No Runaway Bride this time...

I spent the past weekend in Tuscaloosa for The Transplant’s wedding. And I’m really trying my best to remember everything that went on, but the fact that I drank like a friggin’ fish for most of the time doesn’t help a ton. I may require a little assistance from The Blonde if she decides to chime in down under in the comments section.

Friday:
Left with Yogus for the 6 & ½ hour trek to Tuscaloosa at around 7:30 am in order to make sure we got there early and had time for everything. And Jesus am I glad that we did. A couple of the groomsmen were late (and missed the rehearsal) and I thought Michael’s head was gonna explode.

After 5 & ½ hours of hearing ESPN Radio talking about Rutgers (I hate Rutgers now), Yogus and I get to the hotel, check in, sift through the gift bag, find the tiny bottle of wine, and proceed to do a 2 person wine toss. Funny yes, but barely enough to whet our whistle.

Skip past the 2 groomsmen-shy rehearsal and dinner, and we land at what could be the last Middleground show ever. 2 hours and change later and the guys have sufficiently rocked the taints right off everyone in the whole damned bar. And I’m still sober. Yep, I managed to make it through an entire Middleground show sober. Well, sober for me anyways. And only because I ended up getting hosed and becoming the guy who gets to load all the equipment into his car and make sure it gets back to the hotel. Awesome.

After a last beer at the bar, Yogus and I manage to find a gas station that wasn’t closed for cleaning between the hours of 2 and 4, and I get some beer to drink at the hotel. A few minutes of watching the best channel in the world (I’m saving that for its own post) later, and we head down to drink and have some cigarettes outside. We talked the security guard into letting us sit out there for a half hour. 2 and a half (and all the beer later), and we call it a night.

Saturday:
We’re supposed to be somewhere for pictures at 1:30. 1:30! We dragged our asses out of bed around 12, mostly due to Michael’s incessant calling (he was none too pleased when I told him we were up ‘til 5am). We make our way to the University Club for pictures (on time too) and then get to play the waiting game. For like an hour. Photographer shows up, we take the pictures, and then all the groomsman not related to Avant haul ass to the hotel bar to get a beer and watch as much of the Georgia Southern – Furman game as we can before we have to be at the church. Stupid bar wasn’t open, so we run upstairs to watch a few minutes and then head over.

Ushering goes like a semi-orchestrated train wreck, I don’t trip on the way down, the flower girl uses maybe 15 petals out of the entire bucket, the ring bearer plays with a needle most of the time and probably had to go to the bathroom the entire time, both Michael and Lydia actually say “I do”, Michael almost cries, no one wins the bet because we all bet he would, I kinda snicker when I hear that he’s written some of his own vows, the Unity candle actually lights, The Blonde cries again while reading her spiel, I don’t trip and take the assigned bridesmaid with me, and everything goes okey dokey. That was the wedding.

The Reception was, well, a reception. Lots of beer, lots of making fun of people, lots of me not dancing, Yogus and I rearranging the replica GSU National Championship flags on the Groom’s cake in chronological order, doing dirty things with the veggie table, all of the groomsmen almost starting a Tuscaloosa chapter of the Eagle Club after we ran into an alum out there, and a few other hazy things.

But it was getting all kinds of wasted (doing nothing but shots) at the hotel bar in this classy outfit that really made my night. Well, other than the wedding.



That is nothing but class right there.

Sunday:
Got to brunch to try and soak up as much of the booze as I could so we could make another Homeward Bound-esque trip. Said goodbyes and congratulations and headed off. Got back without incident, picked up the Future Overlord, and finally unpacked. Then I proceeded to drink all the beer and liquor in the house until I ran out at 3 in the morning. I may have a problem.

All I wanna know now is, who’s getting married next?

D


Dirty veggies.