For some reason I’ve started considering putting together an Emergency Supply Kit. And I’m really not sure why. True, hurricane season is upon us, but I’ve been through enough hurricane seasons without one to know that I’ll probably be okay without one. Hopefully.
On a whim though, I went and looked up what all FEMA would like you to have in your official FEMA Emergency Preparedness Ready-to-go Handy Dandy Supply Type Kit. Take a second to look at what all goes into that bad boy. Go ahead, I’ll wait…
Done? Good.
Jesus! That’s not an Emergency Supply Kit, that’s an "Apocalyptic Readiness Bunker Supply". Seriously, I think that’s what all the basements in Sunnydale are equipped with. The only things they left out were the gas masks and weapons (although some southerners and recluses in the Midwest already have that covered).
Anyhoo, I was going to try and come up with my own “Whaddaya Mean There’s an Emergency Goin’ On?” Supply Kit, but failed miserably. I mean it, it sucked. Seriously, I worked on the damned thing a couple of times and barely came up with anything more than: beer, water, chili, The Essential Wolverine, a military-grade Gerber, a key to Liz’s place in case I need more beer or to plunder, Purell, duct tape, post it notes, and the dog. Huh. That’s actually not that bad a kit…
A couple of times I had fun imagining a scenario where I had 5 minutes to get what I needed from the apartment and get out. It was like a cross between Supermarket Showdown and one of those old school Toys R Us shopping sprees. Basically, it was me running around the apartment throwing anything and everything into a either a big, plastic container or a duffle bag. But I’d make it damn it. With time to spare and only leaving the dog behind once.
Other times my little kit had more shit in it than George Lucas’ panic room and would really put FEMA’s little brown bag lunch to shame. But those were way too expensive.
Ultimately, I just decided to say “fuck it” and not bother with it at all. Although, I know that this will eat at me until I actually do get around to gathering a few things up or at least making a short list of things I must have in one location. But more than likely, it’ll end up being the Supermarket Showdown scenario; which will thrill the SBDA audience. (“Oh! Rook at him go! He rike big, dumb tornado messing up house that he arways keep crean! Oooh! He trip over dog! So stupid!”)
D
Maybe I'll just get Brody to start wearing a canister of bourbon around his neck just in case...
1 comment:
don't forget lots of ice or you'll be drinking warm beer and that would just make it all that much worse...
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