“Hi. My name is Stan Lee, and I may have finally lost my fucking mind! Excelsior!”
God help me, I watched “Who wants to be a Superhero?” last night. And I really can’t even tell you if it was good, bad or anything in between. It just…was. I mean, the name of the show alone should give you a sense of what I’m talking about. It should either be the most hilarious thing on TV, or the biggest pile of crap ever to get a green light (of course it is the Scifi Channel we’re talking about). But somehow, it actually managed to land right smack dab in the middle.
I won’t go into a description of the show because you can read that by clicking above, or a review either, because you can get that here. What I will do is tell you about two of the all-stars who may have slightly traumatized me in some way, or at least sullied my conception of a superhero. Even more so than Rob Liefeld could have done.
Let me just say that all the contestants are either bat-shit crazy or severely deficient in some way, but these two fascinated me in some Grant Morrison-esque, unholy way: The Iron Enforcer and Major Victory.
“The Iron Enforcer” is a douchebag and should have been shit-canned in the beginning, but is obviously still around thanks to the producers who want drama on the show. I mean look at him. Doesn’t that just scream “DOUCHEBAG!!!”? Well, first it screams “STEROIDS!!” then maybe “CLOSET HOMOSEXUAL!!!”, followed somewhere by “DOUCHEBAG!!!”. But you get the point. I was going to go off on his stupid, uber-fake gun that he runs around with, but what’s the point? Isn’t calling him a douchebag and calling his sexuality into question enough? I thought so.
Ah, “Major Victory”. The Major is fucking priceless. That’s the only term I’ve been able to come up with to describe him in the 12 hours since I watched the show: “priceless”. Look at him. He’s like a living caricature of a superhero. That’s my new Halloween costume right there. This guy used to be a male exotic dancer before coming on to the show, but that’s not what gets me. It’s the fact that every now and then he just completely stops what he’s doing and busts out what has to be part of one of his old stage routines. How can you not love that? Saving little girls and shaking his money maker to intimidate and or disorient his foes. That’s the combination of a winner right there, folks. Oh! Which totally reminds me of his catch phrase: “Be a winner, not a wiener.” Fucking-A, Major Victory. Fucking-A.
Despite The Iron Douche and Stan Lee’s insanity/senility, the fact that The Major is so over the top and lampoonish may be the saving grace of the show and the one thing that keeps me watching. Which, thank Frank Miller, there’s only 5 more episodes to go.
D
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