Hall-o-weeeeeeeeee-n!

Or something like that.

Man, Halloween reminds me every year why it's probably my favorite "holiday". The fun, the parties, the random crap that happens, the pointing and laughing at me after the weekend is over. Kind of like the usual weekends, but with more candy and people dressing up.

Like me. And, boy did I out do myself this year. I went through several ideas for costumes until Liz and I came up with the perfect one. I mean, Halloween is about letting your creative side out, right? Right?

So for those of you who weren't there to witness me degrade myself in person, or haven't heard yet; I went as a cheerleader. Probably the biggest and ugliest cheerleader in the history of cheerleading, excluding the ones in Athens. I can't top those.






Not so much this...












A little more like this.
(This pic is for effect. I'm not in there.)





So there I was freezing my pom poms off in a cheerleading outfit on a cold, nay a freakin' freezing, October night. Drunk as piss too (go figure). I figured that as long as I was dressed like a cheerleader, I might as well get drunk like one too. Hard and fast. So I hit the hunch-punch. Repeatedly. And often. So by a couple of hours into the party I was blitzed more than a crappy quarterback with a weak O-line.

I'm sure there will be pictures surfacing on the Internet soon from our beloved Scott (you sorry bastard), but I would prefer them not to. Please? Pretty please? I'll do a cheer or something for you.

Any-hoo, try to get back to doing something productive now that I may have mentally scarred you for life. You're welcome.

D

Kind of like I just took my first sip of a cold beer on a warm, sunny beach.

I feel good.

Man, it's been a while since I've actually said that. Well, sober anyways. But I really do feel good. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually too. You know what I mean?

I feel kind of revitalized. Just really happy and pretty comfortable with myself. I'm in a good spot in life right now. Good, new job. Lots of good friends. Money is coming in (just got my check). The dog and I are healthy. I met a girl.

Wait a sec. Yep. That's what I thought. It's that last one that I think put me over the top and made me really start to feel good. I knew I did before, but I think it was me feeling so good that helped out. Made me a lot more confident. I still have the whole "unhealthy body image thing", but I feel a lot more confident in myself now.

I guess that when I feel really good, I put off better vibes and that helps with the ladies. Not to toot my own horn here, but I think I may have more girls interested in me right now at once than I ever have before. And I think it's due to the whole "feeling good" thing. So I highly reccomend it to anyone. You feel good, then the girls/boys come a runnin'.

So I'm gonna keep trying to feel as good as possible and see how everything with said girl works out. And I'll try to refrain from talking about her, just in case things blow up in my face. 'Cause I think I can honestly say that she is easily one of the hottest girls I have ever met before. I mean it. I live in Statesboro for Christ's sake. But that's the problem, she doesn't. She lives like 5 hours away. I didn't wanna do the long distance thing again, but I'm gonna give it another shot for her. If it actually gets that far. So, let me back up and not put the cart before the horse. I'm just going to take it slow and not try to blow it if she is interested in me.

So, I'm gonna go home in a few and then go for a run on this beautiful day. Maybe that'll help me feel even better and help me out even more. You guys feel better too.

Later.

D

To be The Man, you gotta beat The Man!

While that IS the case in wrestling, it's not even close to being the case in college football. Well, I-A football really (I-AA has a clue and playoffs).

Apparently you don't even have to beat the best team in the nation to be considered "the best team in the nation."

The old rule of thumb actually used to be that the defending national champion was the #1 team in the country until they lost. Last I looked, USC hasn't lost in 29 games, that's about 2 and 1/2 years. So, if the Trojans haven't lost, then how can they not be the #1 team in the country? Because of the fucking (yeah, I said it) BCS.

Time and time again, the BCS has showed that it is a flawed system. Now, not every system is perfect; but come on! A computerized system that evaluates everything up to, and quite possibly the players' weight at birth; and we can't get it to work? Every year they claim there will be adjustments made. And there are. And every year there's something that goes wrong. Maybe it's an underdog or non-BCS school that comes in and runs the table. Or just too many undefeated teams that should be playing each other for the National Championship but aren't.

Either way, there's only one way to get a true National Champion: playoffs.

But that will never happen in I-A football. You know why? Money. And freakin' huge amounts of it. There's just too much to be made by the bowl games, schools, sponsors and on and on. So, due to greediness; you'll never see a true national champion in I-A. Hell, sometimes you don't even see the undefeated, defending National Champion as the #1 team in the country.

But that'll probably change by next week. And I'll have to wait and bitch about the BCS for another few weeks until something else happens.

D

How I spent my weekend or: I think I drank a third of the county dry by myself.

Ok. So I didn't completely fulfill my goal of "not remembering 48 hours of my life". It was really more like 16 or so. But I'm told I had a damned good time. And that's all that matters, isn't it?

I'm just happy that I remember how damned good Middleground sounded Saturday night. And that I have the funny memory of waking up at 5:45am Sunday morning half in and half out of the bathroom. And the dog just sitting there looking at me like I'm a freakin' retard. Again. And a win at Homecoming is always good too, even if you really don't remember it. Oh! And I remember meeting some girls in the parking lot of my complex and them asking me if I wanted to make out. Like any red-blooded, drunker than piss American; I said "Sure." But it never happened. Drunk girls are really easy to distract. Stupid dogs.

So all in all a very good weekend. Lots of beer, good friends back in town, drunk chicks, waking up in a funny place and lots more beer. Ah, another successful Homecoming.

D

Beer On!!!!

It's 2:00pm and I'm outta here. Time to get my drink on. It's 5:00 somewhere my ass. It's always "beer:30" for me.

Later.

D

Homecoming? I never left!

Ah, Homecoming. One of the most special weekends, or week actually, in all of college football season. The only weekend that compares to it in sheer school pride and drunkedness is the weekend you play your rival school. *cough* Furman swallows! *cough* Sorry, little something stuck there. Anyways, Homecoming is a joyous occasion where students show their love for their alma mater, see graduated friends from out of town, get piss drunk and verbally abuse the cream puff team that should have been scheduled for the Homecoming Sacrifice. However, it sucks huge donkey balls if your AD schedules a team that could possibly come in and steal a win and totally kill your buzz. But back to the fun and jubilation. Homecoming is about pride, pure and simple. Students and alumni show pride in their school. The football team shows pride for the school it plays for. And after a win, both sides show pride in the fact that they just drained the whole county bone dry of it's entire alcohol supply. Or two counties if you lose. Either way there's a lot of pride flowing through the streets.

So you may have guessed that it is indeed Homecoming here in the 'Boro. And you may have noticed I used a kind of theme if you will in my post. So you may get an idea that I will be showing my school pride in every slurred cheer I can muster, blatant disregard for my personal safety and that I will not remember a good 48 hours of my life after this weekend. So if you see me; be sure to raise a beer in salute to the Eagles of Georgia Southern University, keep me out of oncoming traffic, keep me away from any girls I do not need to be talking to (I'm serious. I wouldn't do that to you. Again anyways.), and check on me every now and then if/when I pass out. So, just like every other weekend I guess.

Go Eagles!!!!!

D

A.S.S.: They're Here to Save the Day... If They Don't Kill Each Other First.

Sorry for the lack of updates yesterday. But this weekend was really uneventful. Aside from me getting a pretty good drunk on last Friday night and my Eagles losing, nothing much happened.

And the fact that I am having too damned good of a time with my Liquid Courage blog doesn't help. I know that I'm prone to obsession very easily, but I don't think this is at all a bad thing. I'm getting a chance to develop the character more and do what I really enjoy: writing good material and planning to shoot another few episodes of A.S.S. Most of the time when people ask me what I want to be doing 5 years from now, I have no answer. But every time we get involved with A.S.S., I remember that THIS is what I want to do for a living.

One of the best parts has really been to watch the whole mythos of A.S.S. grow. It started out as just a couple of us screwing around making up stupid superhero characters. Then we made a short film and submitted it to Wizard for their film contest, to no success. But then it took off on it's own around Statesboro. (One time I walked into Dos Primos only to hear someone yell out "Hey! It's Liquid Courage!" I stopped dead in my tracks.) And then it took to the Internet too. Last we checked, there were like 476 downloads of the video. That's a number we weren't expecting. Then came the blogs. We farted around with the idea of doing it, and leave it to Chris to actually do it. That started the landslide of A.S.S. blogs, and now we're seeing them becoming actual superheroes in their own right. We get to do things we could never do on video, and also really develop and flesh out the characters.

So, I know I'm lovingly referred to as Liquid Courage sometimes, which is fine and dandy; but if you really want to experience LC in all his glory; as well as The Masked Mofo, The Reverend, The Slut, Pretty Boy Slim and Shit Kicker, just visit here. But remember that to get the full grasp of the A.S.S. universe, you have to read all the blogs and comments (I like to think that's where LC shines).

I hope it's entertaining. Happy reading.

D

Witness me lose "Man Points"

I'm probably gonna lose some "Man Points" for writing this short little piece, but I saw the above picture and the thought kept aggravating me until I decided to post it.

I like PDA's. Public Displays of Affection, not the Personal Digital Assistant (although I do like them. They help you organize.) Like I was saying, I like 'em. But I don't like the over the top, grossing everyone out, get a room type PDAs. I like the ones that you may only notice in glancing or cause you to say "I wish we did that". You know? Holding hands, a quick kiss, a quick goose, holding pinky fingers, winking, etc.. Those are all good.

In fact, those are one really big thing that I miss about being in a relationship. The little ways to let someone know you love them or are at least thinking about them.

So, now all you ladies (and guys too, I guess) know that there are some of us guys (now that I'm a lesser one for admitting it) out there who actually do enjoy some good PDA. Even if we don't admit it or groan about it when you do it. :)

And just to gross Kelley out: one of my favorite forms of affection, which is not a public one, is to touch my foot to one of hers in bed before going to sleep or in the middle of the night if I wake up. Shudder away Kelley.

D

In brightest day, in blackest night...

So I am totally geeking out today. Really I have been for the past few days. I cannot wait for 5:00 to come so I can go and get my new comics. It's mostly due to Infinite Crisis too. I'm stoked to see what happens, and what part some of my favorite comic book characters (Green Arrow & Green Lantern) play in this and how they're changed.

The build up for this has been huge. Some have labled this as what may kill DC comics as we know it, and some have speculated this will change things for the best. The only way to find out is to read, and I am practicly drooling over this. Issue #1 alone is supposed to have 98 different characters in it.

So I made it a point to tell Ted to have a copy of it in my pull box or die. So don't expect to hear from me tonight. Between reading comics, Lost and a phone convo with Chris; I'm booked for the evening.

Later.

D

See? It's like I have ESPN or something.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9619852/

Everyone is starting to figure out what I've been telling you guys.


D.

This John Cusack character would not have made my top 10 list.

Which John Cusack Are You?

Not exactly the John Cusack character I was hoping for. I was going for Martin Blank from Grosse Pointe Blank or maybe Lane Meyer from Better Off Dead. Let's try it again and see what happens:


Which John Cusack Are You?

Hmmmm...That came waaaaay out of left field. And I have nothing to say about the tuxedo part. Except: "Heh. Monkey suit." And I just remembered that I do have a pic of me in a tux. No one will ever see it.

Which John Cusack character are you?

D

No whammy, no whammy, no whammy...STOP!

So I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to write about, or how to tie up everything from this weekend. More to the point, the fact that Scott almost hooked me up with a Miller Lite Girl. But I didn’t want to be the lonely, sappy guy writing about romance (or the lack thereof) and bring everyone down. But after reading one of The Waiter’s latest entries, I figured that now was as good a time as any to talk about said Miller Lite Girls and what a picky jackass I am.

Cut to scene: Dos Primos, Friday night, early in the evening (7:30/8:00ish), 5 of us sitting at a table next to the bar. I’ve already had a few big beers.

Jessica gets off the phone with Scott and lets us know that he’s coming up there…and bringing Miller Lite Girls with him. Jubilation occurs amongst the men at the table. I ingest a few more big beers.

Scott comes up there accompanied by 2 lovely ladies whose sole responsibility that night is to make people (including myself) drink Miller Lite, or at least more of it in my case. Not a hard job, I assure you. **Most of the people at the table would have been drunk off half the amount I had that night.**

Immediately, I lock my sights on one particular MLG. We’ll call her MLG #2. And after repeated use of a clever little name-remembering device, I feel that I am ready to (or at least drunk enough to) try and strike up an intelligent (or at least mildly entertaining) conversation with MLG #1 & #2. At this point I’m betting that you’re wondering how it went. Well me too. I mostly just remember being pulled aside and told that I should go after MLG #1 because she's cute and “our personalities fit more”. Shit. Does that just mean I don’t have a chance in Hell with the first one? Probably, but thanks for looking out for me anyways guys. So I think I spent the rest of the night talking with MLG #1 when she was at the table. And if the whole “our personalities fit more” thing was true, then I probably had a good time.

BUT, I’m gonna be the typical guy here and say that I really was more interested in MLG #2. And yes it was because I thought she was more attractive. And quite possibly because I was told I couldn’t have her. Whatever the reasons, I felt like a douchebag the next day when MLG #1 & #2 came to the tailgate, and I still felt the same way. #1 even started talking to me again by asking me if I remembered her or anything else from the night before. A note to all of you: asking me that question prompts instantaneous fear and anxiety in me, mostly because I don’t remember and am capable of most anything when drinking. I laughed and told her yes I did remember. And I even busted out my handy-dandy name remembering device. But still not interested (and I'm pretty sure #2 was even less interested in me at this point). Damn. There’s goes a shot at a Miller Lite Girl, and all because I’m too picky.

Sometimes I wish that I could just mix and match peoples’ traits. The physical beauty of one girl matched with the personality of another. Then I could just go ahead and make my perfect woman like a crazy, horny Dr. Frankenstein. But then I’d inevitably leave out some of the great quirks that make people who they are and that you fall in love with, all in the name of being superficial. Then I’d be stuck with a hot girl who is basically a sex-bot. It could be worse I guess.

So I guess I’ll keep trying to be picky and keep hoping that I’ll find my one and only someday. But until then, there’s always plenty of booze and amusing fantasies about having a sex-bot. That ought to keep us all entertained for a little while.

D









Somehow, I think if it had been these 2 Miller Lite Girls, I wouldn't have cared which one I ended up with.

randomorganization V2.0

Redesigning the page a bit. Pretty much because I have some free time on my hands right now. Bear with me por favor. And let me know what you think I should do, change or add.

D

Aye, for all the good it did me I might as well have shoved it up me arse.

Beer week.

Is it truly a beer week when Liquid Courage himself doesn't participate? I think not, kids. And when I say "participate" I don't mean my usual partaking of the nectar of the gods. Although I have partaken and accidentally got hammered the other night just sitting on the couch. What I meant was contributing to the beer-themed blogs written by Scott, Brad and Alison. So I decided to throw in my 2 cents with a little something I came up with the other night (while drinking). If this sucks, blame it on the mixing of some free Southpaw and another free beverage that I won't admit I drank.

How do you drink beer? There are several ways to insure that you'll be killing off brain cells and destroying random property in no time. Some are slower and ensure you'll have a fun time with your friends/relatives at that BBQ. And others are to ensure that you'll be as drunk as possible in as short a period of time before whatever event you will inevitably not remember. So below are several methods of consuming adult beverages (and we'll stick with beer for easier purposes), ranked from easiest to most difficult.

Sipping
The easiest and slowest of the group. The "baby steps" of the methods of drinking if you will. Once you master this, you're set to try another difficulty level. Although, sometimes you drink so much that you can't even take "baby steps" anymore (let alone walk) and are reduced to spilling all over your face and in the general direction of your mouth. This is when a friend or sponsor should step in, cut you off, and save innocent beers from having their young lives wasted by making new stains on your t-shirt.

Shooting
The close cousin to sipping. For the person who just can't wait that extra second or two to have that 1 ounce of beer get into their system. The only times that shooting beer are even remotely acceptable is when playing a drinking game a la quarters, chandeliers, power hour, the Family Guy Drinking Game, etc... If caught randomly shooting beer, you just look like a noob or a retard and should fully expect and accept any and all mockery.

Chugging
An advanced version of sipping, where you take in more of the beer in one "sip" and also consecutively without stopping. Or breathing. Most of the time chugging is seen outside of entrances to events, stadiums, or bathrooms when an individual deems it necessary to finish off whatever is left of their beer before endeavoring in whatever activity is to follow. Learning to chug is a necessary tool when one expects to participate in bar games or drinking games in general. For guys, the faster you can chug, the better chances of winning some crappy t-shirt at the bar or at least another beer that you get to taste and enjoy this time around. For the ladies, the faster you can chug, the more guys you will impress and add to your pool of admirers and those wanting to spend a little quality time with you. And the better I'll look to you in a shorter period of time. Drink up, ladies.

Shotgunning
This is very similar to chugging, but I gave it it's own section due to the sheer mechanics of having to shotgun. And it's best to do this at the beginning of a binge because it will involve a sharp object, and that never goes well at the end of having 14-15 beers. First, take a full, unopened can. Second; find a knife, awl, or anything sharp to poke a hole near the bottom of said can. Do not poke out an eye. Third; watch the spray come flying out (feel free to spray those around you) and immediately open the can, tilt both head and can back and begin to chug the beer without spilling it all over yourself. Try to at least. Optional ending: crush can and belch mightily.

Funneling/Beer Bonging
Usually reserved for trips to the beach, funneling/bonging has moved to the backyard and parking lots of the college town. A quicker way to ingest a beer or several beers while everyone stops what they're doing to watch you. Just think of Frank the Tank in Old School and you'll get what I'm going for here. Take funnel and hose, bend up the hose so the beer doesn't run straight out (I've seen this step left out only to end in disaster), add beer(s), wait for the head to dissipate, have accomplice hold said funnel above you (as to let Mother Earth's gravity aid in getting you smashed), then chug the hell out of it. Mandatory finish: blow the head out of the funnel like a trumpet. Then belch like noone's ever belched before.

Keg Stands
The top of the drinking evolutionary chain. If you want to bring an entire section of a good party to a stop just to chant for you to drink, this is your best bet. This is also the best way to try and start or re-start a party, as it gets others involved. Generally 4 people are needed, but 3 will do if you have a freakishly big or strong person on the team. 1 to drink, 1 to pump the keg every now and then, and 2 (or 1) to hold drinker's legs up so that he/she is completely upside down. Much like chugging, being good at keg stands can raise your status at a party, or even give you an in with people who might not have otherwise talked to you. The longer you can chug upside down from a nigh never-ending flow of beer, the better you look (and the better everyone else looks too). One extra difficulty with keg stands is knowing when to stop. Some people go until beer comes out of their noses and they choke. Some go until their leg holders can't hold them up any longer. And still others go on until world records are set and they get forcibly removed from the keg so that they don't drain it. For the guys: always, ALWAYS, try to out do the girls when it comes to keg stands. Forget the other guys, being shown up by a girl will start the questioning of masculinity. If you do lose to a girl, keep an eye on her. She may that special someone later on that night. BUT if you get challenged by a player from the women's rugby team: walk away.

So there you have it. An over-written explanation of how to drink beer. All this beer talk has made me have to pee, so I'll talk to you kids later.

D

Kind of like Jimmy Caan in "Misery"

So the new job allows me access to the Internet. Hooray!

However, there is a slight glitch in my goofing off plans: The school has a web filter/software thingamajig that restricts certain sites (entertainment, shopping, etc...) while you're online. It's called "Quota Time" or something. So you can go to the sites you'd like to, but you only have about 60 minutes or so total of time each day (I think) to go there. It runs in about 10 minute increments, so you had better make the best of every second when you're on whichever site is filtered. But at least it's kind enough to tell you ahead of time that the site you typed in is on their filtered list and how much time you have left. I guess it's to keep everyone all productive and stuff.

HOWEVER, I am still testing sites to see if they are snagged and so far some of my favorites are not. Like Blogspot! Cool beans.

So, it's not like I've been handicapped like Brad, but I'm still used to having a little more freedom Internet-wise. At least I get to go home every night.

D

Shameless and quick...just like pulling my pants down at El Sombrero the other week.

What I had up here before was a little too self-indulgent, so I took out the big section with all of my links in it.

I got a tad caught up in the wave of "Google Bombing" and wanting to be the number 1 search result for "Derek" on the Google Blog Search for "Derek". Who knew I could be so egotistical?

So I figured that I'd take the Jake approach to it:
"Here's what I need all of you with Web sites and blogs to do: throw a link somewhere that links the phrase "Jake Hallman" to jakehallman.com."

Except you should probably replace Jake's name and site with mine, naturally.

Thanks for any and all help. We'll see if this works.

Oh, and what I did in the title can be credited to my long distance, heterosexual lifemate, Chris. FYI.

D

Same Stuff, Different Place

First day on the job. And I'm doing one of the things I loathed about my previous job: calling students. I freakin' hate it. I seriously have ADD when it comes to making mass amounts of phone calls. I can get through several in a row before getting fed up and needing to do something else for a few minutes. I'm no telemarketer, but that is part of the job. So I have to deal with it.

Other than that, it's quite interesting (or comical). I don't really have an "office" right now. I was supposed to, and it was supposed to have been finished by now, but it "didn't benefit anyone to have it done", so I'm SOL. So for now, I'm in the old library all by myself. Which is kind of cool. No one else in here, so I can call a few times and then goof off a tad and then go back to calling...and then back to goofing off. You know how it goes. Apparently, this old library is going to be renovated soon and it will be where the new Admissions Office will be. It'll be nice I think when they're done. Guess we'll see.

Everyone I met has been super nice today (aren't they always on the first day?), and from what I hear; they really ought to stay nice. I did kind of receive an invitation to tour the "morgue" for Mortuary Science. Cool. I'll take them up on that. I think I get an official tour later on. But not today. It's the first day of classes for the quarter and things are crazy busy. And I have calls to make. Yay.


So I went to see Serenity last Friday. And to quote a friend, "if you haven't seen this movie yet, you're only doing yourself a disservice." It's that freakin' good. It's one of the few that I'd actually pay to go see again. Like, probably this weekend. I've already told several people they need to go see it and I'd go with them if they wanted. And Joss Whedon really wrote it well enough for anyone who'd never seen an episode of "Firefly" to still really enjoy the movie. I usually end up wondering what time it is or how much time is left in most movies I see nowadays, but this isn't one of those. I was tense and engrossed the entire time. I was actually kind of emotionally worn out when we were done. And the conversations that started after that! those were great too, as several of us already had vested interest in it from the show. So if you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favorite and treat yourself to one of the best movies of the year. Then you'll probably want to run out and pick up the entire series on DVD (there's only 13 episodes, so that's not bad at all).

So that's it for now. I may update some more later on amidst the ongoing calling.

D