Tales of Dickery: Stuart and the Feat of Strength

Stuart has done some stupid things since I’ve known him. And to be honest, I’ve done more than my fair share too. But mine don’t end up getting blogged about. Well, at least not by him anyways…

Stuart and the Feat of Strength
We were sitting on the couch watching TV (why do these all start like an episode of Beavis and Butthead?) when we got into an argument about something (something dumb, I’m sure). Stuart claimed to be better at something and then followed it up with a “he could kick my ass.”

Instead of actually getting into a fight and pummeling the ever living shit out of him, and then getting grounded for it; I decided to prove that I also had the better mental faculties to boot. So I challenged him to a make-shift Feat of Strength.

I told him to take his right hand and put it in my right hand, like we were helping each other up. We would stand across from each other and pull towards ourselves and whoever pulled the other over won bragging rights.

Stuart was still younger and smaller, and also dumber, so there was no way he could win. But he was really fired up and I let him believe he could for a few seconds as we started.

He pulled and pulled and I made a face that was supposed to look like I was struggling, but probably really looked like I was wrestling with a massive deuce. So he pulled and pulled, and I just started smiling. Before he realized what was going on and could stop… I let go.

And he punched himself square in the face, knocking himself to the floor.

Ahhhh… I’m rewinding those precious moments and watching them over and over in my mind right now.

The first words, not corrupted by laughter, out of my mouth were something like “Hey, I didn’t touch you. That was all you.”

As I helped him off the floor, I told him “You know that was really a tie ‘cause the grip was broken. You wanna try it again to see who wins?”

He politely declined, well as polite as “Fuck you” can be, and went looking for ice. I totally got in trouble for that, but it was worth it. It so was because I’m still enjoying it right now.

*whack!*

Ahhhh…that’s good stuff.

D