I'm a little bit behind on my Sports Illustrated reading. About 2 weeks worth really. But yesterday I was flipping through the NBA preview and ran across probably the most brutal ass scouting report of a team ever. And of course it was the Atlanta Hawks.
Now, I usually don't give two shits about the NBA (college ball is 1,000 times better), but I do follow the Hawks into their yearly decline into playoff irrelevancy and obscurity. So of course I wanted to see how "meh" my team is gonna be this year.
They had an anonymous opposing team's scout evaluate them, and I expected something about them still being a very green team with some good upside to come once they gel and mature or whatever. What I got was this:
"This team is so bad that you can tell who's taking the first shot simply by whoever gets the ball in his hands first.... Where do we begin with Josh Smith? He'll dunk it three straight times, and then the next time down he'll want to see if he can get the three-point shot working, so he'll throw one up out of the flow, clank. Or he'll make some stupid pass into the third row. Or he'll jump in the air and throw it at someone's knees.... Al Horford has a better chance of being a successful pro than Smith or either Marvin Williams or Shelden Williams. He knows what he is, and he sticks with that.... Marvin Williams thinks he's a jump shooter, but he doesn't make jump shots, and he thinks he's a ball handler, but he's not quick enough to get by people, so he'll run into them and get called for a charge.... They don't have leadership at point guard. Speedy Claxton is in decline- he may have to change his name. Acie Law is a ball-control guy, and he defends. We'll have to see if he's capable of making plays for the rest of them... Jeez, I mean, they just flat out suck."
Well, OK, I made that last one up. But I totally expected them to end with something like that. It certainly seemed like they were headed that way.
So, join me as I follow the Hawks throughout their hunt for .500 this season, and the constant hope that I might get to see some of the A-Town Dancers on TV every once in a while.
D
Mmmmm.... Leslie....*drool*
Briana? More like "Bri-hot-na". (sorry)
1 comment:
Where's the scouting report on Briana's boobies? Real or fake? I'm guessing real...real big. Just kidding, those knockers are definitely implants. I'd like to implant my face in between them.
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