Thursday, April 13, 2006

Still keeping it "Real"

I got a little worked up about "The Real World" after writing yesterday's post. And I couldn't stop thinking about the thousands of people that have been on there. **Seriously, I had to go back through this list and edit people out because I had like 137 people on here.** The ones I've liked and disliked, loved and hated, wanted to have a beer with and wanted to hit in the head with a brick.

So I decided to compile a list of notable characters (notable, at least from my stand point) from each of the seasons. **And I tried to keep it 1 per season to keep numbers. I tried to.**

Julie (New York)- Ah, my first "reality" crush. The sweet Alabama native stole my heart because she was smokin' hot and was just a tad naive. Remember when she asked Heather B if she sold drugs when her pager went off? Hee hee. So cute.

Dominic (Los Angeles)- The good ol' stereotypical drunk Irishman. Passed out in the sand on their vacation. Kick ass, that's what I usually do on vacation too. I guess there are people like me on TV after all.

Puck (San Francisco)- Snot rockets, fingers in the peanut butter, blatant homophobia and he got kicked out of the house. How do you not love and absolutely fucking hate this cat at the same time? But at least he may have been one of the most "real" people on the show ever. If not, then that guy deserves an Oscar.

Judd (San Francisco)- (Fine, I have two from the same season on here. Bad, Derek! Bad!) An actual stand up guy and friend to Pedro. Now married to the cute Asian doctor and a writer for DC comics. Writing Green Arrow and Green Lantern will get you on just about any list I make. So sue me.

Neil (London)- Had a pig's heart sent to him on Valentine's by his crazy-ass girlfriend. And had his tongue fucking bitten off at a concert!!

Joe (Miami)- All I remember from this guy is his egregious (that's a dollar word) New York accent and him saying he used to train to be a porn star and it aggravated the hell out of his girlfriend (who incidentally was like 3 feet taller than him). That's all.

Elka (Boston)- Excuse me. I have to change my pants now because she was so hot.

Montana (Boston)- Again, another two from the same season, but I just had to get this outta my system: God, I fucking hate that chick.

David & Nathan (Seattle)- Went to VMI together. I think this was the first time that 2 people who knew each other were on the show together. Was it the last too?

Stephen (Seattle)- Slapped Irene. That's all I've got. But it was great.

Irene (Seattle)- Went crazy. Got slapped by Stephen in probably the funniest slap I've ever seen: *knock knock knock* *open car door* *slap!* *close car door*

Ruthie (Hawaii)- My hero of the season, and then they made her go to rehab. Bastards. Luckily, I hear that she's made a complete recovery and is now drinking again. Atta girl, Ruthie. Quitters never win.

Julie (New Orleans)- The...the..the...um.. damn, I can't do it. THE MORMON CHICK WHO GOT KICKED OUT OF BYU FOR SHARING A ROOM/HOUSE WITH GUYS..... sorry. I tried to get through this one without mentioning that she was the mormon chick who got kicked out of BYU for sharing her room/house with guys. Damn, did it again. Oh well. She also co-hosts "Electric Playground" on G4 and tried to kill a chick on one season of The Gauntlet. Cool. At least I made it though this one without mentioning "Big Love". Damn.

Good. God. I'm still going? Christ! How many more seasons are left? 8?!? Damnit. I shoulda just picked a Top 5 or something... oh well, let's finish up shall we? Unless you gotta make a pit stop first or grab some caffeine, then we'll wait...

Done? Okey dokey. *quick, deep breaths* Here we go!!!

Mike (New York 2)- 2 words: The & Miz. Aspiring professional wrestler & and all around drunk weirdo really. Easily one of my favorite Real Worlders of all time. mikethemiz.com

Tonya (Chicago)- kidney stones and shit. That's all I got. Oh, and she was hot.

Trishele (Las Vegas)- I never really watched this one, but I heard she was a hooker or something. All I know is she and The Miz dated and she screwed him over. So, she's a bitch. And a hooker apparently.

Ace (Paris)- I've hated a lot of people before in my life. And I've known just about all of them personally. Ace is the first person that I've hated with a passion and I've only met in passing. You remember up at the top when I said I wanted to hit someone in the head with a brick? Well, it's this guy. For years after he made an ass of him self on TRW (and subsequently made a pussy of himself on all the challenges he's been in), I was inundated with "Do you know Ace?" questions from middle and high school girls whenever I did visits. One day I snapped and said "Yeah I know him and he's a bastard and has herpes!" I'm surprised I didn't get fired for that. But it would have totally been worth it. I hate Ace.

The entire cast of San Diego- I listed them all because they're all so generic. We've seen them all before on different seasons already, but with different names. Except I think this was the first time that a cast member left and was replaced. They wife-swapped Frankie out and brought Charlie in. They both sucked, so I guess it was an even trade.

Landon/MJ (Philadelphia)- This doesn't count as two because I think they're really the same guy. If it was two, then I couldn't ever really tell them apart due to all the over drinking, over whiteness, over fighting with the Karamo, over fighting with the girls, etc... that they both did. But my neighbor has a dog named Landon. He's crazy, afraid of everything, barks all the damn time and just a freak. And he has the same name as the supposed "one guy" from the show. So maybe I shoulda stuck with "Landon".
I still think it's one guy with a curly wig...

Danny (Austin)- I didn't watch this season, but I did see the one where Danny got beat the hell up in the street by some dude. So that's why Danny's on here. 'Cause he got his ass kicked and I saw it. Man, if only that'd happened to Ace...

Svetlana (Key West)- This season is on right now and I haven't watched more than 10 minutes of it total. But this chick is hot, part Russian and named "Svetlana"... so she gets the nod here.

CLEAR!

I'm done and have officially run out of words.

D

2 comments:

D said...

If he does, will you hit him in the head with a brick?

D said...

On the 6 o'clock news at the very least. Or you could start an OJ-esque chase afterwards and really milk the coverage.