Preseason Roster Checks: ABC

ABC is in the batter’s box with their line-up today. And it looks like they’re pretty much relying on “Lost” and the other crap they show to carry them since they didn’t bother to do a damned thing in the TV draft except getting a potential blue-chipper in “Cavemen.” But what do I know? I thought “Ugly Betty” wouldn’t make it through a full season. Now to the player introductions…

ABC's Fall 2007 TV Schedule
Who Got Cut:
"According to Jim," "Big Day," "Daybreak," "Extreme Makover," "The George Lopez Show," "The Great American Vote," "Help Me Help You," "In Case of Emergency," "The Knights of Prosperity," "The Nine," "Show Me the Money," "Six Degrees," "What About Brian."

Who Got Retained:
"America's Funniest Home Videos," "The Bachelor," "Boston Legal", "Brothers and Sisters," "Dancing with the Stars," "Desperate Housewives," "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," "Grey's Anatomy," "Jimmy Kimmel Live," "Lost," "Men in Trees," "Notes from the Underbelly," "October Road," "Supernanny," "Ugly Betty," "Wife Swap."

Newly Acquired:
“Big Shots,” “Carpoolers,” “Cashmere Mafia,” “Cavemen,” “Dirty Sexy Money,” “Eli Stone,” “Miss/Guided,” “Oprah’s Big Give,” “Private Practice,” “Pushing Daisies,” “Sam I Am,” “Women’s Murder Club.”

The All-Stars:
“Lost”

Players To Watch?:

-“Cavemen”- It’s cavemen. On TV. That’s pure TV gold right there. Well, at least for the first 3 or 4 episodes before its ratings start to go down the toilet. I have a sudden urge to buy Geico now.
(Comedy, Tuesdays 8pm)Over the last hundred thousand years, mankind has evolved from primitive creatures into the sophisticated beings we are today, with the exception of a small minority who unfortunately didn't physically evolve. Meet Lauren, his younger brother Jamie (Dash Mihok), and his best friend Nick (Nick Kroll), three sophisticated cavemen living in modern-day Atlanta. These cavemen continually find themselves at odds with contemporary society as they struggle to overcome their physical appearance and the accompanying stereotypes. Lauren is content with his life while pursuing the American dream, and has recently become engaged to Kate (Kaitlin Doubleday), a lovely Southern Caucasian girl. However, he must constantly vie for the respect of her conservative parents. Lauren's relationship with Kate and his personal contentment are constantly being put to the test by Nick and Jamie's emotional demands. Bill English, John Heard and Stephaanie Lemelin star.

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The Network’s Rotation:
MONDAY

8pm: "Dancing with the Stars"

9pm: "Sam I Am"

10pm: "The Bachelor"

TUESDAY

8pm: "Cavemen"

8:30pm: "Carpoolers"

9pm: "Dancing with the Stars Results"

10pm: "Boston Legal"

WEDNESDAY

8pm: "Pushing Daisies"

9pm: "Private Practice"

10pm: "Dirty Sexy Money"

THURSDAY

8pm: "Ugly Betty"

9pm: "Grey's Anatomy"

10pm: "Big Shots"

FRIDAY

8pm: "Men in Trees"

9pm: "Women's Murder Club"
10pm: "20/20"

SATURDAY

8pm: "Saturday Night College Football"

SUNDAY

7pm: "America's Funniest Home Videos"

8pm: "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"

9pm: "Desperate Housewives "

10pm: "Brothers and Sisters"

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Round 2 is finished, and already I’m not really liking the way things are looking for Fall. And by the way, where the hell is "Lost"? Do we have to wait even longer to get more questions and no answers? What the frak, man? Jesus!

Alright. Breathe deeply. In with the good, out with the bad...

We still have 2.5 more networks and possibly the cable/expansion teams, so I’ll have to exercise some of that “patience” crap people keep talking about. I'll get to unload on CBS soon enough for their retarded-ass mistake that I've already had the displeasure to hear.

D