Born to be mild

Ok, so I’m supposed to take a look at Ghost Rider. I’m just not sure how I want to approach this. I know for a fact that it won’t be all “reveling in the badassedness” like I did with Spider-Man 3 the other day. But I also don’t know if I want to just rip into this poor Marvel/Nicolas Cage movie…

Wait a sec, this is a Nicolas Cage movie. And a Mark Steven Johnson movie to boot. That means I am required by law to lay waste to this trailer. Oh, and for those of you unfamiliar with Mark Steven Johnson, he’s the brilliant director who graced all of us comic book fans with a perfect panel by panel translation of Daredevil to the big screen. That was sarcasm. A shit load of it. And while I’m at it: Nicolas Cage. Chris’ brother once came over to my apartment and saw that I had several Nicolas Cage DVDs in my collection and tried his best to recruit me into his newly formed “Nicolas Cage Fan Club”. Needless to say, almost all of those particular DVDs have now been sold to Blockbuster in order to thwart any other attempts to get me to be a fan of the jackass who married and divorced Elvis’ daughter, has a Ghost Rider tattoo, and just named his son Kal-El.

PLOT:
In order to save his dying father, young stunt cyclist Johnny Blaze sells his soul to Mephistopheles and sadly parts from the pure-hearted Roxanne Simpson, the love of his life. Years later, Johnny's path crosses again with Roxanne, now a reporter, and also with Mephistopheles, who offers to release Johnny's soul if Johnny becomes the fabled, fiery Ghost Rider, a supernatural agent of vengeance and justice. Mephistopheles charges Johnny with defeating the despicable Blackheart, Mephistopheles's nemesis and son, who plans to displace his father and create a new hell even more terrible than the old one.

Ok enough exposition, on to the show…


I’ve never actually read a Ghost Rider comic book before, but when I try to think of what Johnny Blaze looks like, it aint Nic Cage. So, -1 just for having Cameron Powe in the movie. (And no, I have no idea why this image is smaller than the rest. Or actually, why the others are so fucking big.)


But, Donal Logue is in the movie as his buddy. +1 for having the “naughty, vampire god” in the movie.


No one does exposition better than Sam Elliot. Watch “The Big Lebowski” if you don’t believe me. +1 for having the old bouncer that said “Please do not eat the big, white mint” in Road House. +5 if Sam says the word “dude” in the movie.


Riding up a skyscraper? -1


Eva Mendez. Meh. Even.


A demonic motorcycle racing a demonic horse? +1


Again, Nic Cage as Ghost Rider? Better than as Superman, I guess. Still though, -1.

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So, I guess we evened out on this one, huh? And this is just from the trailer, not the actual movie. Which I won’t even see until it hits DVD or TV. Or dinner theatre. Hell yeah, (no pun intended) dinner theatre! At least then I could throw food at Nic Cage while he’s in the middle of acting out a “penance stare”.

But my official prognosis? If you're really bored and have a couple of bucks that'll get you into a matine... sure, why the Hell not? Gotta be better than Batman and Robin.

D