And the winning Mega-Super-Duper Lotto numbers are…

1, 2, 3, 4 & 5.
(Incredible! That’s the same combination I have on my luggage!)

I bet if I won the lottery, I’d suck as a multi-millionaire. What I mean is, I probably wouldn’t be a flashy one like Richard Branson or Mark Cuban, I’d probably be low-key like Sam Walton or Bill Gates.

That’s not to say that I wouldn’t end up doing a whole bunch of wild and stupid shit every now and then, because let’s face it, it’s me; and I’m sure that whatever I did would be glorious. It’d probably just take a little while for me to get used to the idea that I could actually do just about whatever I wanted. That, and probably a little reminding/prodding from my entourage.

Yes, my entourage. That’s probably the most expensive thing I would do after getting my money (lump sum, baby): bribing my friends who have moved out of town to move back and live the “Entourage” life with me. Fulfill the prophecy, so to speak. (of course the Brennaman Compound may have to be renamed)

Other than that, I wouldn’t really do anything too over the top like buying a sports franchise, building a rocket to outer space, paying inordinate amounts of money for dumb sports memorabilia (I’m looking at you Todd McFarland) or anything. I’d just live a comfortable life and make sure that my best friends did too. Possibly on reality TV.

That’s a great idea actually. It could be “Jackass” with more money (“Come on, Turner. I’ll give you $10,000 to let that donkey kick you.”). Or maybe a combination of “The Amazing Race” and “Insomniac” (“Big, Dumb American’s World Tour”?). A little “Double Dare” perhaps? (“I’ll take the Physical Challenge, D!”) How about just doing a couple of new episodes of A.S.S.? Yeah, that’d be sweet. Imagine the special effects in that! (Liquid Courage in 3-D! Smell the hobo’s burning with "Smell-o-vision"!)

On second thought, maybe I would make a half-decent, crazy-ass multi-millionaire. Now all I have to do is start playing the lottery. I wonder how much I’ll get laughed at by the cashier for picking 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5…

D