News you probably can't use...

I'm not feeling very creative lately. So I'll just make fun of some news. Or try to at least.

Apparently "forever" has been over-rated
"Diamonds are no longer a girl's best friend, according to a new U.S. study that found three of four women would prefer a new plasma TV to a diamond necklace."
3 out of 4 women just became more interesting to me. Just a thought, but we all know what you get when you give a woman diamonds, but what do you get when you give her a plasma screen TV? Probably herpes.

Hey, I found booty -- no, the other kind..
"Police in Brazil's remote Amazon state of Rondonia have arrested a man who had 666 rough diamonds stashed in his underpants. "
His next scheme is probably gonna involve plasma screen TVs.

India tries to chase monkeys from trains
"In an effort to keep monkeys out of the New Delhi subways, authorities have called in one of the few animals known to scare the creatures — a fierce-looking primate called the langur, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported Wednesday."
Indian officials are already looking ahead to find out what the fuck scares a langur, to combat the inevitable uncontrolable-langur situation.

Buffalo take over northern Canada town
"Wild buffalo have taken over a small town in Canada's far north, but unlike stray cats, pigeons, and other nuisance animals, these massive bovine pests can smash a truck, a local official said. "
Maybe they should look into what scares the bejeezus out of buffalo.

"You're mean, hairy and smelly; but damnit, I still like you better than my wife. You want a plasma screen TV?"

That's all I got. I suck.

D