Big, Dumb American and the Next to Last Crusade

I need to get off this damned show. It’s killing me ever-so slowly with days like yesterday that are chock-full of suckiness.

First was a trip to the doctor’s office for a quick check-up/exam. I was in and out in an hour, so not so bad really. Could have done without the $30 co-pay though. Then came the trip to get the medicine which tested my patience to its limits. I’m now referring to this as “Prescription Adventure ’06!”

Went to Eckerd’s, which is 2 buildings up from the doctor’s office, because they’re usually pretty quick with the medicine and well, it’s really close to the doctor’s office. I walk up and ask if the prescription has been called in, but it hadn’t been. So I wait, make a few trips around the store, and skim half the newest Men’s Health for probably 20-something minutes before I go and ask them again. Still no joy. But they said they’d call to get it. Another few trips around the store and an imaginary shopping spree later, and they call me up to the desk to tell me that they don’t have 1 of the 2 needed ingredients. Fanfuckingtastic. So they want to know if I’d like to come back tomorrow to see if they have it (notice the “if”) or they can call over to somewhere else to try and get it filled today. I opt for option #2 so I can get the damned medicine that day (hopefully), and I head on over to Wal-Mart for the second part of “Prescription Adventure ’06!”

Ah, Wally World: one of the Earth’s best places to waste some time; along with Barnes & Noble, Target, Dos Primos, the organization aisle at Lowe’s (or Home Depot), and Tommy & Kelley’s house. But also one of man’s greatest enemies when it comes to trying not to spend money. Along with Dos.

A medium-lengthed jaunt through Wally World later, and I head over to the Pharmacy. It’s not ready. What a shocker. In order to avoid spending any more money than I’m about to, I park it on one of the benches in front of the Pharmacy. A short nap later and they begin with the Spanish Inquisition because I’ve never filled a prescription there before. When it’s ready, I ask why it’s in 2 bottles instead of the one it’s normally in. Apparently there’s been a mix up with the called-in order. Crappopotamous! So about another 10-15 minutes later, I have what damned well better be the medical equivalent of the water that Indiana Jones gave his father out of the Holy Grail in “The Last Crusade.” So, “Prescription Adventure ’06!” was over, and it only took a little over 3 hours.

Now, I’m sure that some of you are wondering why I didn’t just leave and come back later to pick up my prescription later on; and I’d just like to take a second to thank you for being a new reader to “Screw Big, Dumb American.” You see, as my faithful readers know and can attest: I’m a frickin’ idiot. That’s why the Japanese love me so much. That, and I’m not afraid of the physical comedy.

Ah, so. That’s the first part of the Double Whammy. And there I thought that was about as bad as it could get. And no, I didn’t actually say to myself “It can’t possibly get any worse.” That’s just an engraved invitation for SBDA to make something else happen. But apparently I don’t even have to say it anymore….

D