Dr. Evil: Guest Lecturer for "How Not to be a Frickin' Idiot, Ok?"
But that got me to thinking about what programs we’d offer if we were an “Evil Technical College”, who and what our students would be and the campus itself. Then all that led me to thinking about a cheaply made television commercial promoting the school and its programs. And a lot of laughing.
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FADE IN
**cue downtrodden music**
*shots of: burger flippers, data entry people, some asskisser getting a promotion instead of a regular Joe, etc*
VO: “Tired of your dead end job? Ready for a career or lifestyle change? Do you just need the know how to advance within your current organization?”
**cue imposing, techno-style music bed to run throughout**
VO: “Then enroll now at Evil Technical College!”
*shot of outside, main entrance of ETC*
VO: “At E-T-C we have 43 evil programs of study that you can choose from. Everything from Entry Level Henching or Death Trap Engineering to Death Ray Maintenance and Repair or our new Associates degree in Reverse Psychology on Heroes.
*(on right side of screen) CHIRON: (scroll through all programs offered- highlight mentioned programs)*
*(left side of screen) shots of: instructor lectures (the one with the Deathstar diagram), henchman obstacle course, tyrant slapping the insolent student, uniform handouts, etc…*
VO: “Love animals? Then help care for all your future master or employer’s mutated “pets” with our new Mad-Vet Tech Assistant program! Love to cook? Then learn to cook gruel and slop for just a handful or for an entire army in our award-winning Cruel-inary Arts program”!
*shots of: the beast pits, handlers prodding the mutants, serving line cooks, cook chopping off an arm in the kitchen, etc…*
VO: “Don’t know what you want to do, but just know you want to freakin’ kill somebody or payback society for all its cruelties and decadence? The come on in and take our Evil Career Interest Test. We’ll help put you on the right track to being the henchman, global terrorist, or ego-maniacal super villain that you always knew you could be.”
*shots of: electroshock therapy test takers, Dr. Occult counseling a prospective student, graduation ceremonies, graduation explosions and massacre, shots of famous alumni (L-47 from Cobra, Tyrannosaurus Tex from Dr. Mutasaurus’ crew, etc.)*
VO: “So get off the couch, burn down you current place of employment, and give E-T-C a call to start your evil training today!”
*CHIRON:
Evil Technical College
Professionally training and staffing for the world’s worst since 1967.
1-800-555-EVIL (3845)
Or visit us on the web at:
http://www.eviltech.edu/
*
FADE OUT
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Wow. That was a lot more than I thought I was gonna do about my little laugh at being an “evil” school. But once I got started, I just couldn’t stop. Oh well, it amused me at least.
D
1 comment:
You amused me too.
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