This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint".

The following may not be suited for members of the audience without a "Y" chromosone. But it may provide a little insight (or at least humor).

Man, I'd hate to be one of the last couple of guys to come into the john here:

I'd hold it and wait for another one to open up, to adhere to the "Unofficial Rules of the Men's Room".

Never heard of the "Unofficial Rules of the Men's Room"? You're probably a girl then. Or you're a guy who seriously needs to be brought up to speed on the Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for guys in a fucking hurry, 'cause you've probably been violating them with abondon.

The "Unofficial Rules of the Men's Room" (as told by Derek and subject to change by Derek):

• Never use a urinal directly next to another guy. Even if there are seperators. Always leave a buffer urinal or go to the next available stall. It's also ok to wait for one to open up if you feel someone will be done quickly.
• ALWAYS look straight ahead. Never ever ever look at the guy next to you. For fuck's sake DO NOT look down and over. Some places are kind enough to put sections of the sports page directly in front of your face. If not, feel free to look at the booger collection on the wall. Anything to keep you looking straight ahead. Also, feel free to add a contribution to the booger exhibit as well. Fine art is appreciated.
• Do not try to engage in conversation with anyone else in the bathroom, especially if you don't know them. If you do know them, it better be important. At the very least, wait until one of you gets finished and goes to wash his hands. Then it is acceptable to attempt to talk to one another. But it's best just to wait until you're both out.
• If someone rips a really good one, there should be nothing said except a form of congratulations, admiration or laughter. Chances are, you just ripped one too or are about to. It's a freakin' bathroom for Christ's sake. That's what it's there for so you don't do it at the table with girls. It's best just to laugh so you don't violate the above.
• Don't tell someone they forgot to wash their hands. You sound like a girl and they already know and don't care. Hopefully they've learned to piss without pissing all over themselves. Let's just hope everyone's considerate enough to rinse them off at least. UNLESS it's someone who works there, then tell them to wash their hands. Be sure to wash your own hands while you're at it.

And as with any set of rules, any and all of these can be broken when alcohol is present or every male there is completely hammered. All bets are off then. Except the looking forward rule. That one stays. But at that point you should be looking down to make sure you're not pissing all over everything...if you even care.

Did I leave one out? I feel like I did. Lemme know what it was and I'll add it in.

D