Sunday, January 04, 2009

Over & Out

While I've had a ton of fun writing this here blog-type thing (well, when I actually was writing it anyways), it's time to say adios muchachos to SBDA!.


I just can't find the creative energies to come up with the smorgasbord of hilarity and retardation that has become the standard that you're used to seeing here. I guess that I finally have an effective outlet for whatever energy, and more importantly frustration, that fueled the overly-combustible engine of SBDA!. So while I still spend my fair share of time on the Interwebs reading everyone else's blogs, I just don't have the drive to contribute my $0.0167 anymore.

So thanks for sticking with me (if anyone did for the ridiculously long hiatus), and feel free to check me out on the Book of Faces. I do still do that one compulsively.

D

Friday, January 11, 2008

+8

20-12.

I finished the Bowl Season and the 3rd annual ABPSSPP being 8 over .500. Not bad. Not real good, but not bad.


Yep, I called it.

As usual, I got a lot of the big ones right, but screwed up even more of the little ones (damn New Mexico!).

So cheers to all those big guys who played their asses off all season, and to the lovely ladies who shook theirs to help cheer them on.

Can't wait to be wrong some more next year.

D

In case you needed to know...

If you wash your iPod earphones, and dry them on low heat, they will still work.

Just an FYI.

D

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

He was giving me the business

Had my drug screen and yet another physical today.

This time, the doctor actually told me (and I quote) "You're healthy as a horse." So people other than me actually do still say that. Cool.

And I managed to avoid getting the business in the back of the store too. The doc said I don't really need to worry about that for another couple of years, and that he really just didn't feel like doing it. Sweet, because me neither.

Everything else seemed to go for the good, so I guess I'm starting next week. Just have to go get measured for my uniform and turnout gear at some point. Yay, free stuff!

D

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Maybe I should have posted this yesterday

Just in case anyone was thinking about trying to adhere to any New Year's superstitions, here's a few more that I found via Snopes:

New Year's Superstitions
Besides getting sloppy drunk and kissing everybody in the room at the stroke of midnight, celebrants throughout the ages have observed numerous lesser-known New Year's customs and superstitions. Many of the superstitions associated with the event bear the common theme that activities engaged in on that day set the pattern for the year to come. Others have to do with warding off evil spirits or attracting luck.

Because January 1 is the first day of the new year, we have drawn a connection between what we do on that day and our fate throughout the rest of the year. Here are some of the ways we attempt to guarantee a good outcome through our acts on that portentous first day:

Kissing at midnight:
We kiss those dearest to us at midnight not only to share a moment of celebration with our favorite people, but also to ensure those affections and ties will continue throughout the next twelve months. To fail to smooch our significant others at the stroke of twelve would be to set the stage for a year of coldness.

Stocking Up:
The new year must not be seen in with bare cupboards, lest that be the way of things for the year. Larders must be topped up and plenty of money must be placed in every wallet in the home to guarantee prosperity.

Paying Off Bills:
The new year should not be begun with the household in debt, so checks should be written and mailed off prior to January 1st. Likewise, personal debts should be settled before the New Year arrives.

First Footing:
The first person to enter your home after the stroke of midnight will influence the year you're about to have. Ideally, he should be dark-haired, tall, and good-looking, and it would be even better if he came bearing certain small gifts such as a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread, a sprig of evergreen, and some salt. Blonde and redhead first footers bring bad luck, and female first footers should be shooed away before they bring disaster down on the household. Aim a gun at them if you have to, but don't let them near your door before a man crosses the threshold.

The first footer (sometimes called the "Lucky Bird") should knock and be let in rather than unceremoniously use a key, even if he is one of the householders. After greeting those in the house and dropping off whatever small tokens of luck he has brought with him, he should make his way through the house and leave by a different door than the one through which he entered.

No one should leave the premises before the first footer arrives — the first traffic across the threshold must be headed in rather than striking out.

First footers must not be cross-eyed or have flat feet or eyebrows that meet in the middle.

Nothing prevents the cagey householder from stationing a dark-haired man outside the home just before midnight to ensure the speedy arrival of a suitable first footer as soon as the chimes sound. If one of the partygoers is recruited for this purpose, impress upon him the need to slip out quietly just prior to the witching hour.

Nothing Goes Out:
Nothing — absolutely nothing, not even garbage — is to leave the
house on the first day of the year. If you've presents to deliver on New Year's Day, leave them in the car overnight. Don't so much as shake out a rug or take the empties to the recycle bin.

Some people soften this rule by saying it's okay to remove things from the home on New Year's Day provided something else has been brought in first. This is similar to the caution regarding first footers; the year must begin with something's being added to the home before anything subtracts from it.

One who lives alone might place a lucky item or two in a basket that has a string tied to it, then place the basket just outside the front door before midnight. After midnight, the lone celebrant hauls in his catch, being careful to bring the item across the door jamb by pulling the string rather than by reaching out to retrieve it and thus breaking the plane of the threshold.

Food:
A tradition common to the southern states of the USA dictates that the eating of black-eyed peas on New Year's Day will attract both general good luck (financial in particular) to the one doing the dining. Some choose to add other Southern fare (such as ham hocks, collard greens, or cabbage) to this tradition, but the black-eyed peas are key.

Other "lucky" foods are lentil soup (because lentils supposedly look like coins), pork (because poultry scratches backwards, a cow stands still, but a pig roots forward, ergo those who dine upon pork will be moving forward in the new year), and sauerkraut (probably because it goes so well with pork).

Another oft-repeated belief holds that one must not eat chicken or turkey on the first day of the year lest, like the birds in question, diners fate themselves to scratch in the dirt all year for their dinner (that is, bring poverty upon themselves).

Work:
Make sure to do — and be successful at — something related to your work on the first day of the year, even if you don't go near your place of employment that day. Limit your activity to a token amount, though, because to engage in a serious work project on that day is very unlucky.

Also, do not do the laundry on New Year's Day, lest a member of the family be 'washed away' (die) in the upcoming months. The more cautious eschew even washing dishes.

New Clothes:
Wear something new on January 1 to increase the likelihood of your receiving more new garments during the year to follow.

Money:
Do not pay back loans or lend money or other precious items on New Year's Day. To do so is to guarantee you'll be paying out all year.

Breakage:
Avoid breaking things on that first day lest wreckage be part of your year. Also, avoid crying on the first day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next twelve months.

Other superstitions attaching to the beginning of the new year are:

Letting the Old Year Out:
At midnight, all the doors of a house must be opened to let the old year escape unimpeded. He must leave before the New Year can come in, says popular wisdom, so doors are flung open to assist him in finding his way out.

Loud Noise:
Make as much noise as possible at midnight. You're not just celebrating; you're scaring away evil spirits, so do a darned good job of it!

According to widespread superstition, evil spirits and the Devil himself hate loud noise. We celebrate by making as much of a din as possible not just as an expression of joy at having a new year at our disposal, but also to make sure Old Scratch and his minions don't stick around. (Church bells are rung on a couple's wedding day for the same reason.)

The Weather:
Examine the weather in the early hours of New Year's Day. If the wind blows from the south, there will be fine weather and prosperous times in the year ahead. If it comes from the north, it will be a year of bad weather. The wind blowing from the east brings famine and calamities. Strangest of all, if the wind blows from the west, the year will witness plentiful supplies of milk and fish but will also see the death of a very important person. If there's no wind at all, a joyful and prosperous year may be expected by all.

Born on January 1:
Babies born on this day will always have luck on their side.

--------------

Really kinda wish that I had posted this yesterday, as I'm doing laundry as we speak. So watch your asses this year.

D

Happy of the year that's new

It's after 6am here in SBDA-land, and I'm still up and drinking. Yeah, so this year is starting off pretty well. I guess, anyways.



So, um, Happy New Year!!!

D

Monday, December 31, 2007

Enjoy it while it lasts...

Sporting what could be my last beard for a long, long time.

Since I'll probably be having to shave every damned day for a couple of months until I get on a shift, I figured I should put off shaving for as long as possible. Which will probably be until January 8th or 9th.

So, itchy it may be, but I have to do it while I still can.

You know, use it or lose it. Or maybe, use it then lose it.

D

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah...



All that jazz and more from your friends here at Screw Big, Dumb American.

D

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Christmas Comes Early

Friday brought an early Christmas present to the SBDA household:

A new frickin' job!

Had the interview in the morning; and later on that evening, had a job offer. So I told them I needed a little time to sort it all out (which I actually did), and that I'd call back to let them know. A few phone calls later, and after getting my head a little straighter, I knew I had to turn in my 2 weeks notice which I did over the phone and with an email.


I just needed a picture as awesome as the present that I got. This'll do it.

So I think I'll be starting with the Department around January 7th. At least that's the plan. And I also have to go through a few hoops what with the physical, drug screen and a few other tests. And let's not forget the fun that will be my last few days at the old job. Yay.

So anyways, Merry Christmas to me. Oh, and you guys as well. Thanks for all the well wishes again.

I'll let you all know more as I do, or at least when more things become a little clearer.

D

Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's the most wonderful time of the year

It's bowl season!! And that can only mean one thing here on SBDA: that's right, it's time for the Annual Bowl Picks Super Spectacular Prognostication Post!!!! (insert cheers and confetti)

This is what, the 3rd year of embarrasing myself with my picks in front of the whole Interweb? And I'm still doing it? Wow, I really am a glutton for punishment.

Seeing as how I don't have the time or creative juices to do another ABPSSPP like I really want to do a la the first one (and I promise it's not because of the MyFace), this one's gonna be more like last year's: short, sweet and mostly wrong.

And away we go...

(Winners are highlighted/bolded/blued/whatever)
Poinsettia
San Diego
Utah vs. Navy
Dec. 20, 9 p.m.
ESPN
My heart wants to pick Navy, but the reason it wants to has already left to coach Georgia Tech.

New Orleans
New Orleans
Florida Atlantic vs. Memphis
Dec. 21, 8 p.m.
ESPN2

Papajohns.com
Birmingham, Ala.
Cincinnati vs. Southern Miss
Dec. 22, 1 p.m.
ESPN2

New Mexico
Albuquerque, N.M.
Nevada vs. New Mexico
Dec. 22, 4:30 p.m.
ESPN

Las Vegas
Las Vegas
UCLA vs. BYU
Dec. 22, 8 p.m.
ESPN
Rarely do I pick the Stormin' Mormons, but this is one of those times.

Hawaii
Honolulu
Boise State vs. East Carolina
Dec. 23, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Motor City
Detroit
Central Michigan vs. Purdue
Dec. 26, 7:30 p.m.
ESPN

Holiday
San Diego
Arizona State vs. Texas
Dec. 27, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Texas
Houston
Texas Christian vs. Houston
Dec. 28, 8 p.m.
NFL Network
Ummmm... who cares? It's either the Horny Toads or "Hooston". This time the more obscure Best of the Best 2 reference wins out.

Champ Sports
Orlando, Fla.
Boston College vs. Michigan State
Dec. 28, 5 p.m.
ESPN

Emerald
San Francisco
Maryland vs. Oregon State
Dec. 28, 8 p.m.
ESPN
Beavers...

Meineke Car Care
Charlotte, N.C.
Wake Forest vs. Connecticut
Dec. 29, 1 p.m.
ESPN

Liberty
Memphis, Tenn.
Central Florida vs. Mississippi State
Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m.
ESPN

Alamo
San Antonio
Penn State vs. Texas A&M
Dec. 29, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Independence
Shreveport, La.
Colorado vs. Alabama
Dec. 30, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Armed Forces
Fort Worth, Texas
California vs. Air Force
Dec. 31, 12:30 p.m.
ESPN

Humanitarian
Boise, Idaho
Fresno State vs. Georgia Tech
Dec. 31, 2 p.m.
ESPN2

Sun
El Paso, Texas
Oregon vs. South Florida
Dec. 31, 2 p.m.
CBS

Music City
Nashville, Tenn.
Kentucky vs. Florida State
Dec. 31, 4 p.m.
ESPN
Had this one picked even before the 20+ player suspension.

Chick-fil-A
Atlanta
Auburn vs. Clemson
Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m.
ESPN

Insight
Tempe, Ariz.
Indiana vs. Oklahoma State
Dec. 31, 8 p.m.
NFL Network

Outback
Tampa, Fla.
Wisconsin vs. Tennessee
Jan. 1, 11 a.m.
ESPN
Sorry, Adub.

Cotton
Dallas
Missouri vs. Arkansas
Jan. 1, 11:30 a.m.
FOX
The Petrino Curse begins...

Gator
Jacksonville, Fla.
Texas Tech vs. Virginia
Jan. 1, 1 p.m.
CBS

Capital One
Orlando, Fla.
Michigan vs. Florida
Jan. 1, 1 p.m.
ABC

Rose
Pasadena, Calif.
Southern California vs. Illinois
Jan. 1, 4:30 p.m.
ABC

Sugar
New Orleans
Hawaii vs. Georgia
Jan. 1, 8:30 p.m.
FOX
My head says Georgia, but my heart says "Shut the fuck up head. We're never taking Georgia, so get over it."

Fiesta
Glendale, Ariz.
Oklahoma vs. West Virginia
Jan. 2, 8 p.m.
FOX

Orange
Miami
Virginia Tech vs. Kansas
Jan. 3, 8 p.m.
FOX

International
Toronto
Rutgers vs. Ball State
Jan. 5, noon
ESPN2
Rut-gers!

GMAC
Mobile, Ala.
Bowling Green vs. Tulsa
Jan. 6, 8 p.m.
ESPN
The winner? The city of Mobile, who makes a few hundred thousand dollars off this game. The loser? Everyone who watches.

BCS Championship Game
New Orleans
Ohio State vs. LSU
Jan. 7, 8 p.m.
FOX
Geaux Bayou Bengals!

That's it. Now go and pick the opposites and you should do well.

D

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Kinda like the Newlywed Game... but with politicians

My Dad usually sends me some pretty random emails, with the majority having a heaping dose of religion to them. But the other day he actually sent something useful:

"The Candidate Match Game" from USA Today

It's pretty handy when trying to figure out just who, out of all those future political let-downs, most closely resembles your beliefs/views on the most debated subjects.

Mine came out pretty much how I thought it would, and more so from an individual candidtae stand point and not a political party one.

I'm not a Republican, but over the years McCain has seemed like someone who I could get behind and Ron Paul has been good for me since he joined the race with his old-Republican ideas that are almost Democratic. Giuliani? Well, that's just fun to say. Plus, I already know his platform: noun, verb and 9-11. Simple and still effective enough for most people.

If you haven't taken it yet, give it a whirl. You might be suprised. Or maybe you won't.


D

Sunday, December 02, 2007

I feel so dirty



Damn it. I finally went and did it. I broke. I caved. *sigh*

I created a MySpace page.

Now I feel like I'm addicted to crack or something because I can't stay off of it. This is worse than when I got Quicken.

What have I wrought?

D

Friday, November 30, 2007

Let's Get Physical

Yay! A trip to the doctor is always fun. Buuuuuuut, it was about time I had another battery of tests of the physical nature.

Turns out that yours semi-truly is healthy as a sasquatch.

Good, low blood pressure, weight about right, breathing was "very good" and everything else was fine. Sweet.

Only little bit o' fun was the "Do you drink?" portion of it.

"Do you drink?"
"Yes."
"About how often?"
"Well, only on the weekends really."
"Ok. And about how much on the weekends?"
"Which day?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Well, you know, it kinda depends on the day as to how much I might drink."
"Hmmm...Well, any given day. About a six pack?"
"Ummm..."
"About a twelve pack?"
"Weeeell.... ummmmmm...."
"I see..."
"Yeah..."
"And you know that's not exactly the wisest choice?"
"Yes sir. But I assure you it's under control."
And then back and forth banter about family history of alcoholism versus it being football season. Good times.

So, other than that humorous exchange, I'm all set to keep up with the training for the hopeful new jorb.

And despite me having a pretty high thresh-hold for pain, the tetanus shot did hurt like a little son of a bitch.

D

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Just Because...

Sam's in the news again, but this time for something positive, I had to re-post the ever-popular "not so accurate" quote from Sam after He Who Shall Not Be Named left.


“I’m as fucking surprised as you guys are!”- Sam Baker, A.D.

D

Feasibility

Wow. About damned time. (and not just for a post from me)



Time to start restructuring the ol' checkbook so I can contribute more to Southern Boosters and let them know why I'm doing it. You know, because the administration is showing some initiative.

D



"I wasn't sure what 'Division One' meant to him. But I knew what 'One' meant to me - Georgia, Notre Dame, Southern California - all those kind of folks."
- Coach Erk Russell

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Turkey Day



Happy Thanksgiving from Gobbles the Wonder Turkey and the rest of the Screw Big, Dumb American crew.... so um, you know, me.

Gobble gobble.

D

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I'm not an asshole... am I?

When I have to be "on" all day long at work, and I'm just mentally drained at the end of it all; is it any wonder that all I really want is to either go to the gym or go running to feel as physically tired as I am mentally? By myself?

So when I get calls or texts to hang out and drink beer after work, I have a hard time accepting the invitations because I need to decompress or whatever.

Does that make me an asshole in some peoples' eyes because I'm not dropping my routine to go hang out? Or does everyone pretty much know that I'm doing what I need to in order to stay sane long enough to eventually see them on the weekend?

I'm hoping that everyone knows me well enough by now to know that any other time I'd love to have a beer or 18 and shoot the shite, but not in the early evening during the week. That's my quality me time.

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the invitations, because I really do. I'm probably just not gonna accept them right away, or at least until I hopefully have a new job that will allow me to do what I need to during the day and then hang out at night.

So I guess cross your fingers for me to get that new job soon, then everyone wins. Or something.

D

Monday, November 12, 2007

Tales of Dickery: Me Versus the Sink

Ah, time for an all new, all different Tales of Dickery! I figure that I owe you guys what with the absence and all. But I think we're all square after this gem. And it's fresh too! Happened just last week.

Tales of Dickery: Me Versus the Sink

And now the score sits at an even Derek: 1 / Sinks of the World: 1.

Last week I was out at a work function, dressed all nice as I'm s'posed to be. A few cups of coffee and a bottle of water later, and Derek needs to visit the el bano.

Everything comes out well and it's time to wash the hands; 'cause hey, I'm all hygienic and shit. Up until now, I've never met a malicious sink before. But lay eyes upon the first:


When you push the button on the other side, a boxing glove comes out and punches you in the groin.

Normally, when you push a button or turn a knob on a sink, water flows in a downward direction allowing you to rinse your hands, lather them up with soap and then rinse them off. Normally. But not this one. This evil fixture of fuckitude shoots out it's spray like a spitting cobra, but right at your crotch instead of your eyes. Check out the carnage:


Technically, I guess I did have an accident.

Obviously I can't just stroll back out and keep plugging along, I have to rectify the situation. So now I'm forced to stand in the bathroom and further humiliate myself by blowing on my crotch and rubbing it vigorously with a paper towel like I'm cleaning up an even dirtier mess. Jeez, I can smell the bad fanfic from here.

And of course I can't possibly get away with no one seeing me in my vulnerable state. That just doesn't happen to me. So a guy strolled in and he caught me out of the corner of his eye, prompting one of those great double takes because he's not entirely sure that they saw exactly what he did. You know, 'cause he didn't expect to see someone sort of rubbing one out in the bathroom that isn't of the interstate rest stop variety.

"Don't use the sink 'cause it makes you wet! I mean, um, the sink, it sprays your crotch instead of your hands. Like this. (points to crotch) ... Um, yeah... just be careful. Yeah."

Smooth.

And despite my attempts at warning the other unsuspecting potential victims of that aquatic crotch assassin, it struck several more times. And of course it was funny. Because it's always funnier when it's not me. BUT, this is a SBDA Tale of Dickery, so it's even funnier because it is me. At least to you guys.

D

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Not exactly nepotism, but close...

Bionic Woman is starting to circle the drain, but I've at least started to make a game out of watching it.

The game runs along the lines of "spot the wrestler" in Beyond the Mat. Except now I play "spot the Battlestar Galactica actors."

So far, I can think of 4 that I've seen David Eick put on there. Starbuck, Chief Tyrol, Leobon Conoy, and Romo Lampkin. That's pretty impressive for only being 6 episodes into the season. I guess Eick has to find work for his Galactica people somehow since they like to take damned near forever in between seasons.

So I guess I'll be keeping a sort of running tally of guest appearances, if only in my head. Or maybe just a brief blurb when I find another "Waldo."

Until then, "So say we all."

D

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Brutal Honesty

Oooh ouch. That's gotta sting. A lot.

I'm a little bit behind on my Sports Illustrated reading. About 2 weeks worth really. But yesterday I was flipping through the NBA preview and ran across probably the most brutal ass scouting report of a team ever. And of course it was the Atlanta Hawks.



Now, I usually don't give two shits about the NBA (college ball is 1,000 times better), but I do follow the Hawks into their yearly decline into playoff irrelevancy and obscurity. So of course I wanted to see how "meh" my team is gonna be this year.

They had an anonymous opposing team's scout evaluate them, and I expected something about them still being a very green team with some good upside to come once they gel and mature or whatever. What I got was this:

"This team is so bad that you can tell who's taking the first shot simply by whoever gets the ball in his hands first.... Where do we begin with Josh Smith? He'll dunk it three straight times, and then the next time down he'll want to see if he can get the three-point shot working, so he'll throw one up out of the flow, clank. Or he'll make some stupid pass into the third row. Or he'll jump in the air and throw it at someone's knees.... Al Horford has a better chance of being a successful pro than Smith or either Marvin Williams or Shelden Williams. He knows what he is, and he sticks with that.... Marvin Williams thinks he's a jump shooter, but he doesn't make jump shots, and he thinks he's a ball handler, but he's not quick enough to get by people, so he'll run into them and get called for a charge.... They don't have leadership at point guard. Speedy Claxton is in decline- he may have to change his name. Acie Law is a ball-control guy, and he defends. We'll have to see if he's capable of making plays for the rest of them... Jeez, I mean, they just flat out suck."

Well, OK, I made that last one up. But I totally expected them to end with something like that. It certainly seemed like they were headed that way.

So, join me as I follow the Hawks throughout their hunt for .500 this season, and the constant hope that I might get to see some of the A-Town Dancers on TV every once in a while.

D


Mmmmm.... Leslie....*drool*


Briana? More like "Bri-hot-na". (sorry)