Enjoy it while it lasts...

Sporting what could be my last beard for a long, long time.

Since I'll probably be having to shave every damned day for a couple of months until I get on a shift, I figured I should put off shaving for as long as possible. Which will probably be until January 8th or 9th.

So, itchy it may be, but I have to do it while I still can.

You know, use it or lose it. Or maybe, use it then lose it.

D

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah...

All that jazz and more from your friends here at Screw Big, Dumb American.

D

Christmas Comes Early

Friday brought an early Christmas present to the SBDA household:

A new frickin' job!

Had the interview in the morning; and later on that evening, had a job offer. So I told them I needed a little time to sort it all out (which I actually did), and that I'd call back to let them know. A few phone calls later, and after getting my head a little straighter, I knew I had to turn in my 2 weeks notice which I did over the phone and with an email.

I just needed a picture as awesome as the present that I got. This'll do it.

So I think I'll be starting with the Department around January 7th. At least that's the plan. And I also have to go through a few hoops what with the physical, drug screen and a few other tests. And let's not forget the fun that will be my last few days at the old job. Yay.

So anyways, Merry Christmas to me. Oh, and you guys as well. Thanks for all the well wishes again.

I'll let you all know more as I do, or at least when more things become a little clearer.

D

It's the most wonderful time of the year

It's bowl season!! And that can only mean one thing here on SBDA: that's right, it's time for the Annual Bowl Picks Super Spectacular Prognostication Post!!!! (insert cheers and confetti)

This is what, the 3rd year of embarrasing myself with my picks in front of the whole Interweb? And I'm still doing it? Wow, I really am a glutton for punishment.

Seeing as how I don't have the time or creative juices to do another ABPSSPP like I really want to do a la the first one (and I promise it's not because of the MyFace), this one's gonna be more like last year's: short, sweet and mostly wrong.

And away we go...

(Winners are highlighted/bolded/blued/whatever)

Poinsettia

San Diego

Utah vs. Navy
Dec. 20, 9 p.m.
ESPN

My heart wants to pick Navy, but the reason it wants to has already left to coach Georgia Tech.

New Orleans

New Orleans
Florida Atlantic vs. Memphis
Dec. 21, 8 p.m.
ESPN2

Papajohns.com

Birmingham, Ala.
Cincinnati vs. Southern Miss
Dec. 22, 1 p.m.
ESPN2

New Mexico

Albuquerque, N.M.
Nevada vs. New Mexico
Dec. 22, 4:30 p.m.
ESPN

Las Vegas

Las Vegas
UCLA vs. BYU
Dec. 22, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Rarely do I pick the Stormin' Mormons, but this is one of those times.

Hawaii

Honolulu
Boise State vs. East Carolina
Dec. 23, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Motor City

Detroit
Central Michigan vs. Purdue
Dec. 26, 7:30 p.m.
ESPN

Holiday

San Diego
Arizona State vs. Texas
Dec. 27, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Texas

Houston
Texas Christian vs. Houston
Dec. 28, 8 p.m.
NFL Network

Ummmm... who cares? It's either the Horny Toads or "Hooston". This time the more obscure Best of the Best 2 reference wins out.

Champ Sports

Orlando, Fla.
Boston College vs. Michigan State
Dec. 28, 5 p.m.
ESPN

Emerald

San Francisco
Maryland vs. Oregon State
Dec. 28, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Beavers...

Meineke Car Care

Charlotte, N.C.
Wake Forest vs. Connecticut
Dec. 29, 1 p.m.
ESPN

Liberty

Memphis, Tenn.
Central Florida vs. Mississippi State
Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m.
ESPN

Alamo

San Antonio
Penn State vs. Texas A&M
Dec. 29, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Independence

Shreveport, La.
Colorado vs. Alabama
Dec. 30, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Armed Forces

Fort Worth, Texas
California vs. Air Force
Dec. 31, 12:30 p.m.
ESPN

Humanitarian

Boise, Idaho
Fresno State vs. Georgia Tech
Dec. 31, 2 p.m.
ESPN2

Sun

El Paso, Texas
Oregon vs. South Florida
Dec. 31, 2 p.m.
CBS

Music City

Nashville, Tenn.
Kentucky vs. Florida State
Dec. 31, 4 p.m.
ESPN
Had this one picked even before the 20+ player suspension.

Chick-fil-A

Atlanta
Auburn vs. Clemson
Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m.
ESPN

Insight

Tempe, Ariz.
Indiana vs. Oklahoma State
Dec. 31, 8 p.m.
NFL Network

Outback

Tampa, Fla.
Wisconsin vs. Tennessee
Jan. 1, 11 a.m.
ESPN

Sorry, Adub.

Cotton

Dallas
Missouri vs. Arkansas
Jan. 1, 11:30 a.m.
FOX

The Petrino Curse begins...

Gator

Jacksonville, Fla.
Texas Tech vs. Virginia
Jan. 1, 1 p.m.
CBS

Capital One

Orlando, Fla.
Michigan vs. Florida
Jan. 1, 1 p.m.
ABC

Rose

Pasadena, Calif.
Southern California vs. Illinois
Jan. 1, 4:30 p.m.
ABC

Sugar

New Orleans
Hawaii vs. Georgia
Jan. 1, 8:30 p.m.
FOX

My head says Georgia, but my heart says "Shut the fuck up head. We're never taking Georgia, so get over it."

Fiesta

Glendale, Ariz.
Oklahoma vs. West Virginia
Jan. 2, 8 p.m.
FOX

Orange

Miami
Virginia Tech vs. Kansas
Jan. 3, 8 p.m.
FOX

International

Toronto
Rutgers vs. Ball State
Jan. 5, noon
ESPN2

Rut-gers!

GMAC

Mobile, Ala.
Bowling Green vs. Tulsa
Jan. 6, 8 p.m.
ESPN

The winner? The city of Mobile, who makes a few hundred thousand dollars off this game. The loser? Everyone who watches.

BCS Championship Game

New Orleans
Ohio State vs. LSU
Jan. 7, 8 p.m.
FOX

Geaux Bayou Bengals!

That's it. Now go and pick the opposites and you should do well.

D

Kinda like the Newlywed Game... but with politicians

My Dad usually sends me some pretty random emails, with the majority having a heaping dose of religion to them. But the other day he actually sent something useful:

"The Candidate Match Game" from USA Today

It's pretty handy when trying to figure out just who, out of all those future political let-downs, most closely resembles your beliefs/views on the most debated subjects.

Mine came out pretty much how I thought it would, and more so from an individual candidtae stand point and not a political party one.

I'm not a Republican, but over the years McCain has seemed like someone who I could get behind and Ron Paul has been good for me since he joined the race with his old-Republican ideas that are almost Democratic. Giuliani? Well, that's just fun to say. Plus, I already know his platform: noun, verb and 9-11. Simple and still effective enough for most people.

If you haven't taken it yet, give it a whirl. You might be suprised. Or maybe you won't.


D

I feel so dirty

Damn it. I finally went and did it. I broke. I caved. *sigh*

I created a MySpace page.

Now I feel like I'm addicted to crack or something because I can't stay off of it. This is worse than when I got Quicken.

What have I wrought?

D

Let's Get Physical

Yay! A trip to the doctor is always fun. Buuuuuuut, it was about time I had another battery of tests of the physical nature.

Turns out that yours semi-truly is healthy as a sasquatch.

Good, low blood pressure, weight about right, breathing was "very good" and everything else was fine. Sweet.

Only little bit o' fun was the "Do you drink?" portion of it.

"Do you drink?"
"Yes."
"About how often?"
"Well, only on the weekends really."
"Ok. And about how much on the weekends?"
"Which day?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Well, you know, it kinda depends on the day as to how much I might drink."
"Hmmm...Well, any given day. About a six pack?"
"Ummm..."
"About a twelve pack?"
"Weeeell.... ummmmmm...."
"I see..."
"Yeah..."
"And you know that's not exactly the wisest choice?"
"Yes sir. But I assure you it's under control."
And then back and forth banter about family history of alcoholism versus it being football season. Good times.

So, other than that humorous exchange, I'm all set to keep up with the training for the hopeful new jorb.

And despite me having a pretty high thresh-hold for pain, the tetanus shot did hurt like a little son of a bitch.

D

Just Because...

Sam's in the news again, but this time for something positive, I had to re-post the ever-popular "not so accurate" quote from Sam after He Who Shall Not Be Named left.

“I’m as fucking surprised as you guys are!”- Sam Baker, A.D.

D

Feasibility

Wow. About damned time. (and not just for a post from me)

Georgia Southern Announces Plans for FBS Feasibility Study

Time to start restructuring the ol' checkbook so I can contribute more to Southern Boosters and let them know why I'm doing it. You know, because the administration is showing some initiative.

D

"I wasn't sure what 'Division One' meant to him. But I knew what 'One' meant to me - Georgia, Notre Dame, Southern California - all those kind of folks."
- Coach Erk Russell

Happy Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving from Gobbles the Wonder Turkey and the rest of the Screw Big, Dumb American crew.... so um, you know, me.

Gobble gobble.

D

I'm not an asshole... am I?

When I have to be "on" all day long at work, and I'm just mentally drained at the end of it all; is it any wonder that all I really want is to either go to the gym or go running to feel as physically tired as I am mentally? By myself?

So when I get calls or texts to hang out and drink beer after work, I have a hard time accepting the invitations because I need to decompress or whatever.

Does that make me an asshole in some peoples' eyes because I'm not dropping my routine to go hang out? Or does everyone pretty much know that I'm doing what I need to in order to stay sane long enough to eventually see them on the weekend?

I'm hoping that everyone knows me well enough by now to know that any other time I'd love to have a beer or 18 and shoot the shite, but not in the early evening during the week. That's my quality me time.

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the invitations, because I really do. I'm probably just not gonna accept them right away, or at least until I hopefully have a new job that will allow me to do what I need to during the day and then hang out at night.

So I guess cross your fingers for me to get that new job soon, then everyone wins. Or something.

D

Tales of Dickery: Me Versus the Sink

Ah, time for an all new, all different Tales of Dickery! I figure that I owe you guys what with the absence and all. But I think we're all square after this gem. And it's fresh too! Happened just last week.

Tales of Dickery: Me Versus the Sink

And now the score sits at an even Derek: 1 / Sinks of the World: 1.

Last week I was out at a work function, dressed all nice as I'm s'posed to be. A few cups of coffee and a bottle of water later, and Derek needs to visit the el bano.

Everything comes out well and it's time to wash the hands; 'cause hey, I'm all hygienic and shit. Up until now, I've never met a malicious sink before. But lay eyes upon the first:

When you push the button on the other side, a boxing glove comes out and punches you in the groin.

Normally, when you push a button or turn a knob on a sink, water flows in a downward direction allowing you to rinse your hands, lather them up with soap and then rinse them off. Normally. But not this one. This evil fixture of fuckitude shoots out it's spray like a spitting cobra, but right at your crotch instead of your eyes. Check out the carnage:

Technically, I guess I did have an accident.

Obviously I can't just stroll back out and keep plugging along, I have to rectify the situation. So now I'm forced to stand in the bathroom and further humiliate myself by blowing on my crotch and rubbing it vigorously with a paper towel like I'm cleaning up an even dirtier mess. Jeez, I can smell the bad fanfic from here.

And of course I can't possibly get away with no one seeing me in my vulnerable state. That just doesn't happen to me. So a guy strolled in and he caught me out of the corner of his eye, prompting one of those great double takes because he's not entirely sure that they saw exactly what he did. You know, 'cause he didn't expect to see someone sort of rubbing one out in the bathroom that isn't of the interstate rest stop variety.

"Don't use the sink 'cause it makes you wet! I mean, um, the sink, it sprays your crotch instead of your hands. Like this. (points to crotch) ... Um, yeah... just be careful. Yeah."

Smooth.

And despite my attempts at warning the other unsuspecting potential victims of that aquatic crotch assassin, it struck several more times. And of course it was funny. Because it's always funnier when it's not me. BUT, this is a SBDA Tale of Dickery, so it's even funnier because it is me. At least to you guys.

D

Not exactly nepotism, but close...

Bionic Woman is starting to circle the drain, but I've at least started to make a game out of watching it.

The game runs along the lines of "spot the wrestler" in Beyond the Mat. Except now I play "spot the Battlestar Galactica actors."

So far, I can think of 4 that I've seen David Eick put on there. Starbuck, Chief Tyrol, Leobon Conoy, and Romo Lampkin. That's pretty impressive for only being 6 episodes into the season. I guess Eick has to find work for his Galactica people somehow since they like to take damned near forever in between seasons.

So I guess I'll be keeping a sort of running tally of guest appearances, if only in my head. Or maybe just a brief blurb when I find another "Waldo."

Until then, "So say we all."

D

Brutal Honesty

Oooh ouch. That's gotta sting. A lot.

I'm a little bit behind on my Sports Illustrated reading. About 2 weeks worth really. But yesterday I was flipping through the NBA preview and ran across probably the most brutal ass scouting report of a team ever. And of course it was the Atlanta Hawks.

Now, I usually don't give two shits about the NBA (college ball is 1,000 times better), but I do follow the Hawks into their yearly decline into playoff irrelevancy and obscurity. So of course I wanted to see how "meh" my team is gonna be this year.

They had an anonymous opposing team's scout evaluate them, and I expected something about them still being a very green team with some good upside to come once they gel and mature or whatever. What I got was this:

"This team is so bad that you can tell who's taking the first shot simply by whoever gets the ball in his hands first.... Where do we begin with Josh Smith? He'll dunk it three straight times, and then the next time down he'll want to see if he can get the three-point shot working, so he'll throw one up out of the flow, clank. Or he'll make some stupid pass into the third row. Or he'll jump in the air and throw it at someone's knees.... Al Horford has a better chance of being a successful pro than Smith or either Marvin Williams or Shelden Williams. He knows what he is, and he sticks with that.... Marvin Williams thinks he's a jump shooter, but he doesn't make jump shots, and he thinks he's a ball handler, but he's not quick enough to get by people, so he'll run into them and get called for a charge.... They don't have leadership at point guard. Speedy Claxton is in decline- he may have to change his name. Acie Law is a ball-control guy, and he defends. We'll have to see if he's capable of making plays for the rest of them... Jeez, I mean, they just flat out suck."

Well, OK, I made that last one up. But I totally expected them to end with something like that. It certainly seemed like they were headed that way.

So, join me as I follow the Hawks throughout their hunt for .500 this season, and the constant hope that I might get to see some of the A-Town Dancers on TV every once in a while.

D


Mmmmm.... Leslie....*drool*


Briana? More like "Bri-hot-na". (sorry)

Bill Gates responsible for Judgement Day

Had a brief training session on Microsoft Office 07 today. And I realized that some day soon I'll need to bring a weapon to work and ask for cover fire when I need to make copies.

"I gotta get through that to get to the bathroom? Fuck it. I'll pee my pants."

According to our trainer, Office's new document type, .docx, is built off XML. Also according to said trainer, XML will take over the world soon. At which point I raised my hand and asked if this would lead to Skynet, the rise of the machines and the downfall of man... to many (expected) bewildered looks. But it was totally worth it. I spent the next few minutes zoned out to what was going on, and imagining leading my rag-tag group of surviving coworkers down the hallway to the break room; dodging and ducking from endoskeletons and ground tanks.

Ah, good training session.

D

Insert Witty Banter Here

Well hellooooo.

Sorry for the overly long, and possibly overly dramatic, absence from the blog-o-sphere. All is well, or at least as well as it can be considering my last post. But a return to normalcy is probably the soup du jour. And you know what that means!!! That's right: intermittent and random-ass posting where I bemuse, belittle, berate, befuddle and a whole bunch of other b-words everything and everyone that I can think of or that others can think of for me.

As a public (and you all know that's pronounced "pewb-lick") service to all my loyal and disloyal readers, here are a few of the things that I rightly should have covered during my unwarranted hiatus. Feel free to imagine the gafaw-worthy insight and musings that you have become accustomed to reading from me. Or make up your own as they're probably better.

1. My Halloween costume as Brian VanGorder, and my awesome-ass mustache to go along with it. "Why VanGorder?" "Well, what's scarier to a Georgia Southern fan?"
2. Man, it's good to be on drugs again... well, Xenadrine anyways. Ran my ass off today. Seriously, I think I passed it coming back on my 3rd mile. I'm sure it'll catch back up later.
3. The clusterfuck that is the Statesboro City Council elections. How great would it have been with a credibility/stereotype joke about the guy named Bubba running?
4. Drinking in a hotel with friends from out of town, drinking a fraternity brother under the table, taking him back up to his room to pass out, and then going back down to the other room to drink more beer with the last person left whose room it was.
5. Going back to the gym after a two month lay-off. One word: owwwwwwch!
6. UNC is the preseason #1 in the polls. Georgia Southern? Probably hanging around a litle lower than that. All that matters is the final rankings though.
7. Comic books are so damned good right now. Why must I be so poor? Oh, right. I know why.
8. Giving blood again. Cleaned up on the free cookies because there wasn't hardly anyone else giving. Sweet.
9. Contemplating giving up the SBDA blog (again). But I kinda dreaded getting a comment emailed to me from Adubya comparing me to The Princess. Again.
10. Still waiting to hear from Savannah or Statesboro. At this point if I rush into a fire, I'm still just an idiot, not a firefighter.
11. The Writers Guild strike. Not really gonna hurt me until around just after Christmas or so when already taped shows run out. Then it'll be a Vader-esque "Noooooooooo!"
12. Twelve? Shit, this way way more than I thought I would have written about. Anyhoo, TV is still pretty damned good and I'm wearing the Hell outta Mr. Deaver. And for some God-only-knows why reason, I'm still watching "Moonlight".
13. $5.50 pitchers of Guinness & Stella during happy hour at K-Bob Kelly's.
14. Making a drunken, German spectacle of myself at the IHT's official wedding rehearsal dinner party as a direct result of several of number 13s. Ummm, my bad?
15. And I'm gonna cut it off here as this really has been way longer than the little "Hey, I'm pretty much back and I know you missed my faux garishness and comedic timing" post. I'll end it with "How about them Eagles!?" From 3-8 last year in the season that never happened, to 7-2 so far under the Hatch Attack. Hail Southern!, Go Eagles!, One more time!, Find a way! and all that.

Ahhhh.... that's better.

D

Statesboro Status

FYI:

For those of you wondering why there's a lack of posting from all of Statesboro, it's because we've had a death in the family.

I'm sure each of us will resume whenever we feel it's right to do so.

So that's why. Keep 2 special people in your prayers.

Thanks.

D

Balance

Ok, so I just bitched about Moonlight. But I feel compelled to counter that with some high praise for another show.

Dr. Who. It's... it's... it's awesome.

That show just seems to get better and better every single episode. Once again, I was literally on the edge of the couch for the last few minutes and the preview of next week's season finale.

Jesus Christ on a palomino, that's good TV. I just wish that the DVD sets weren't so freakin' expensive.

D

Angel Lite

Just watched Moonlight.

Seriously? I mean, really? C'mon! Try a little here.

It's just Angel, but watered down and mainstreamed for America.

You know, it's not really worth getting all fired up about even though I know that's what you guys want me to do. I have better things to do- namely going to the kitchen, making a bourbon and coke, and then watching a real show about a vampire detective in Los Angeles that I happen to have on DVD.

Really? Sheesh.

D

They even had Rudolf Martin (the guy that played Dracula on Buffy) on the show as a vampire wannabe. *sigh*

With new life often comes death

So, not long after the Future Overlord and I welcomed the newest member of the household with open arms, we lost a dear member of the family.

First, my DVR is now up and running with 2 shows already recorded- both of which I watched on airing but was just testing out the DVR. And thanks to the worldly and sage advice of Adubya, I had the DirecTV technician install a 2nd line so that I can watch 1 thing and record another or record 2 things simultaneously if I'm out. It's awesome.

But there is not all joy in Big Dumb American-ville. My vacuum cleaner died. Cancer, I believe. Well, I say that because it went out smoking.

Right in the middle of cleanup after the technician left, there was a new bad sound coming from the vacuum and then a funky smell. At first, I thought the dog farted, or maybe I did. But it was the vacuum cleaner crapping itself before passing on I suppose. And then a worse smell and finally the smoke.

"That's not good."

So I put it out to pasture out front for a bit, and I'll have to take it to the dump or try and Gcycle it or something.

Not being able to not finish a vacuuming job, I had to go and fire up Old Cranky. OC is my other vacuum cleaner, whose a bit like a semi-retired special forces operative- he only gets called out to clean up the big, nasty messes. I call him Old Cranky because he's, well, old and louder than Hell. I mean, I think they heard him several doors down. But he got the job done.

So, soon we'll probably be welcoming in another new family member in the form of a young, impressionable vacuum cleaner. I'm sure it'll make me proud.

Oh well, time to continue the mourning and healing processes by messing around with my DVR, whom I've named Deaver (name that movie).

D

TV > Posting

Sorry, but it's true. Been too busy catching all the new and returning shows to be literary-minded.

Honestly, I have been meaning to post my reviews of everything, but just haven't gotten around to it.

Sorry.

D

My new precious

Guess what new-fangled technology the Big, Dumb American will be getting shortly?

My holy grail: a DVR.

Yep, finally got around to calling DirecTV and upgrading my account to include a DVR.

Only problem is, I have to wait until the 28th for them to come and install it. And then I don't even get the weekend to play around with it, as I have to go out of town for the weekend. So a crash course in DVRing from the technician will be in order to get me through until I can get back that Sunday afternoon and geek out with it.

Great googily moogily, I can't wait.

D

Stupid budgetary constraints

Finally got in touch with Savannah's HR yesterday, only to find out that things are in a holding pattern right now.

Due to city budget issues, they aren't starting a new class in January like they were planning on. She said maybe in April though. April? Christ that's a long time to wait.

And they're not really notifying people about drug tests or anything right now either, as they have to wait until they have a class date set before they can . So we're just supposed to keep on doing what we've been doing: waiting. At least I don't have to go through the whole process again.

But today I turned in another application for Statesboro as I recently learned of an opening. The app deadline had already passed, but I emailed the new HR guy, letting him now I wanted to apply and asking him to please consider me for this opening (aren't I polite?). He said he would, but to hurry; so I filled it out last night and dropped it off this morning after talking to him for a bit.

Honestly, I'd rather get on in Savannah, but I'd feel stupid to not put in here just to be safe. But what do I do if I get offered the job in Statesboro? Do I take it when I'd rather be in Savannah? Or do I pass and take my chances waiting to hope I get an offer from Savannah several months from now? I kinda want to just take the first offer that comes and make the most of it, even if it's not exactly what I really want (or what I think I want). But if I'm going after a dream, why should I settle for something less? Or maybe I'm supposed to get on in Statesboro...

Damn it. Decisions decisions.

D

The roof, the roof, the roof is on... the ground?

They're finally getting around to reshingling my roof. 'Bout damned time, as I think I'm one of the last units to have it done.

However, this is a day that I doubt the Future Overlord has been looking forward to. Instead of his usual lazy day of sleeping, moving spots, sleeping, barking at a few people in the window, and more sleeping; now he's pretty much probably just going ape shit for the majority of the day until he gets bored with barking. Which probably takes damned near forever as he likes to bark when he gets going. But I'm not home for most of it; and as long as he doesn't tear anything up, I could care less. Bark away, buddy. Bark away.

Now if they'll just come and re-do the siding to match everybody else, it'll look like they could charge more to live here. Not that I'll pay it, but it'll look like it.

D

Gone Paneling

My one real gripe about Dragon*Con was the fact that there wasn’t enough comic book representation there. Other than the dealer’s room or maybe the Walk of Shame, what I really wanted to see were comic panels. I mean, I didn’t expect anything like you’d find at San Diego or Chicago; but I was hoping for something. Granted, they had a few comic book panels, but nothing that got me riled up or even all that interested. And a lot of the other panels they had to make up for it were a little on the lame side (“How to Train Dragons”? Really?).

But we ended up checking out 2 panels that were pretty damned good. And to be honest, they would have been much better without all the nerds. Well, without all the stupid nerd questions anyways.

"Go team Venture!"

Panel #1: Venture Bothers

Co-hosted by Doc Hammer, one of the co-creators/writers/voice actors.

Doc Hammer did a live commentary for an episode and then a Q&A afterwards. And of course some dumbass asked a question that had nothing to do with what they were supposed to be asking about. Although Doc Hammer blasting him more than made up for any lame questions (“Of all the episodes that I’ve written or helped write, you fucking ask about the one that I didn’t!”). I wanted to run right out the door and pick up seasons 1 & 2 as soon as it was over. I haven’t yet, but up in my nerduary, I do have the nifty Dr. Girlfriend poster that I snagged at the panel.

James Marsters, Juliet Landau and douchebag.

Panel #2: An Hour in the Buffyverse
James Marsters, Juliet Landau, Elizabeth Rohm and… Ken Feinberg?

Ken Feinberg? Really? This is the motherfucker who told Tiffany last year that he played Clem in several episodes while he consistently hit on her. And in actuality, he played the chaos demon for one scene in one episode (“Fool for Love’) and is married. Douchebag. He single-handedly damn near ruined what could have been an awesome panel. Chris said he was just waiting for James Marsters to go all Brodie Bruce on him with a “Where do you come up with this shit?!” James, Juliet and Elizabeth still managed to make it a really good panel despite the douchebag wearing a UGA shirt on the panel with them.

And that was it for the panels really. A lackluster report for a lackluster showing, I guess. I kinda wanted to go see the Mythbusters one, but said “fuck that noise” when I heard that the line was already crazy long, the panel had been moved to a bigger room and Jamie and Adam weren’t even there. Nothing else ever really sparked much interest for us.

Maybe next time they’ll have some better panels, and I’ll have better reviews. Maybe.

D

Liquid Courage meets Major Victory

Chris will be doing a comprehensive review of Dragon*Con, so be sure to check over at The Nerduary for that. Here, I'll just be doing a few highlights from my big weekend.
-----

I'm a talker. I have a degree in broadcasting. My job requires me to speak to damn near anybody and everybody, in large groups or on an individual basis. Very rarely am I struck speechless.

But damn if it didn't happen to me at Dragon*Con.

There we were in the "Walk of Shame" where all of the "celebrities" were selling off their autographs and allowing nerds to take pictures with them... for $20.

We made our way up and down each aisle looking at how haggard most of the former "stars" were now and continually vocalized our disdain for them to be charging to have their pictures taken with fans. Then Chris turned to me and said "Hey, let's go talk to Major Victory!"

So away we go, making our way past a hung-over David Faustino, a lonesome Corin Nemec, and just out of my striking range for Feedback. But Major Victory isn't there. He must have had to visit the little superheroes room or something. So I just hang out while Chris and Tiffany go and talk to Fat Momma . About the only other person I wanted to meet was Ted Dibiase, and he wasn't there yet. (Jamie Bamber was nice.)

Then, he arrives.

(He's a little shorter than you think...)

I thought that I'd just do the usual "Hey, it's nice to meet you. We're big fans. You were my favorite on the how. etc..."

What came out was more like: "..............hi..............*gurgling noises*.......heh........."

Chris had to do all the talking for me because for some damned reason I couldn't get anything intelligible out. A true fanboy moment for me if ever there was one.

And he was the nicest guy you could meet too. He shook all our hands (using both of his instead of some half-assed handshake), chatted us up for a while, and wasn't pushy or rude about autographs or anything. In fact he kept talking to us after we let him know that we couldn't purchase one. I bet that didn't happen at hardly any other tables that weekend.

So there it was: the first epic meeting between Liquid Courage and his favorite superhero Major Victory. I'm actually very surprised (and extremely glad it didn't happen) that I didn't actually bust out with an LC-style "Hey!" since I'd been doing that voice since I'd gotten to Atlanta.

I'll cherish that moment forever, but I should have paid for a picture...

D

He even did the "Be a winner, not a wiener" thing for us. I just smiled like a retard.

Hittin' the ricky road

Friday. I can't wait for Friday. I actually can't wait to drive 3 1/2 hours and through downtown Atlanta on a Friday. And this isn't even going to lead to me getting laid. A little spooning maybe, but no hanky panky.

I'm headed up to the capital for 2 things (listed in their order of importance):
1. To see Chris and crew
2. To go to Dragon*Con

It'll be my first foray into a wretched hive of scum and villainy that is a convention- filled to capacity with the socially retarded, B and C list stars paid to be there, hot and not so hot cosplay girls and people who generally give us geeks/nerds a bad name. And it'll all be under the careful tutelage of The Icon. I can think of no better tourguide through the sublime and the surreal. Well, I can, but I'm not really going to say that.

But enough with all the man love. This will hopefully parlay into at least one good post about the weekend, and will also lead to the culmination of another A.S.S. project. One where I can really show off all my good looks.

So if you haven't figured it out just yet, I'm stoked. It'll be my birthday, college football will be starting, there's a chance to get a James Marsters autograph, a picture with Major Victory, be pissed about Adam Baldwin canceling, and possibly the opportunity to do a hit and run on Feedback's face. What's not to be stoked about?

D

If only I could bring the super mutt with me...

Shameless or Shameful? You decide.

It's been over a week without a post, and now I come back with this? Is that shameless or shameful? Probably both. But it's content, so deal with it.

The 4th biggest birthday in anyone's life is rolling closer and closer for me even as we speak. So if anyone is wondering what The Big, Dumb American was adding to his Amazon Wish List, wonder no more.

The Official Big, Dumb American Amazonian Wish List

*Note that it's been divided into sections (on the left) for your browsing pleasure.*

I update it every now and then whenever I'm bored or think of something cool to add (kinda like here). Now scoot, you scamps. Windowshop away.

D

And away we go...

Off to my interview. Cross things for me.

D

UPDATE:
How'd it go?



That's how, thank you very much.

D

"Creepy"

That's how I was told I looked with just a mustache on Sunday.

That's pretty much how I felt too. Like I was 45 and should be making an appearance on "To Catch a Predator."

So it came off pretty quickly. Well, if you can call laughing in the mirror repeatedly and asking someone "What? You don't like it?" for 15 minutes "quick".

So no, I won't be having just a mustache again. Probably ever.

*shudder* Just got the willies thinking about that again.

D

Seasons change

Since much of my life is sectioned into “seasons” (i.e. football, basketball, Fall TV, bikini, etc), I’ve decided to add another season to the mix: moving season.

This season typically occurs during the weeks at the end of July and the beginning of August; and when weather calls for Sahara-level heat, humidity that requires a snorkel and fins, daily torrential downpours, and biblical-proportion swarms of gnats that add small amounts of protein to your daily caloric intake.

Instead of flowers blossoming or the urge to skip work and frolic at the park; usually there’s the appearance of empty or trash-filled boxes, discarded furniture, and the urge to actually go to work and avoid calls trying to enlist your help with moving.

Also arising from the constant barrage of boxes, washers and dryers, and couches that have to be moved; comes a new-found apprecitation of the Spartan lifestyle. Suddenly everything looks expendable and should be removed from your place for fear of having to move it the next time you change locations. Even the dog's stuff.

You're moving? We've got housewarming presents!

But it's moving season when you really find out who your friends are. Also, it's when you find out just how much free beer and food that they can consume after they help you move all your shit. Maybe there should be baseball-style cards for moving season that you can trade and collect with each other:

Name: Derek
Nickname: "D" or "Big, Dumb American"
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 185
Years in Moving League: "too goddamned many"
Successful Carry Average: .900
Injuries/Limitations: none
Complaint Level: 5/10 (lower if already drunk or in process)
Draws Line At: washers & driers above the first floor
Worst Error: dropping box of glasses coming down stairs in '99
Phone Number: 555-5555

Or insert more valuable data like "Easiest Pay-off", "Notable Hideouts", etc.

And of course all cards would come with pictures of the mover: carrying a box, sitting all sweaty on the couch giving the finger, the two-person dresser move, etc. But be on the look out for the ultra rare, holographic cards with someone lying prone on the ground after throwing their back out or the trip to the hospital after losing a finger. Those go for several beers on the open market.

Thankfully, moving season will be over soon and another season of "Staying Put" will cool the land. I can't wait for Staying Put season. It's the precursor to Football season.

D

"Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he didn't start to load shit into a truck."- Mitch Hedberg

“What’s the hardest about being you?” “Mustache.”

Right now I’m rocking a big ol’, red beard (much to the amusement, chagrin and annoyance of many a coworker). And I tell you what, it takes some real dedication to wear this facial sweater in 100+ degree weather.

Too bad it has to die.

The beard is all part of an uber-elaborate attempt to see what I look like with just a mustache. Right now I can grow just about any manner of facial follicle decoration that I desire, but sometime in the not too distant future (hopefully) I’ll only be allowed to have a ‘stache. As a part of a militaristic operation, firefighters are not allowed to have any facial hair below the corners of their mouth.

So that means no goatees, soul patches, or beards- all of which I have a tendency to grow when I get the occasional wild hair. I’ll have to go with the clean-shaven look and hope that I can get away with my usual 5 o’clock shadow when on duty too. I’m pretty sure that barring some probie hazing/initiation or maybe some Cheers-esque contest, I’m pretty sure I won’t be trying to pull off a lip caterpillar.

So tonight, I trim it down to a goatee for a few days. This Sunday… the ‘stache will live. And then probably die shortly thereafter.

Maybe the experience will be chronicled through the magic of picture-taking. Maybe.

D

More Bollocks

BBC America has gone and done it again. They’ve imported yet another good show for me to by into. And surprise surprise, it’s a sci-fi show: Jekyll.

First there was Hex, Dr. Who, Robin Hood, and Hyperdrive; now they’re following up with what the creators are calling a sequel to (not a reinvention of) the literary classic The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The two-hour premiere aired Saturday night, but due to prior commitments, it had to be taped and watched last night.

I went into it with a certain amount of trepidation and small sense of fear because I reminded myself that it’s really easy to fuck this simple premise up, but I had to give it a shot. I mean, who doesn’t love the basic and effective device of duality or good vs evil all within the same person? I submit for your consideration these items: The Incredible Hulk, werewolves, David Hasselhoff, and the McRib. I rest my case.

2 hours later and I was cursing BBC America for making me add another show to the rotation. Well, really it’s the same number, as Jekyll is just replacing Hex now that it’s all over. But still, I have to commit this one to memory so that I remember to autotune it every week so that the ol’ VCR can tape it (I have started looking into DVR again, by the way).

Ok, so it was fairly easy for them to get me, but to their credit they may have also gotten someone not as into that genre as I am. We’ll just have to see how long that sticks.

And if you’re wondering how they presented Hyde, let me just tell you that it’s way cooler than any version I’ve seen before. Gone is the hulking brute who can bound effortlessly or rip buildings apart. Now there’s a Hyde who’s not all that different from his counterpart in appearance, but has many more abilities and gifts than a normal man. And he’s a pure, grade-A badass. Let’s just say that when you kill the King of the Jungle, chuck him at some bad guys, and then start singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”; you’re not fucking around. Well, maybe a little with the singing, but that’s just some campy flair right there.

So if you’re intrigued; cue up the TiVo search, hit the torrent sites, or just keep an eye out for a re-run on BBCA. It ought to be worth it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to ponder my next rant on BBC America as they’re also about to start airing the Dr. Who spinoff, Torchwood, in a few weeks.

A-wimoweh, A-wimoweh, A-wimoweh...

D

The heat is on

Fucking-A it has been hot lately.

There's been a heat advisory for the past day or so, extending into today and tomorrow. I think they're saying that the heat index is somewhere around 115. That's felt about right.

I was thinking that there's something wrong with the AC in my car (which there probably is) because it just wasn't cooling me down like it should, but it could be that it's just so regoddamneddiculously hot that it has to be on full blast for a while to start working. And what with Statesboro not being the biggest city, it's only by the time you get where you're going that it finally starts to cool down.

Driving around yesterday, the thermometer said 101- steadily moving its way up to "heat stroke"; and I was beginning to hallucinate on my way to see "The Simpsons Movie" (which rocked by the way). That could have also been because I was getting hungry too, but still, it was "God is trying to burn us all" hot outside.

I almost said screw it and went and bought a couple of more tickets to see "The Bourne Ultimatum" just so I could stay inside in the AC. Which reminds me, we bought tickets for the 3:15pm Simpsons, but the theater's AC wasn't working, so we asked if we could just switch to another showing. For the life of me, I can't understand why they continued to sell tickets to that theater when the AC wasn't working. They had to know taht people were going to freak out and ask to be switched or for their money back. I don't get it.

So for all of you who are miserable in your low 90 summer weather, quit your bitching. It could be worse. I'll just try to keep that in mind when It's 32 here and, like -32 somewhere else.

D

It’s in the jeans

It’s amazing how much morale is improved by the simple addition of denim into the work equation. Therefore, I think all employers should make Jeans Day a weekly thing.

I know that it would probably lose its novelty quickly, but it would still be more effective than the standard “Casual Friday” or shit like that. I mean, I can only get away with spicing up the office environment with a Hawaiian shirt so many times before it just gets old… or I get in trouble.

I know that I always feel better about my job when I get to come in and be more comfortable doing whatever it is I’m up to that day. And that comfort is a big X-factor: as the comfort level rises, the effectiveness margin increases, while the grouchiness quotient is minimalized; thus making me more productive and less likely to snap postal-style.

And that’s just one person. Multiply that by a couple of hundred people, and it’s starting to look like an actual, good idea. Well, at least to me anyways.

So, it’s either that, or we get to start drinking at work. And I’m pretty much good with either one.

D

How D got his groove back

Or back in the groove, really.

Sorry for the severe lack of posting. Again. Well, again again. I've just been into a routine like you wouldn't imagine. And you don't really have to imagine it, 'cause I can describe it to you:

-work
-gym
-TV
-sleep
-rinse and repeat

The weekends have been great, but pretty uneventful, for which I'm actually pretty grateful. That allows me to focus on the things that I need to and want to. But throwing the occasional wedding celebration in there with free booze and a bartender who "twists your arm" to do shots with him, doesn't hurt much either.

But, like I said: I'm back in my routine, and I'm really enjoying it. After being slack-assed for a couple of weeks, I needed something to kinda jar me back into things. How about an interview for your dream job, will that do? Why yes, that'll do marvelously thank you.

So now I'm focused on my next immediate goal that goes down in 3 weeks, and prepping for it. Now if I go a few days without posting (again again again, or something), you'll know why. Either nothing interesting is happening anywhere within my vicinity (or where I can Google it), or I just haven't gotten around to it. But eventually I will. Hopefully.

Hugs and kisses,

D

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"
"Opportunity."
"Opportunity who?"
"I said Opportunity, bitch! Now open up the goddamned door!"
---

Opportunity knocked (well, called really) today. Sort of.

I got my interview. Unfortunately though, it's not for another month. But at least I have that to look forward to instead of just sitting around and waiting. And waiting. Aaaannnnnd waiting.

Yeah. So that happened.

D

Rapid Fire

While also the name of a kick-ass Brandon Lee movie, it's how I plan to update the Interweb on my various goings ons and rants and what have yous.

- A new Flash Gordon show? Well, Sci-Fi has a rather impressive collection of shows now, so yeah, I'll give it a shot.

- Staying with Sci-Fi: Kick ass! Battlestar Galactica returns in November, and looks just as good as the previous 3 seasons.

- Harry Potter good. Voldemort bad. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was great. I have only read the first book, so I've thoroughly enjoyed the movies without literary bias. This one easily became my favorite so far.

- A new werewolf movie? Skinwalkers is probably gonna suck lycan balls, what with it being PG-13 and studio crap and all, but I'll probably want to see it anyways. I'm really waiting on the high concept idea of Full Moon Fever.

- I hate moving. I hate moving other people even more. But that's what friends do. But good friends who enlist the aid of other friends to move all their shit for them know to supply said friends with free alcohol and food. Liz was polite enough to have a keg of Miller Lite and several pounds of spicy chicken nuggets waiting for me on Friday. And Saturday. That is why Liz will remain as "good people" and I'll help her move again. Probably.

- Sometimes it just feels good to throw a bunch of shit away, you know? Spent the better part of a day this weekend going through some of the stored crap I have, and decided that I had to hand out a few pink slips. It's both therapeutic and traumatic for me at the same time as two sides of me are at war when I do that: the pack rat and the OCD freak who hates clutter.

- I must borrow Liz's shop vac. It cleans so damned well!

- Bought some new toys for the Future Overlord. Saw that he really didn't have anything but his balls to play with (hee hee), and by that I mean the tennis, volley, soccer and foot variety. So now he has a squeaky cat, squeaky alien, and a fire hose toy... with a squeaky in it. Man, I'm an idiot.

- A talking, fighting, armored-up polar bear? Fuck. Wait for it.... YEAH! I want one.

- Quicken was like crack for me over the weekend as soon as I got it. Couldn't stop playing with it. I may have actually gone a little blind because of it. Although the hairy palm was totally just dog fur.

- The Marvel U rejects return. Bigger and dumber than the first time too. There's no Major Victory, but Mr. Mitzvah is my front runner for a favorite, not Hygena like you'd all expect. I could say I'm not gonna watch, but I'd be lying and you'd all call me on it.

- God of Making My Thumbs Hurt is more like it. God Of War 2 kicks so much harpy ass, I can hardly believe it. And yet there I have been, just ripping their wings off and eviscerating damned near everything on the screen. If you played and liked the first one, the
second will not disappoint. The cinematic cut scenes are almost worth the price alone (plus a voice cameo by Michael Clarke Duncan), especially when you borrowed it and didn't pay for it.


Wow. That's more happy horseshit than I thought there'd be. So I'll nip it in the extended bud for now and try to resume some sort of regular posting when I can.

D

Just go ahead and crown me

I’m the King of Over-reacting.

I rule over all of Jackassery, the province of Damnit, the northern territories of Whatthefuck, the shires of Awshit, and I even have a time-share in the south of D’oh.

So my outrage towards Walkallovaya has died down a bit. After hours of research I found something that helped to narrow the gap between their purported balance and my own. It narrowed it, but still left enough of one so that I can’t just waive it off despite my own self-inflicted shame.

I’m also still awaiting their response to my email, and I’ll give it a while to see if the numbers work themselves out; but I’m still not happy that I’ve had problems with them for 2 months in a row. Yes, I can make a mistake every once in a while; but I can always rectify it pretty quickly after digging through receipts and whatnot. I just don’t understand how they can keep making my simple math look like it’s been done by a lobotomized Yorkie.

Since this isn’t entirely all my fault, I guess this is really more of a "...D’oh?"

D

Walkallovaya

Wachovia's fucking me. I just know it.

There's no damned way that my basic addition and subtraction can be that fucking bad. Especially with the use of a goddamned calculator!

Last month I got hosed for $30. I emailed them with a request to look into it, as both my checkbook and my anal-retentive Excel spreadsheet said I should have a higher balance than what was on their website. Apparently not, according to them. So I bent over, took it in the ass, and went with their fucked-up balance.

Now, not even half-way through the month, there's a fucking $60 motherfucking discrepancy AGAIN! This is bullshit!

I passed all my math classes. I know how to balance a checkbook. I've had no problems with it for a long time, and now I'm all of a sudden incapable of balancing it? I highly doubt it.

I'm gonna wait and see what their response email says, and then I'm going to call if I don't like what they have to say. If they fuck up again, I'm changing banks.

Goddamned Walkallovaya.

D

TV= good again

Man, I thought this day would never come again. Actual, good TV is back on the air.

With the return of Dr. Who, Eureka, Hex, and Jericho; I finally have a reason to set the ol' VCR to stun, er, record. And also enlist the aid of Kelley's Tivo.








And here I was thinking I was gonna have to be all creative and shit with my free time. Ha! Not bloody likely!

D

Home Improvement?

So finally after months of bitching about the molding on my front door, I got some maintenance guys to come over and take a gander at it. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy patch job or anything, but I didn't think it would be quite as extensive a project as it turned out to be.

Guys had to take my friggin' door off, along with the frame and molding. And then they installed a new door, which is not the same color white as the rest of the outside or inside, re-framed the whole damned thing and pointed out what an ass the last guy to do that was and showed me how bad he screwed it up. I felt like I was on Jake's favorite show "Holmes on Homes".

So now I had a nicely sealed front door that still looks like shit when you look at it the right way on the inside. And that chunked-off molding is gone on the outside (I no longer really have any decorative molding out there). But there still was a slight problem with the back door.

Turns out (and I have no idea how I never noticed this before) that there were 2 little spaces on either bottom corner that you could see clear through to the outside with. So I guess that's where all those ants kept coming from and where a good deal of my air was going.

And rather than go through the trouble of asking that poor guy who busted his ass on the upper-90's for and hour and a half to fix that, I asked him for a simple solution. 1/4" weather stripping ought to do it he suggested.

So I went to Lowe's after work and got some. Heh. Anyways, I paid like $8 bucks for a whole roll of weather stripping, and only used like 3 inches of it. And I by no means did a professionaljob of it, but I think I did about as good a job as a Comm Arts kid could have done. So if it ends up helping me save money on the electric bill (along with the ton of energy efficient bulbs I bought), then I'm happy with it.

I'm just glad nothing caught fire when I was trying to do it myself.

D

iLike iChat

UPDATE:
Use the "Big, Dumb Email" to send me your AOL ID if you want to chat, with the possibility of coming pseudo face to face with me as well.

Last night, yours truly was astounded yet again at the marvels of technology that reside within his magical techno box that helps him connect to the internets.

I discovered the time and space displacer known to people as "iChat". But I have come to know it as "The Magic Window".

So far I know it works with one person who has a MacBook, webcam and an AIM account. Now I just have to try it out with other people. Anybody got a webcam and AIM account? Lemme know.

If this takes off, I may never talk to anyone face to face again.

D

My new love

I have a new favorite domestic beer:



It's certainly no Guinness, but it's damned good. And being a non-import, it's cheaper on the ol' wallet. Which makes my bank account cry a little less. And my liver cry a little more.

I raise my bottle to all my interweb friends.

Cheers.

D

What!?!?

WWE wrestler Chris Benoit and family found dead
BY ALFONSO A. CASTILLO
alfonso.castillo@newsday.com

June 26, 2007, 1:02 PM EDT

Pro wrestler Chris Benoit strangled his wife and smothered his son before hanging himself in his weight room, a law enforcement official close to the investigation told The Associated Press Tuesday.

The official spoke on the condition of anonymity.

Authorities also said they are investigating whether steroids may have been a factor in the deaths of Benoit, his wife and their 7-year-old son who were found dead in an apparent murder-suicide.

Fayette County District Attorney Scott Ballard said test results may not be back for weeks or even months.

Autopsies were scheduled Tuesday by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation in DeKalb County.

Benoit, 40, was discovered dead in his home in suburban Atlanta by Fayetville police yesterday – a day after he no-showed two scheduled matches in Texas over the weekend, including at World Wrestling Entertainment's Vengeance pay per view event in Houston Sunday night. He cited a family emergency as the reason for skipping the shows.

After friends in WWE received several "curious text messages" from Benoit, and WWE officials were unable to reach him, the sheriff's department in Peachtree City, GA went to Benoit's home to check on his family about 2:30 p.m.

After maneuvering through two German shepherds that guarded the home, police found Benoit, his wife and child dead in three separate rooms in the home, according to WAGA-TV. The Wrestling Observer newsletter reported that Fayette County police are operating under the theory that Benoit killed his wife on Saturday, son Daniel on Sunday, and then killed himself yesterday.

ABC News reported that authorities had found "the instruments of death" at Benoit's home – a mansion surrounded by stone walls with a gravel road leading to double iron gates.

MSNBC has reported that a police press conference disclosing preliminary autopsy results is expected to take place this afternoon.

Fayette County District Attorney Scott Ballard told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the details of the incident may "prove a little bizarre" when they come out.

WWE.com reported that, "The three bodies have been received by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation's crime lab, in Decatur, Ga., where autopsies will be performed Tuesday morning. Toxicology reports will not become available for at least two weeks."

WWE scrapped their schedule live, sold-out Monday Night RAW program in Corpus Cristy last night and sent fans home. In the show's place, WWE chairman Vince McMahon and the WWE announce team introduced a three-hour career retrospective that included several highlight's from Benoit's 22-year career, as well as emotional testimonials from fellow pro wrestlers.

McMahon reportedly broke the news around 4:30 p.m. yesterday to a locker room overcome with shock and grief. As news of authorities' suspicion that Benoit killed his wife and son came out, WWE scaled back their tribute to the former world champion on the WWE web site. The company is scheduled to hold its regular television tapings tonight.

Benoit, an Edmonton, Canada native, trained in Calgary and made his pro debut in 1985. He plied his trade in Japan for years before become a fixture on the American wrestling circuit in the mid-1990s. He joined WWE in 1999 and won the company's world heavyweight championship at Madison Square Garden at WrestleMania XX in 2004. He was widely expected to win the Extreme Championship Wrestling world title at Sunday's pay per view event.

Benoit became romantically involved with the then Nancy Sullivan, who worked as a pro wresting valet under the name "Woman," in the mid-1990's while she was married to another wrestler, Kevin Sullivan. The Pro Wrestling Torch newsletter said the marriage was known among wrestling circles to be volatile.

Benoit had two children from another relationship that were not in the home during the deaths.

The Associated Press contributed to this story.
Copyright 2007 Newsday Inc.
----

I can’t help but think that somewhere, Eddie Guerrero is crying. And now they’ll never get to wrestle that one last, great match in Heaven.

D

Finally! Middleground has come back to... Statesboro.

Who better to to introduce a post about a grand old rock show than The Rock himself? Well, I'm sure there were far more suitable candidates that stride the halls of the Music Hall of Fame or even the aisles of your local Sam Goody. But I came up with The Rock. Deal with it.

As much as I'd like to relay the wonders of a Middleground & Elohsa show to those of you who've never seen 'em before... it's really not gonna happen. Mostly because I always get way too drunk at every one of 'em, and that tends to wreck the ol' recall. I usually just have to go with "Man, I don't remember a whole hell of a lot from the show. But I bet it was awesome."

So just take my word for it: bad-assedness was a plenty. And the kick-assery quotient of the 2, count 'em 2, sets Middleground played knew no bounds. For those of you who need visual proof and can't just take my word for it (what? my word not good enough for you? dick.), see the following taint-rocking pictures courtesy of the fine Administration at the IHT:






See? What'd I tell you? Fanfuckingtastic. See that girl there in the black? She's having an eargasm because the show was so damned good.

Wow. That just about did it. I got nothing to follow up after the whole "eargasm" bit. So um, if I've taught anybody anything, I hope that it's: Middleground=awesome. And eargasm=post ender.

D

I just couldn't find a way to work in the Honky Tonk Man like I did The Rock...

K9 to 5

Damnit! Totally didn't even know about this:

I feel cheated and a little dead inside knowing that somewhere, some asshole is getting to bring in his asshole dog to his asshole job and parade themselves around like the assholes they are to all of his asshole co-workers and their asshole dogs. And Brody's just sitting at home waiting for me to come home and play with him.

That sucks. That sucks hard.

D

You know what I hate?

I hate that when I have to “take a meeting” at work and there’s hardly anyone else on campus, and every bathroom still smells like someone’s gone and committed a crime against nature in there. Every, single, damned one.

So there I am, having to drop it like it’s hot, and I have to bounce from bathroom to bathroom all over freakin’ campus in order to find one that’s clean and quiet so I can go ahead and drown a water buffalo.

Gorram people. That’s why I prefer to do my best work at home.

D

Get your motor running…

Head out on the sidewalk!

Heh. The disabilities coordinator just got in a new scooter/wheel chair/object of my slacking desire:

She’s a beaut, Clark.

And she’ll haul some serious handicapped ass too. I had it cranked all the way to 11- displayed on the dash as a rabbit. I guess rabbits are like the 11 of the animal kingdom. That would put the cheetah at about a 37 or something I guess.

Anyhoo, as a service to her students, the disabilities coordinator needs to make sure that the battery won’t conk out on someone driving it on campus. So she has to have the battery worn down to dead before it can be re-charged. But it’s taking a while to wear that sucker down. A cause I have taken upon myself to champion. Granted, that’s not exactly the 13th labor of Hercules; but seriously, it can actually get kinda boring driving around a deserted campus after a while. I didn’t think it could, but frak me running (or riding) if it doesn’t.

So I’m gonna chip away at it. Every day I’ll take it out for a spin until I get bored, get in trouble or wear the damned thing out. Whichever comes first. Eventually, it’ll be spent; and I’m sure that I will be too. Tired of riding that thing with no one new to honk at or impress with my Andretti-esque scootering skills.

Man, you know it's bad when even the fun things at work start to get tedious and be a bit of a pain in the ass. Oh well, it's a living.

D

There goes my beer-o... watch it as it goes

*Sigh* First $100 power bill of the season. And it'll only go up just about every freakin' month for summer after this.

I've tried every damned thing I could think of to reduce the amount of power used, all to no avail. New weather stripping won't help because of a huge chunk of molding missing from the front door (need to yell at them again to come and fix that). And keeping the air up high during the day when I'm gone doesn't work and isn't fair to the dog.

So basically I'm hosed. I'll just have to cut way back on all the fun stuff. Or at least prioritize better.

*sigh* Goddamnit. Time to start re-thinking the whole roommate thing again...

D

Tales of Dickery: Wedding Crashers, SBDA Style (alcohol-free edition)

To reward you all for your patience while I've had a severe lack of both time and creativity, I present to you another issue of everyone's favorite: Tales (tales tales)... of (of of)... Dickery (ickery ickery)!!

And be sure to search "Dickery" within the blog to brush up on all that dickery goodness.

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I’ve mentioned Zeke, Lando and weddings before in previous Tales of Dickery; but this time we get an extra special treat and I combine all 3 for you.

Wedding Crashers: SBDA Style
Lando was getting married and was gracious enough to invite those of us in the office that he felt would actually come if he extended the invitation. That list included myself, Zeke, some coworkers, our boss, and our boss’ boss.

Zeke had already left the confines of the Deathstar to start work doing something a little less soul erasing in another town. So he made plans to drive up that day for the wedding and we’d just go together, since his wife couldn’t go and I didn’t even bother to try and find a date to this little shindig.

So we arrive a little early and go ahead and sign in. We’ve been in the church for all of 2 and a half minutes when Zeke starts with the shenanigans. He signs in on the guest register as “Zeke …., Esquire.” And then proceeds to sign me in a faux fashion as well.

After a groan from me, we pick up the program, and have a seat in the middle-to-back section. We’re there for about 3 minutes before Zeke lets out the first obscenity in church and proclaims “Fuck. I need a cigarette.”

We head outside, Zeke has a smoke, I have some tainted oxygen, we greet some other coworkers (and former coworkers), and then shoot the shit for a minute. We finally decide to head in and take our seats for the upcoming spectacle, but inadvertently cause one of those great situations where you come in a little late and everyone stops what they’re doing to turn and look at you as you enter. We smile some lighthearted and half-embarrased smiles, take our seats, and about a minute goes before the magical mystery tour begins.

Skip ahead a few 10 minutes or so and now the priest is well into his sermon about the joining of man and forehead, trust, cherishing and all that jazz when he gets to the pivotal portion. He’s going on and mentions something about this “inviting love” shared between Lando and the soon-to-be, Mrs. Lando Calrissian.

It’s at this point that Zeke turns to me and says... “Did he just say ‘in Viking love’?”

Now that's what I'm talking about!

How loud is a stifled laugh that mostly comes through your nose in a quiet, crowded church? Pretty fucking loud. Loud enough for just about everyone to turn and look at you in the middle of someone’s biggest day.

I wish I could say that it ended with that. But it didn’t because Zeke wouldn’t let it. I had him next to me acting out little scenes of Vikings in love and asking numerous ill begotten questions about said Vikings and their love lives. And I kept laughing. And if you’ve ever tried really hard not to laugh at something, then you know just how much funnier it gets and how hard it is to hold it in.

So I grabbed a pencil from the holder in front of me and I jabbed it into my hand. At that point, the stifled laughs were replaced by a muffled cry of pain. And I kept grinding the pencil into my hand so that I wouldn’t laugh. It kinda worked. There became a mixture of laughing at viking-love humor and wimpering as I introduced lead into my bloodstream forcefully. And a few tears, but I'm not sure if those were from the jokes or the pencil.

So there’s Zeke and I laughing and trying not to laugh; with Lando’s family, friends, co-workers, boss, boss’ boss all getting irritated with us and giving us the evil eye. Which of course made it even funnier.

Finally, Lando and Forehead say okey dokey, and Zeke and I haul ass out of the church into the parking lot to let out all the stifled laughter that had been welling up in us throughout the ceremony. After those good times, I thought it was gonna be relatively downhill from there.

But then the reception happened.

Now despite that awesome bit of segueing, I won’t realy go into the reception portion of it as I’m still furious that there was no booze whatsoever and I’m still trying to block the memory of a sober reception. If he'd like, I’ll let Zeke tell that as a special addendum (hint hint). I went on a tear about there being no booze and only some God-awful sparkling cider, and he got to go on a tirade about Australians all living on a penal colony (heh heh) and call a former boss’ husband (we’ll call him Nigel), a "fucking convict".
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I know, I know. That one kinda ended abruptly and without the huge payoff you were hoping for, kinda like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. But I ran outta steam. Sorry.

And so ends another Tale of Dickery. This time I actually got to go to someone’s wedding, and then I went and tarnished the shit out of it. Figures. Maybe that’s why I don’t get invited to more of them.

D

It's "traditional" not "plain"

Anybody seen this?

Sports Illustrated's "College Football's Best Uniforms"

And check out who's in the #8 slot:

#85 Teddy Craft- just about the best representative Eagle you could ask for.

I really don't see how fucking Wofford could be ahead of us. Doesn't 6 National Championships warrant a trading of the spots? I think it does.



D

I wouldn't even have to say it anymore

I must have this shirt.

Found it over at ThinkGeek.com via Jake.

That's so frakkin' me.

D

Nuts to you, CBS!

This was supposed to be posted late last week, but stuff came up and I never got around to it. So consider it a retroactive treat.

Looks like the fans of CBS’ “Jericho” accomplished what fans of “Firefly” and other ill-fated and prematurely cancelled shows couldn’t do: they won back their show.

Well, only 7 episodes that will be aired mid-season next year; but still that’s 7 more episodes to help either wrap the series up after the 1st season cliff-hanger ending or try and parlay that into a full second season if the audience and viewership grows significantly.

And how’d all those Jericholics help get their point across to The Eye? They took up donations to send over 20 tons (that’s about 8 million) peanuts to both the Los Angeles and New York branch offices for CBS. Below is the letter that CBS Entertainment President Nina Tassler posted on the show’s official message board. Take notice of the very last line.

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"Wow! Over the past few weeks you have put forth an impressive and probably unprecedented display of passion in support of a prime time television series. You got our attention; your emails and collective voice have been heard.

As a result, CBS has ordered seven episodes of "Jericho" for mid-season next year. In success, there is the potential for more. But, for there to be more "Jericho," we will need more viewers.

A loyal and passionate community has clearly formed around the show. But that community needs to grow. It needs to grow on the CBS Television Network, as well as on the many digital platforms where we make the show available.

We will count on you to rally around the show, to recruit new viewers with the same grass-roots energy, intensity and volume you have displayed in recent weeks.

At this time, I cannot tell you the specific date or time period that "Jericho" will return to our schedule. However, in the interim, we are working on several initiatives to help introduce the show to new audiences. This includes re-broadcasting "Jericho" on CBS this summer, streaming episodes and clips from these episodes across the CBS Audience Network (online), releasing the first season DVD on September 25 and continuing the story of Jericho in the digital world until the new episodes return. We will let you know specifics when we have them so you can pass them on.

On behalf of everyone at CBS, thank you for expressing your support of "Jericho" in such an extraordinary manner. Your protest was creative, sustained and very thoughtful and respectful in tone. You made a difference. P.S. Please stop sending us nuts."
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“Please stop sending us nuts.” Ha! Classic.

Well, even if it is only for a mere 7 episodes, it’s enough to finish what they started and maybe they can steamroll it into an awesome ending like they were able to do with “Angel.” Alright, maybe not that awesome an ending, but gimme something. Hell, I’d be happy with just seeing Robert use that damned tank somehow.

D

Yata!

I passed both of 'em!!

Thanks for all your words of encouragement. I never once heard anyone (even off the Interweb) who said anything discouraging. And I'd like to think that you all helped me out a little bit while I was there too.

I tried gathering all the good karma that I'd been trying to amass, kinda like a DBZ spirit bomb, just trying to get as much good luck/karma/help/insurance as I could on my side.

And it paid off.

So again, thanks. But I still have a long road to go before I even get a spot in the next class and then hopefully on after that. But for now, I'm satisfied with my performance. Not happy, but satisfied.

D

Wish me luck

I'm headed out to take my tests.

D

Out of left field

I once told someone that half the Internet was for fabricating and squashing rumors and the other half is porn. Well apparently there’s the tiniest smidgen of space that’s reserved for stumbling upon old, school chums. And I don’t mean MySpace.

How odd is it that someone I went to 6th grade with finds me again after about 15 years through SBDA of all ways? Pretty damned if you’re in my shoes. But then again, when you think about it, it’s actually rather apropos. I mean, that’s what the show is all about now isn’t it? Shaking things up for the BDA and watching how he reacts? Look at how the ratings soared when they brought The Icon back for that season in the office (the season of “The Disgruntled Duo”), or any of the Tales of Dickery that have been visited upon me.

So anyways, now we’re playing catch up; and I’m getting the biggest kick out of hearing him tell me about his Uncanny X-Men and Ninja Gaiden-induced flashbacks that led to him Googling me (after all these years and countless jokes, that still sounds dirty). And weirder than his flashbacks, are my own recent honest-to-God flashbacks and wonderings of what he was up to. Nearly every time I thought of The Joker, I thought of Luke. Hey, I did say it was weird.

Who knew that there could actually be some productive aspects of the Interweb that doesn’t require the giving of your credit card number or submitting A/S/L? Not me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to fabricating rumors about people, squashing the ones about me, and looking for more porn.

D