No whammy, no whammy, no whammy...STOP!

So I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to write about, or how to tie up everything from this weekend. More to the point, the fact that Scott almost hooked me up with a Miller Lite Girl. But I didn’t want to be the lonely, sappy guy writing about romance (or the lack thereof) and bring everyone down. But after reading one of The Waiter’s latest entries, I figured that now was as good a time as any to talk about said Miller Lite Girls and what a picky jackass I am.

Cut to scene: Dos Primos, Friday night, early in the evening (7:30/8:00ish), 5 of us sitting at a table next to the bar. I’ve already had a few big beers.

Jessica gets off the phone with Scott and lets us know that he’s coming up there…and bringing Miller Lite Girls with him. Jubilation occurs amongst the men at the table. I ingest a few more big beers.

Scott comes up there accompanied by 2 lovely ladies whose sole responsibility that night is to make people (including myself) drink Miller Lite, or at least more of it in my case. Not a hard job, I assure you. **Most of the people at the table would have been drunk off half the amount I had that night.**

Immediately, I lock my sights on one particular MLG. We’ll call her MLG #2. And after repeated use of a clever little name-remembering device, I feel that I am ready to (or at least drunk enough to) try and strike up an intelligent (or at least mildly entertaining) conversation with MLG #1 & #2. At this point I’m betting that you’re wondering how it went. Well me too. I mostly just remember being pulled aside and told that I should go after MLG #1 because she's cute and “our personalities fit more”. Shit. Does that just mean I don’t have a chance in Hell with the first one? Probably, but thanks for looking out for me anyways guys. So I think I spent the rest of the night talking with MLG #1 when she was at the table. And if the whole “our personalities fit more” thing was true, then I probably had a good time.

BUT, I’m gonna be the typical guy here and say that I really was more interested in MLG #2. And yes it was because I thought she was more attractive. And quite possibly because I was told I couldn’t have her. Whatever the reasons, I felt like a douchebag the next day when MLG #1 & #2 came to the tailgate, and I still felt the same way. #1 even started talking to me again by asking me if I remembered her or anything else from the night before. A note to all of you: asking me that question prompts instantaneous fear and anxiety in me, mostly because I don’t remember and am capable of most anything when drinking. I laughed and told her yes I did remember. And I even busted out my handy-dandy name remembering device. But still not interested (and I'm pretty sure #2 was even less interested in me at this point). Damn. There’s goes a shot at a Miller Lite Girl, and all because I’m too picky.

Sometimes I wish that I could just mix and match peoples’ traits. The physical beauty of one girl matched with the personality of another. Then I could just go ahead and make my perfect woman like a crazy, horny Dr. Frankenstein. But then I’d inevitably leave out some of the great quirks that make people who they are and that you fall in love with, all in the name of being superficial. Then I’d be stuck with a hot girl who is basically a sex-bot. It could be worse I guess.

So I guess I’ll keep trying to be picky and keep hoping that I’ll find my one and only someday. But until then, there’s always plenty of booze and amusing fantasies about having a sex-bot. That ought to keep us all entertained for a little while.

D









Somehow, I think if it had been these 2 Miller Lite Girls, I wouldn't have cared which one I ended up with.