So...THIS is what causing the apocolypse feels like.

Main Entry: pa·ri·ah
Pronunciation: p&-'rI-&
Function: noun
Etymology: Tamil paraiyan, literally, drummer
1 : a member of a low caste of southern India
2 : OUTCAST
3: Derek in the Office now.

The main update you've all been waiting for: I got the job.

Not what I was hoping for financially, but it will allow me to finally come off the road (where I am right now as a matter of fact) and be able to function as a member of society at home. No more missing out on things, neglecting friends, leaving the dog for weeks on end, etc...

But, I'm having some serious mixed emotions right now. Happy, sad, excited, depressed and a little numb. I feel it all.

Just got off the phone with the boss' boss. Having to try and explain why I'm leaving now and tried to kind of hide the fact I was doing it really wore me out. I hate that kind of conversation/confrontation. And knowing that I'll be leaving an incredible group of people behind sucks, and the fact that I may be dooming some of them to what I was supposed to do in the next few weeks is killing me too.

So I'm pretty torn up inside right now...but I have to try and remember why I'm leaving in the first place: to do what is best for ME. Which isn't something that I do a whole lot. Which may be why I'm having such a hard time with this.

So I'll go back in the office and face the awkward questions and offer my awkward answers. I'll fully expect to be shunned for the most part because I'm leaving "at the worst possible time". And I'll even face any consequences that result from my decision. I just have to remember who I'm doing this for:
Me.
And him:













Thanks for the crossed fingers and all.

D