!" or "Furman sucks big, purple donkey balls" or something akin to that.

Where does this animosity come from?

The only school that I habitually pull for other than Georgia Southern, is the University of North Carolina.

And tonight the Heels play Dook in Chapel Hill. (ESPN, 9:00)

So, I'm gearing up for another Carolina victory to help us win the Carlyle Cup.

I thought I might leave you with a bit of wisdom taken from duke-sucks.com.

"I looked up the word "Duke" in the dictionary, and it confirms:
Duke-adj-the state of sucking. That which sucks. A form of sucking which may or may not include swallowing. "

The site itself may be defunct, but the spirit remains.

Go Heels!

D

It was a 6 on the "suckometer"

Yesterday was officially "teh suxor".

I apologize to everyone if the Internet didn't function properly yesterday, because I wasn't on it at all.

I was at home hacking up a lung and wondering how I managed to swallow an entire box of razor blades that were slicing up my throat from the inside.

Because sleep was the only time I felt good (and I got to be a Viking), I slept in as long as possible with the profuse use of NyQuil (1:45ish). Then I made the long and arduous journey to the distant lands of "Couchtopia", where I was able to watch the episode of Grey's Anatomy I taped Sunday night and then polish off the last 4 episodes of Scrubs: Season 1.

And that's the most productive I was all day. Yay, me.

Poor Brody. Daddy was home all day and he couldn't even muster the energy & strength to walk the dog, let alone play with him...all 100 times he tried to get me to. At one point I caught myself just kinda staring off out the window and I asked him if that's what he does all day when I'm gone. He groaned and rolled over as if to say "Asshole. Just don't go pulling up the carpet. I save that for when I'm pissed at you."

But today is better. It's dipped to a 4 on the suckometer. Maybe a Carolina win tonight will help out some.

D

Stroking the Ego.

Heh heh. "Stroking."

Nabbed this from The Waiter's latest post.
My comments are blue.

What Your Drink Says About You.

Beer – Blue collar, simple, and an old standby. (I think a girl wearing a t-shirt and jeans while drinking a good ‘ol Bud is very sexy.) <--- It can be. Especially when I'm in a place where I don't see it a ton already. It reminds me of home. My case in point: Hawaii.

Whisky, Single Malt Scotch, Bourbon – You’re a sexual athlete. Women want you and men want to be like you. You have class, talent, wit, and brains. Of course, this is what I drink.
<--- This is what I like to tell myself I am. Of course, that's usually after I've downed a few of these to get the charm going.

Now I'm ready to drink. See ya at the bar.

D

Super Bowl!

I tried to come up with some crazy scheme to pick this year's Super Bowl, like trying to get the dog to pick one (he was none too cooperative). But that didn't pan out. Hmm...maybe if I had a monkey...

At least with all the bowl games I had a little more insight into the matchups and had more to work with.

So, I just figured I'd go with my go-to-guy's pick for Sunday. The man who was 66% for his picks for the whole year:

G4's Jimmy the Geek.

He usually sets his picks for whichever games after simulating them on Madden, NCAA, MLB, NHL, etc. And that's good enough for me.

So, Jimmy's (and my actual, original) pick for Super Bowl XL?

The Pittsburgh Steelers

Straight from Jimmy's G4 page:
The Prop: Who Will Win SBXL?
The Line: Pittsburgh -4 Seattle
The Bet: $500/Pittsburgh -4
The Geek: It’s the Big Boy and we’ve placed our money accordingly. If the Steelers beat Cincy, Indy and Denver on the road only to lose this game they might as well just live in Detroit. It’ll already feel like they are in hell, might as well make it a reality. And if they only win by a field goal I’ll move there myself.

So there we have it. A (not so) scientific formula to determine the winner of Super Bowl XL. And let's face it; as formulas go, this has got to be the coolest.

D

"I've always wanted to see Macon, Georgia."

I guess they didn't have room to put in the marker for the Chris Brennaman (pre)Memorial Historical Museum or the first-ever "National House of Holy Shit! Pancakes". Oh well. At least Shit Kicker got a plug.

D

Anyone know where the title came from?

Oby Kaybee

Just got back from the dentist, complete with a half mouth full of novacaine. So talking is quite humorous.

Now I feel like Mush Mouth from Fat Albert.



Or maybe good old JR, Jim Ross.



Oh man. My seat in Hell just got a lot better. Or worse.

D